[worknonit80]

I am a 45-year-old single lesbian. I have been single for the past three years to make sure that I am confidently ready to start dating again. I was not looking for any type of relationship. I was merely diving full throttle into my career when I met a 64 year-old woman who wanted to be friend me. I try to keep my work friends at a distance. This woman sought me out on TikTok TikTok. TikTok is my private safe zone, but I had a kind feeling coming from her so I went ahead and accepted her friendship. We work directly together on second shift over the past six months we have become each other‘s best friend. We bonded over many things and recently bonded over losing one of our coworkers. We share many of the same views. She is recently divorced probably a year out from her divorce. One day she came in and brought all these gifts for me I got nervous but accepted them graciously. This is where it all started to turn. I’m like thinking does she have real feelings for me? wait do I have real feelings for her and over the past month and a half she has quietly flirted by touching me or leaning close to me or getting in my space. I didn’t mind because truth be told. I started having a crush on her as well. We both are leaders in our job one day I lead the next day she could lead about four weeks ago. I took her quietly into another room and told her that I was gay at that point we had decided to go on a private camping trip together. I said I still wanna go on the camping trip knowing what you know but if you don’t wanna go, I will understand she said no I wanna go. She then threw me a big birthday party at work. I can tell that she misses me when I’m gone for a few days or a week. I can tell she gets a little jealous when I’m around other coworkers. The tension between us is very thick electric even the chemistry and the deep connection is also there. The problem is she still has to come to terms with her feelings she is still trying to get over her divorce to a man, but kind of threw it out there that they might patch things up and start seeing each other again. She throws out heteronormative stuff at work to make people know she is straight. She sends me TikTok’s daily throughout the day and some direct messages. This happens pretty much daily even when I’m not at work. The camping trip I could tell she was nervous the whole time I did get her to talk a little bit I also told her thank you For coming on the trip knowing what she knew about me she replied with thank you so much for your friendship. I can tell very strongly that she has very deep feelings for me, but is too scared to come forward with them. I don’t know what to do anymore. I know I love her and I know that she loves me but the waiting game to see when she’s going to come out with what she’s going to do is literally destroying me thoughts questions advice? Thank you so much in advance! I need help!!!

[CANDC]

I have always been leery of having romantic relationships as work so keep that in mind what I say.

One of the yellow flags is she is straight and has mixed feelings. In the work situation that could be difficult for her and possibly for you if you have not come out.

One year may not be enough for her to be over a marriage. She may jump into your arms for consoling but she may bounce back to being straight. That is a risk for you.

Seeing you work together, I would not want to press her for coming out or commitment. It could scare her away.

All of this coudd just be my own anxiety. The decision what to do is totally up to you because you bear the results of what happens.

CANDC

[If you want me to see your reply to this post please tag me by including @CANDC in your message - not in requoting my message and not the first word of your message]

[Pflowers]

Proceed with caution!

You weren't looking, she's straight, she contacts you out of nowhere, showers you with gifts...

I'd be extremely uncomfortable if a straight friend, acquaintance, or co-worker came on to me like that.

I'd feel as if they were using me to satisfy some kind of weird fantasy about playing at being gay.

What's her endgame, and who stands to lose more if or when the relationship goes south?

The impact on your personal life would be one heartache...

And the impact on your career could be another.

And, hopefully, it's not a setup to cause you other kinds of harm either...

That's not such an uncommon thing anymore, especially in the current climate of meanness!

Just food for thought...

[worknonit80]

I think I’m leaning on shutting this down. As a Gaybwoman this is very hard, because dating culture is pretty horrific in general, but very much so in the glbt community. I love her yes and perhaps she loves me too. I feel the friendship has shifted a lot. I never wanted that, ever. I valued our friendship very much. If I can get past the feelings I feel like a solid friendship could reform. I also hope this wasn’t just a ploy to get her ex husband back. That wd end all dealings I will have in the future for her. I think she thought it was fun for a moment, until the reality of it came into play. I have never dated a woman I work with, I keep that separate usually at all times. This was all new for me. I see she is definitely emotionally unavailable. Which also screams, RED FLAG. Do not Proceed. Thing is, I believe what people say until they tell me otherwise. So if it’s her ex she wants than I was just a catalyst in making that happen. So good for her. I want her to be happy, I truly do.