[ForeverAloneGuy]

Hi. I know I'm not the only person to have this problem or similar. I've never had a girlfriend and it's really depressing. I'm 26 by the way. I'm generally depressed about life anyway.

Almost every woman I ever like already has a boyfriend. That's the case with my friend who I have huge crush on. I think she's very sweet, smart, and pretty and we have a lot in common. I haven't told her of course since that might cause problems. I've been informed that women are smart and "just know" if their male friends have a crush on them. But whatever, I'm just going to keep quiet. If she doesn't already know I'm obsessed with her, finding out will just hurt her. It hurts me to feel this way and hear her talk about her boyfriend all the time.

It seems as if everyone my age is paired off. Most of my friends are either married or in one of those long-term relationships where they may aswell be. It almost seems like every few months I hear about someone else I know getting engaged or getting pregnant. I actually can't name one women I know who is single at this moment and I know a lot of women. I guess everyone's supposed to be settled down by my age, I didn't think this was supposed to be true unless much older.

Any time I meet a woman I like who don't have a boyfriend they have no interest in me. I don't know for sure why, probably many reasons, may be because I'm not very fun or exciting to be around, lack confidence or may be that or I'm ugly or something else. I don't know.

So......... How do I get over my friend? How do I find single women? How do I attract single women? How do I stop being so miserable and unlovable?

[StitchIsAwesome135]

wow...so i'm new to PC and browsing through the forums i read this post while me and my roomate are currently talking about this exact situation with another, albeit said friend is a littlle younger. That being said the friend has said much of what you have said and if these circumstances are as similar as they seem I believe it is a safe assumption that the reasons you have listed are probably not always the case. Everyone is different and everyone's interests are different so it is possible you are just too awesome for the people that you have come across haha. All joking aside I myself have a major crush on a girl that does not reciprocate...i completely understand how hard of a situation that is since many girls have come and gone (none that i've dated officially mind you) but none have come close to the girl i wish i could be with. its funny how perspective changes with age. i am a bit younger than you are but a good number of my friends are around your age and it seems to be that from my point of view it doesn't make sense to pair up even at ya'lls age but needing that female companionship can just be overwhelming at time. All that being said in response to your questions getting over your friend is a time thing...I know that's nothing anyone wants to hear but when it happens is when its gonna happen, keeping up distractions help me with coping or as much as i hate it just letting my other buds take care of me a little and talk me through it from their 3rd person view. finding single women seems to be more of a challenge these days, and in my experience i have trouble meeting people in general or always am introduced by someone i already know, attracting single women sort of falls into that category as well. i'm really sorry i can't be of more help in that regard. there's my little schpiel on the situation, i'm sorry it's not very insightful i just hope that knowing there is someone that can understand will be helpful. i don't communicatae very well... if you want to talk more though and/or try to work through stuff feel free to message or reply here or whatever. have a great day bud and know that things always work out.

[qwerty000]

I can relate, except I'm 28. It seems every woman I met that I'd be interested in is already married or engaged. So I guess maybe I have to wait for the divorcees, or settle? I dunno, but it's definitely frustrating, and unfortunately, I have no advice.

[DocClyde]

My best advice is work on yourself, make yourself feel better, believe in yourself first, that you are important and that people should think of you highly.

I know it sounds stupid, but it does work--think of yourself (as I am sure you all are), as intelligent, good, caring gentlemen...work with your life--keep doing the best you can, and it may come along.

Believe me, I have been in the same boat too, where you see a girl and you wish, "MAN, I would give anything if she would just be mine and do whatever I wanted, and would think the world of me..."

While that is great, it would get very old after awhile--the great thing about relationships is that you evolve and love someone who is not always exactly like you, and you are not like them, but (for the most part) you do love them...

Hope that helps

[qwerty000]

Originally Posted by DocClyde

My best advice is work on yourself, make yourself feel better, believe in yourself first, that you are important and that people should think of you highly.

I know it sounds stupid, but it does work--think of yourself (as I am sure you all are), as intelligent, good, caring gentlemen...work with your life--keep doing the best you can, and it may come along.

Believe me, I have been in the same boat too, where you see a girl and you wish, "MAN, I would give anything if she would just be mine and do whatever I wanted, and would think the world of me..."

While that is great, it would get very old after awhile--the great thing about relationships is that you evolve and love someone who is not always exactly like you, and you are not like them, but (for the most part) you do love them...

Hope that helps

That actually sounds pretty terrible to me. I'm generally attracted to strong, intelligent women. The problem is it seems the women I'm attracted to are always either married or engaged.

[ForeverAloneGuy]

Originally Posted by qwerty000

That actually sounds pretty terrible to me. I'm generally attracted to strong, intelligent women. The problem is it seems the women I'm attracted to are always either married or engaged.

Yeh, I agree with qwerty000.

[ForeverAloneGuy]

I'm wondering now what percentge of the male population make it to their twenties without going out with a girl ever, and are we significant enough that there ought to be a support group?

I know I not the only one, but the overwhelming emotion that comes with it is that I'm just wrong, every other guy in the world can figure out how to get a date. Everyone else starts dating in school or college. That's how it feels.

[nothing_clever]

Originally Posted by ForeverAloneGuy

I know I not the only one, but the overwhelming emotion that comes with it is that I'm just wrong, every other guy in the world can figure out how to get a date.

That about sums it up.

I'm 28, also never any girlfriend. Not even a kiss for that matter (well, not with <0.2% BAC for all involved, and that was once). More rejection and 'not even worth trying' than 'already in a relationship', but otherwise in the same boat.

Wish I could give some positive feedback, but I'm as lost as you on this.

I like your idea of a forever alone support group, though. (I assume you mean something less psychotic than /r9k/. )

Oh, and qwerty000, also agreed. That sounds downright pathological.

[HalfSwede]

Guess I'm in the minority. Working on yourself seems like good advice to me. I will agree that the desire to have a girlfriend seems more urgent the older you get, though.

[John25]

Whether it is the minority or majority of an opinion, I completely agree with the words of DocClyde. I had the same problems as the OP but it did certainly help a lot to work on myself first. This can be done in different ways and I like the examples as already mentioned. It surely worked for me, although I will be a lifelong "work in process"

Originally Posted by DocClyde

My best advice is work on yourself, make yourself feel better, believe in yourself first, that you are important and that people should think of you highly.

I know it sounds stupid, but it does work--think of yourself (as I am sure you all are), as intelligent, good, caring gentlemen...work with your life--keep doing the best you can, and it may come along.
Hope that helps

Originally Posted by ForeverAloneGuy

I'm wondering now what percentge of the male population make it to their twenties without going out with a girl ever, and are we significant enough that there ought to be a support group?

Good question. I noticed in Scrubs that J.D. was said to have had his first kiss at the embarassing age of 16 . . . I'm 32 and still going, so that particular line makes me feel below par in this category, and needlessly so.

[qwerty000]

Originally Posted by qwerty000

That actually sounds pretty terrible to me. I'm generally attracted to strong, intelligent women. The problem is it seems the women I'm attracted to are always either married or engaged.

Disregard.

[DocClyde]

That won't really help him, either...and may hurt him more than the usual fare...

[J-Brent]

23yr old here. Never had a girlfriend either. I know I just don't have the confidence to even begin any sort of flirting, let alone ask for a date. Any feelings I've had are to Married, Gay & War-Partnered ladies, so those alleys are completely kaput.
I don't want to say I'm desperate, but I'd take the chance with the first chick who'd ever see any interest in me....

[Koko2]

In the old days, everyone would cross paths going to and fro. Nowadays, everyone goes from point A to point B in their cars, point B usually being a job. So, unless you meet someone at your job, you probably won't meet hardly anyone unless you join a dating service.

[mgran]

post deleted by DocClyde, no women allowed posting in men's forum.

[arcangel]

Originally Posted by mgran

post deleted by DocClyde, no women allowed posting in men's forum.

[DocClyde]

Nothing like that arcangel--its the same on the women's forum--no men allowed there...

From Docjohn on 1/29/2007:

Welcome to our Men\'s Issues forum - NO WOMEN POSTING Welcome to our men's issues forum. This forum is intended for use by our members who are male and have questions or issues they'd like to discuss in a male-focused area.

That means that, by and large, unless a specific post asks for female input, women should refrain from posting in this forum. While we do not currently limit membership of this forum to "men only," we may choose to do that in the future if it appears it is needed.

Best,
DocJohn

[OneMinute]

Hey, I hope everybody is holding up and doing okay.

um...
I'm not ForeverAloneGuy who started this conversation. But I am a guy. So...

If it's O.K. for me to allow permission then that's what I want to do. I would value a women's perspective and opinion on this.

[OneMinute]

Anyways....
My thoughts are kind of scattered all over the place when it comes to this topic. So bear with poorly articulated message. Sorry for dragging my own personal issues through the mud. I know that it isn't helpful to anyone. I'm just looking for help myself.

Whenever I think about this dilemma I can't help but feel incredibly overwhelmed as I'm so far behind in life. So many years wasted in an existential foxhole. I don't even know where to begin now that I'm trying to be more outgoing.

I used to buy into, "Improve yourself first."
....
When I was six years old. I just sort of grew up and came to realize a few things about life. The world does not revolve around me. I do not have delusions of grandeur. Everybody has their own problems and hardships. Nobody is perfect- and that's okay. It's okay if your not perfect.

Every single time I work up the nerve to speak with a professional they throw it back into my face.
"Fix yourself before entering a relationship."
"Self-improve first before looking for friends."
Am I really that much of a freak that I need to be isolated from the rest of the world? Is it really that selfish and cruel of me to just want a friend? How many more years and decades of hard work before I finally measure up. How much longer until I'm finally accepted.

I do not want to see a life-coach who has never gone to school. I'd much rather speak with a therapist. But none of them even begin to help me with this problem. "If your so lonely then why don't you just make some friends?" Oh... If only it was that easy...

I just don't know what to do anymore.

[Koko2]

I think humans are much like sea lions. The alpha, bull males are in the central living area with their harems of females, while the beta males are shunted off to the margins. Probably 20% of bachelors date 80% of single females. Most of the single women want a successful, self-confident man. Either be a casanova or be alone. There is not much in between.

[arcangel]

Originally Posted by DocClyde

Nothing like that arcangel--its the same on the women's forum--no men allowed there...

From Docjohn on 1/29/2007:

Welcome to our Men\'s Issues forum - NO WOMEN POSTING Welcome to our men's issues forum. This forum is intended for use by our members who are male and have questions or issues they'd like to discuss in a male-focused area.

That means that, by and large, unless a specific post asks for female input, women should refrain from posting in this forum. While we do not currently limit membership of this forum to "men only," we may choose to do that in the future if it appears it is needed.

Best,
DocJohn

Just kidding doc I'm fine with the rule. In truth though I don't understand why they would be able to read the forum if they aren't allowed to post. If the forum is supposed to be discrete then why not make it discrete.

[arcangel]

Originally Posted by qwerty000

That actually sounds pretty terrible to me. I'm generally attracted to strong, intelligent women. The problem is it seems the women I'm attracted to are always either married or engaged.

ForeverAloneGuy & qwerty: I don't think that it's terrible to "work on yourself" per se. Theoretically, we should all strive to improve ourselves as human beings. Improving yourself in ways that may make you more attractive to potential mates doesn't sound like a a very noble effort though. Money will make you an instant success w/ a lot of women. Becoming a jerk will make you attractive to a lot of women.
That would be great for your sex life but it won't make you happy and content. At least it shouldn't
When I was young I had women attracted to me simply because of looks. Throughout my adult life I had married women attracted to me for god knows what reason. Neither situation made me happy.
I never found who I was looking for and I don't have any answers that will give you what you seek.
Just strive to be a good person and let what will happen happen.
I wish I had something wiser and more helpful to tell you.

[OneMinute]

There isn't a cure all advice. Everybody is different.
For some of us the crux our problems is that we believe we're not good enough as we are. Some people mostly do self-improvement to desperately try and find confidence in themselves. Exactly like so many other gym rats these days. You could spend forever molding yourself into what you think will have most women chasing after you. And still not get anywhere with the women you meet. You've no idea what what some people out there find attractive. They will all have their own, individually unique, subjective responses to you. And you can't plan for that. Ever.

This is something that I spend too much time thinking about since I don't even have a life. But it would be nice to not be alone anymore.. and struggle with all these thoughts..
Social isolation was once used as torture. I've been isolated my entire life and have never made a single connection before. Nearly my entire life has been spent as a shut-in. Women have called me a creep and disgusting after only asking if they wanted to drink coffee together. The few I've met who value virginity at my old age eschew me. I'm not religious like they are. They hate me for that. Complete strangers shout profanities out their car window at me. I've never had a social network before. Nobody, not even family to confide in. I'm even isolated from professional aid the few times I actually decided to reach out for help. Crisis lines have hanged up on me in the past, too. Some people find inner strength within themselves and value their alone time. Some people show their love and affection through loyal pets and animals they take care of. Some people just need that small amount of human contact just to get by. But being completely alone has been too suffocating for me no matter how I try to cope. And I'm done trying. I might as well just live the rest of my life as a dependent! There is nothing for me outside.

[OneMinute]

...
My sincerest apologizes for my previous remarks. My own problems shouldn't be used this way. I did not what to suggest that self-improvement is a bad thing. Or that anyone had somehow gave bad advice. You, arcabgel, and drclyde, are only trying to help. Any help at all is a good thing and it's greatly appreciated. So thank you. It does take an awesome character to do things like that. Don't forget it.

Just disregard what I said. I'm too severely learning disabled for my messages to make sense anyways.