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#1
May 06, 2011, 05:31 PM
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Hi I'm Matt I can't trust women and I hate it I can't help it I get this tightness in my chest and stress till I just come out and ask and that never turns out well ive had a ****ed up life from being used by women to my mother being a achoholic I would love to see a shrink by can't afford that and I just want to trust I lost a great girl cause of this several times and I'm to the point where I can't even date cause I know what's going to happen please help
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#2
May 07, 2011, 12:57 PM
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Do you have sisters or any female family members? How do you deal with them, if you have them (other than your Mother of course)...
There can be a sliding scale for therapists, or even a help center may be beneficial. We do have the ask a therapist option also here... To me, if you say "you know what is going to happen," you are already setting yourself up for failure or for the girl to dump you...could you try and work through the negative thinking?
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Believe you can and you're halfway there.
--Theodore Roosevelt |
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#3
May 11, 2011, 06:15 PM
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I'm wondering what it is about women that makes you not trust them, something specific. I've had some bad dating experiences, and I can be nervous and under-confident around women, but I don't blame all women for the bad experiences I've with some of them -- don't tar them all with the same brush.
Like the Doc said, you think you know what's going to happen. What do you think is going to happen, and why?
__________________
You must go on, I can't go on, I'll go on. - Samuel Beckett It's never too late to start all over again - Steppenwolf Every person carries with him or herself patterns of thinking, feeling, and potential acting which were learned throughout their lifetime...As soon as certain patterns...have established themselves...he must unlearn these...and unlearning is more difficult than learning for the first time. - Geert Hofstede |
 DocClyde
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#4
May 14, 2011, 03:49 AM
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My thought is you have skewed your perception of the trustworthiness of women. Because one women has been untrustworthy does not mean all are untrustworthy. If you are going to start a relationship requiring the woman to provide proof of trustworthiness, the process of connecting will be much more difficult. To assume the women is trustworthy until proven otherwise for me is a better approach.
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| DocClyde
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#5
May 17, 2011, 01:39 AM
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hmm...
Interesting topic... I don't have any "trust" issues with women at all. The key is to set "healthy" boundaries. i.e. A rubber is a healthy boundary.  Going "dutch" or taking turns paying is a healthy boundary. Ear plugs can be a healthy boundary. If you bump into an issue of manipulation and/or control. Remember to make her feel especially empowered, by sending her right on home. And don't answer the phone for a few days afterwards. 
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