prostate cancer

Dad went thru 60 sessions last year. Now cancer free. He is 81.

I do not think i will see 81 but only the good go young . Its the unknown that will get me i think

March

I can see what i does and the multi layers of strength it is going to take.
I truly do not have my heart in this..

March 2019

So here I was thinking "oh good it's over"

WRONG

The world pees on me once again

Disappointment
is not a big enough word

seeing Things in black and white, on paper

Later i have to digest the what and where to go from here.

April 2 2019

So it is lucky that I see the best urologist in the state to check on me in a few months to see if one thing isn't complicating the other.
Prostate went and so did cancer.
Now just have to see how much of infection I have gotten back tomorrow.

So it's lucky I see a urologist

But I could do without the incontinence that has come back and I wish my ED would go away.

daggy hoping for the best outcome for you.

You would think once it was out that would be the end of it.

6 April another staph infection and another whole lot of stronger antibiotics. Feel like a bag of cow poo.
Good times

9th April 2019 getting rid of infection slowly. feeling like I need to have sex again but unfortunately, nothing is working in the downstairs department.
God I wish it would

17th April
You can tell its one of those months. went in for simple Dr app, ended up getting a secondary staph infection.
2 apps in one session and a sample to still confirm?
Plus on top have another urology Dr at the hospital on the 23rd for another PSA test

They aren't going to be happy.

And yet I still have my other issues to deal with.

Happy dreams people.

April 28 infections are gone now. Just left me incontinent again. no idea how much want to swear.
Truly wearing me out mentally.
Just for 1 erection
You have no idea how much I want to swear.

May 19
So in the last month another 2 infections.
Back to incontinence again.
Having to wear pads all the time
And just avoiding so many messes while shopping
But that's not the worst part. I had to have a nuclear bone scan that injected radioactive dye into me to search from the top of my head to my hips to see if any little cancer spots got away.
Today is Sunday I had it on Thursday.
It knocked me off my feet and still feeling it.
Just have so many things going on at once.
Wed I get the results,Thursday I see the hospital drs for my 3 mthly.
13 months down
The only thing I really miss is sex.
Or being hard if it comes down to it.

I hope others benefit from my writings.
It helps me .

Update if anyone still watches.
May 23
Test results back and the blood test came back 00.0
It's all gone no more cancer in my system.
And the nuclear bone scan was a bonus.

Trouble is now I have to deal with the urine tests I did a year ago I think.
To test the bladder and the muscles again
Different hospital and never thought of keeping the numbers back then.
Now facing more ops to look inside.

I got so desperate and angry with the world last time.

Never take for granted what you have.

Until later

Thank you to everyone who has come across and added someway to the story of getting sick to treatment to medical intervention and then to the healing process.

Writing down just the thoughts and feelings from the start has filled in many gaps I tend to find myself in concerning dates and places.
And going back has let me discover what I had missed or didn't want to see at the time.
I am not brave by any means and have thought about life death and the universe right up to what could has been life changing so many times.
So from the early notes until now, I have found no matter how small it is the written though may have the greatest breakthrough in life.

Just when you think you are passed the finish line.
admittance on the 2nd of July to the clinic.
Again. Just like last time or the time before probably just the same operation to be done. We can only hope.
Once cancer itself is gone it leaves such a physical and mental gap behind.
I think it's just a matter of time before it wears me right down if there's anywhere lower.
I have found women don't care.no matter what they say
Men just say harden up.

So I don't whine anymore.
What is the use

4th of July and it's been 2 days since last check. Have been put on meds to tighten my bladder for a few months then the full bloods and may tests.
Still can't raise wood.and had a melt down about it because there is only so much your head can take.
Here is looking to oct.

Ha so much for thinking October would be the next appointment.
Try August 27 6 weeks of pills to strengthen my bladder. To see if they work or another op to actually "see" how things are.

Got the results of last visit and despite even taking the pills to give the bladder more power. I'm going to have to go to the hospital for the scope.

If only wood came back I could cope.

Aug 30 and I have been booked in for another scope/ operation is on the books just have to wait for the date.
It seems that I have gotten a bacterial infection and have to see which of 2 options I can go.
Either scar tissue blocking and growing or 1 of the staples poking into the bladder from when they took the prostate out and bacteria growing on that.
Good thing my PSA is 00

I'm sorry you are having so much difficulty with this. Best wishes for a successful outcome from this next procedure.

17th October is the next due date to pass.
If I would have known what fighting back would mean maybe I would have just let nature take its course instead of watching me fall apart bit by bit.

My mind has just gone into neutral.
When I consider fighting back I can't anymore.

The methods doctors use these days to look inside a body and pinpoint what is wrong is amazing
But
They can also tell you with precision what is wrong.
Then
Comes the sorry.

My sad journey continues

Best wishes for a successful outcome on October 17...

There is a part of you that dies in all this.
So far i havent found any older gents telling of theirexperiences or feelings.
(Maybe its just not done)

The neverending prodding and poking isnt that bad.
As by now any pride or dignity has gone out the door long ago.

When you hear " drop your pants" you just do it.
.
This is why these posts are under mens health so you dont have to read them if you dont want to.
Like i dont read forums about life is so bad at 16 and all that stuff.

It has and is a journal about my journey through this all.
And how long it will last.

At the moment the longing for sex and passion is so frustrating. It drives the 2 devouring demons we all have
DEPRESSION and ANXIETY

My surgery was done 20 years ago. (I was comparatively young.) I guess I was fortunate. The surgeon just took out the offending organ & that was that. I did have 2 additional problems neither of which were directly related to my prostate surgery. I bent over to tie my shoes one day & ruptured a disc in my low back. I presume this had to do with being run down as a result of the surgery & the recuperation process. And then I also had a double hernia, which the surgeon who repaired it told me, is not uncommon following prostate surgery.

The other outcome was that I've been impotent ever since. (Oh... & I have to be careful farting because, if I'm not, I'll wet my pants.) Beyond that it gets more complicated because one of the issues I've struggled with my entire life was gender dysphoria. So while losing my prostate & along with it my sexual potency was in one way disturbing, it was in another something of a relief, but one that brought with it a whole host of additional mental health problems including 2 major suicide attempts. I could go on. But I'll leave it at that. I hope that, in some way, you will be able to find some relief to all of the difficulties you've encountered... soon.

There is one answer that will eventually get the better of me one day.
I dont see myself doing this for 20 years and i hold the only thing that nobody can take away from me .
But your cant spell it out here.

Ok seeing as the sexual thread isnt quite the placeto put this. I put it here.

It is related and as usual a side effect.
I may sound like a broken record

CANCER SUCKS

Once you get rid of the nasty stuff you are left to carry on with life the best you can and the doctors move onto the next patient.

You are to be grateful that its all gone and it takes time for things to get as they were.
Unless you fall into the 2 % of people that stuff just happens to and there is just problem apon problem.

So it comes down to needing someone to stimulate the blood flow back .
But its like i have commited a crime asking for help.
If you could swear here this is where i would insert it ............ ed
Im not going to take being soft for the rest of my life anddont have the cashflow for internal pumps.
The death of my sexlife is much more than just not having sex.
I was just half a man before due to dx
Now all i crave is closness and intimacy.
If only the world would do something for me instead of 'remember when we had the chance'

The world sucks when you fall through the cracks.