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#1
May 15, 2015, 06:36 AM
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I bust my *** for my family. I work 60 hour weeks and pay the bills by myself. I am faithful and committed.
Last night my wife told me, after being together for 3 years, that she doesn't like having sex. That her ideal sex schedule would be once every couple months. She told me she has no sex drive or desire, that she doesn't ever feel turned on or in the mood. Sex has always been a argument starter between us.. And now its turned into clinical depression.. I didn't know my sex drive was so powerful.. Powerful enough to make contemplate suicide. Anyone else feel the same way ? Anyone there ? |
 Anonymous200145
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#2
May 15, 2015, 04:54 PM
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I'm here, for what it's worth. I probably don't have answers, but I can relate.
I've never been married, but I've been in the same situation with a live-in girlfriend of about three years, so there's that similarity. After those years she told me the exact same thing your wife told you, right down to the "ideal schedule." All I can tell you is that her schedule forced me to stop and balance my needs against the situation, and we didn't stay together very long afterwards. I've also been in two other long-term relationships where sex was a point of argument. It was never pleasant. I always got to thinking that there was something wrong with me, and that I wanted it too much or something. HOWEVER...I was also in a couple of long-lasting relationships where sex was never an issue. I'll tell you what helps that: it was NEVER used as a bargaining chip in those relationships. We both wanted it. We talked about it like adults. There was never a situation where either of us felt like the other was holding out because of some agenda. If one of us didn't want it for some reason, we communicated it openly and life moved on. I think sex becomes a huge, painful part of the relationship when you feel like your partner is using it against you. That's enough to put someone in a depression - at least it was for me. So what I learned is to feel out the sexual chemistry of a relationship early, long before making a commitment. Make sure you're on the same page and not with a sexual manipulator. Once I figured that out, I was free to discover the other ways I can screw up a relationship lol...but at least that wasn't an issue any more. =) After my decades of dealing with what you're going through, I'll say this: I won't tell you what you should do, but I'll tell you what I would do. I'd find someone else. If you choose otherwise, be prepared to put a LOT of work into restoring your marriage because her feelings about sex are probably some manifestation of a bigger problem. You'll have to find it, fix it, and hope it does some good. |
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#3
May 15, 2015, 04:55 PM
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I don't think its the sex drive killing you but the constant denial. Its gotta be hard that you have such a sex drive and your wife does not. It may come down to you finding out why your wife doesnt like sex. did something happen to her?
You may also consider talking to a coucelor with your wife so maybe some issues will be worked out and yall can compromise? |
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#4
May 18, 2015, 11:18 AM
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#5
May 18, 2015, 11:57 AM
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At least for me, my sex drive doesn't affect my mental health at all. It's when I get rejected by my wife once, twice, three times ... and so on. After going a month without sex, I start to feel horrible because I basically just have a roommate that steals the blankets and won't play video games with me. And I don't care what everyone says about not taking it personal either because it's me that's getting turned down, not a whole collection of people. So it's darn personal. When someone stabs you in the back, it may not be personal but it sure hurts like %$#@.
I definitely third the marriage counseling and you both need to work on compromise. In my case, I would love at least once per week, but would settle for every two weeks whereas the wifey could pretty much care less if it ever happened again. So we have to meet in the middle and that's something you and your spouse have to compromise about as well; a little less often than you want and more often than she wants. Without that, things are just going to go from bad to worse.
__________________
Helping to create a kinder, gentler world by flinging poo. |
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#6
May 18, 2015, 04:13 PM
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Regular orgasms are great for mental health, it release oxytocin which creates a positive mood...
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#7
May 19, 2015, 06:14 AM
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Quote:
Does frequent ejaculation help ward off prostate cancer? - Harvard Prostate Knowledge - Harvard Health Publications Frequent sex: Does it protect against prostate cancer? - Mayo Clinic
__________________
Helping to create a kinder, gentler world by flinging poo. |
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#8
May 19, 2015, 01:01 PM
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Other ways to get a oxytocin "high" include giving birth and breastfeeding, so there you go guys
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#9
May 19, 2015, 02:13 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Helping to create a kinder, gentler world by flinging poo. |
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#10
May 21, 2015, 09:33 AM
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Regarding you having sex, I'd suggest that you look less at yourself and how it affects you, but instead focus more on her, since she is the one clearly struggling and marriage is about both your needs. She admitted something big to you, and I think it's important that you work with her on this. As for youself, not having sex is likely not the reason for being suicidal, but instead the reason probably lies within insecurities this issue has brought on or exasperated. (also, if you're not seeing Professor Hans Jerkov nor getting any other release, then you will have pent up frustrating of sorts, so you need to sort that yourself) Perhaps you should both seek profession help.
"I bust my *** for my family. I work 60 hour weeks and pay the bills by myself. I am faithful and committed." - why did you preface the problem with this? To me, this suggests that you feel because you provide for the family, your wife is then obligated to disregard her struggles and have sex with you; it is my very strong opinion that it doesn't, and should never, work like that. I sincerely never want a relationship in which a woman feels like she is obligated to have sex with me. :| Neither party should feel obligated to do anything like that, IMO. Quote:
__________________
{ Kein Teufel }
Translation: Not a devil [ `id -u` -eq 0 ] || exit 1 Last edited by IchbinkeinTeufel; May 21, 2015 at 09:46 AM. |
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