[FerretGuy5]

I have a friend that I have been spending time with . He lives in a group home and is 55 years old. But looks about 70. Anyway it is conspicuous that he is attracted to young ladies. Which is noticeably creeping them out by his stares. Any suggestions as to how to get him away from that would be appreciated.

[rich62_uk]

Untill your friend admits he has a problem personaly I don't think anyone can help him.

[nowheretorun]

think i agree with rich on this one FGuy

[Slothrop]

Hmm...you might not be able to convince him that the age gap is too big, but what if you told him that he's using poor etiquette and turning the women off? So many of us guys are deathly afraid of looking like a doofus in front of pretty girls! That might be a soft spot.

Not to make him think he will "get anywhere" with them, of course...just raise his self-consciousness a little...

[coralproper]

or you can super glue his eyelids shut when he is asleep

[horsecab]

So let me get this straight. Is this guy harrassing young women? If so he needs help or arrested. Is this guy staring without awareness of his behavior, if so he needs help. How young are the women, ten years younger? Not big thing to want attention from them, my dad was ten years older than my mom, my brother is 14 years older than his wife. Are you guys being honest with yourself? Tell me you don't look at a young girl especially when she is wearing next to nothing. If one gives me something to look at, damn right I'll look. I love beauty and can't resist such a sight, but I try not to let her catch me looking, and if she does she usually smiles considering it a compliment, (and I'm 50). If your friend doesn't take into consideration their reaction to him, he needs help. If it's a matter of young women wearing next to nothing and loving the attention they get, (which many seem to do) but want to pick who looks at them and who doesn't, sorry, it doesn't work that way. Tell the women to put some more clothes on if they don't want his attention. A man ANY AGE staring at a woman like an obsession would freak out any woman, not just an older man.

[FerretGuy5]

Originally Posted by horsecab

So let me get this straight. Is this guy harrassing young women? If so he needs help or arrested. Is this guy staring without awareness of his behavior, if so he needs help. How young are the women, ten years younger? Not big thing to want attention from them, my dad was ten years older than my mom, my brother is 14 years older than his wife. Are you guys being honest with yourself? Tell me you don't look at a young girl especially when she is wearing next to nothing. If one gives me something to look at, damn right I'll look. I love beauty and can't resist such a sight, but I try not to let her catch me looking, and if she does she usually smiles considering it a compliment, (and I'm 50). If your friend doesn't take into consideration their reaction to him, he needs help. If it's a matter of young women wearing next to nothing and loving the attention they get, (which many seem to do) but want to pick who looks at them and who doesn't, sorry, it doesn't work that way. Tell the women to put some more clothes on if they don't want his attention. A man ANY AGE staring at a woman like an obsession would freak out any woman, not just an older man.

Looking is expected. It's his intense staring and the way he looks them over. I mentioned he lives in a group home. He is not allowed out except with my or other approved people. He's missing about 30 years where he was steadily bombed by booze and drugs and taking a permanent toll. And I know for a fact he has enough money to buy whatever he wants. Not a millionaire, but better than half way there. Part of the problem is he lives in a group home with recovering and not recovering booze and drug addicts and others who except for assets would be homeless on the streets. And I am limited to about 6 hours taking him on outings to the real world. Actually, he is very polite except for this one matter of obviously undressing them with his eyes. Mentally, he is locked into being a teen yet. (off drugs and booze nearly 17 years.)

I add I have turned down his offers to get new tires for my car and a new stereo. My tires are fine and I don't need the distraction of a complex stereo.

[Fpsy]

Does he have any brain damage of cognitive deficits from all the drugs and alcohol?

Can you have a conversation with him and does he understand the consequences of his actions. He sounds like he has missed out on a lot of emotional development. He has yet to build social skills and mature.

Try to explain to him that what he is doing is disrespectful to women. He is not just looking but leering. And that is also considered a form of harassment. Importantly let him know that you find it uncomfortable and that this isn't how men behave towards women. Perhaps you could use the analogy of if he had a sister, or, daughter and watched men doing that to her, how would he feel.

It might take him a while to understand this. You might have to repeat the message.

What kind of staff work at the group home. Can you talk to the therapy team about his behavior. The might have to introduce some behavior therapy.

[MacKLeo]

Hi,

He is a men. Age does not come between the desires one can have. He needs to have a partner who can give him love he wants. He can be diverted in that way.

Mack

[FerretGuy5]

Originally Posted by MacKLeo

Hi,

He is a men. Age does not come between the desires one can have. He needs to have a partner who can give him love he wants. He can be diverted in that way.

Mack

His fate is sealed by the place he lives. The group home is comparable to a nursing home. He gave up all his rights to be taken care of. I met him in my PTSD group and have been taking him on shopping trips etc. Alone, he cannot even walk down to the end of his street.

[earl shook]

i am 67..sober30 yrs+..after cancer surgery..no response from the waist doen..my dad was a predatore..some of the behavour patterns are still in my psychee..i totally enjoy beautiful girls..i trained myself to look away after 4 seconds....to look back to see if i am running into a wall..or if i am driving off the road..if a have a second look..then i then i thank for his good workmanship..then i wonder if she is a child of god..sober ,,clean..then im on my way filled with the rush of grattitude i only saw the good side of her...this takes less than 1 minute i have done this through 5 divorces...lol..i am single at this time...still taking in the sites..soberbuzz78..in burien ..

[FerretGuy5]

I am able to help him experience some degree of indepndence. His life is too heavily regulated in his group home. He has brain damage from being hit by cars several times as a bicyclist and pedestrian.

I'm going to take him to some singles places with women his own age and similar circumstances.

[possumn]

Originally Posted by FerretGuy5

I have a friend that I have been spending time with . He lives in a group home and is 55 years old. But looks about 70. Anyway it is conspicuous that he is attracted to young ladies. Which is noticeably creeping them out by his stares. Any suggestions as to how to get him away from that would be appreciated.

Tell your friend to knock it off, they aren't ripe yet, I appreciate older women, they have class , knowledge, experiance, and a beauty all their own. The friendship of an older woman is much better than any fling he thinks he might achieve with a younger one and longer lasting too.

[DocClyde]

Also, is it possible a wardrobe update and/or haircut, shave kind of thing may help? New clothes, which could make him look younger and that kind of thing?

Best,

Clyde