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nafix
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Member Since Apr 2008
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Default Apr 11, 2008 at 08:09 PM
  #1
Alright, so I'll admit I feel a bit corny posting on a forum for input. I've kind of already made my decision on this matter but I'd still like to hear what others have to say. So the story goes:
I am currently in my junior year of college at a Florida university. I was told that my good friend's girlfriend's roommate was very horny and was constantly talking about wanting to have sex. Now, apparently my friend's girlfriend showed her my picture on facebook and then the girl wanted to have sex with me. Now I took this very lightly and knew it may or may not happen. I also didn't know what kind of attractiveness this girl had. I mean in a college town, it's not hard to find guys to have sex with. So I met her and talked to her twice after that. The first time was highly awkward because I was very high and she was very drunk. The second time was for her roommate's birthday. I talked to her a decent amount and we had some good conversation. So, I ended up asking her to a fraternity date function and she said yes. We had a good time, and ended up doing the deed later that night. And so we began hanging out more and more frequently. She came to hang out with me during spring break during this time said she would not wait around for me to date her. I had heard a lot of gossip about this girl being whorish her freshman year, and I am a guy with standards to who I date.
Throughout the next few weeks I confronted her on everything I had heard, which often lead to arguments. But she did admit to everything that I'd heard. The thing is that she is such a sweet, caring, and smart girl that it completely did not fit that she was so "free-spirited" previously. But she had not had sex with anyone for 8 months before she met me, and this has been confirmed by my friend. Her mother died during her senior year of high school, and she said that she was not acting herself her first year at college. We've had some very emotional discussions and up until a point, I trusted her very much.

After spring break, she acted weird for about a week until I confronted her about it. At the end of spring break, she had gone with her friend to see a guy she has been talking to for about 8 months. She had studied abroad in europe the previous semester and met a guy the last 4 days before she left. Now she's been talking to this guy ever since. She explained to me that he was coming into town in a couple weeks and that she didn't know what she wanted anymore. They only went to lunch and apparently he tried to kiss her but she turned away. I also forgot to mention that a few days earlier I had asked her to formally go out with me although I was drunk when I asked her. Anyways, nothing really got sorted out too much that night she told about this other guy. We just kind of forgot about it and continued to hang out. That was about 4 weeks in from when we first started hanging out. We spent time together about 4-5 times a week and the relationship actually became less sexual, but not in a bad way. Maybe one or two of the nights per week we hung out we didnt have sex as compared to every time. I think this was an advancement. We became very close and eventually she told me that she loved me. I said that I didn't love her and that she didn't know how to identify her feelings but this was not a negative conversation in any way.

So cut to 2 weeks later. I could tell something was up and asked her. She told me that this guy was coming into town 4 days from now and he was going to stay for a week in the guest room at HER apartment. This was unacceptable to say the least, so I told her that she needed to make a decision. She told me that she would tell him not to come into town. So two days later she tells me she needs to talk to me. I could assume the obvious possibilities. So we talked the next day and she told me that he was still coming in town, and that she needed closure for herself. She told me that he was coming into town as a friend. And she also said that she didn't know what was going to happen with him. So I told her that it was over and that I didn't want to talk to her again. I told her to take me home, and she began to cry. There was a long period of her trying to talk to me and me not having it. I finally got home, very upset because I had grown very attached and close to this girl. I had some drinks and called her to tell her to bring my clothes over and maybe talk for a minute. When she got to my place, she told me that he was at the airport about 2 hours away and that she told him he couldn't come stay with her anymore. Obviously, I was more agreeable and I slept over her house that night. The entire night I would wake up and see that she wasn't sleeping. I asked her in the morning and she said she felt horrible that she left a friend stranded at the airport. She had a meeting for school and she dropped me off at my place. We had agreed to play tennis and hang out later that night. She didn't call for about 6 hours, so I knew somethingwas going on. I called her and she finally admitted that he was coming into town that night. I was very angry and told her to bring the last of my stuff over. When she did I didn't say anything to her. When I cooled down I texted her and she said we could meet in person on campus the next day. We did, and she said that she didn't want to stop talking to me and got very upset when I told her that I would probably never talk to her again. I made it known that the only reason I wouldn't is because I liked her too much and I had too much respect for myself. She said she needed to take a break and think about what she wanted, which was a very convenient time for her with this guy now at her place.

I am a very perceptive person, and I can honestly tell she cares about me. The question is, who does she care about more, this guy or me. I told her that if she hooked up with this guy while he stayed at her place there was no chance of us ever having any kind of relationship. I also couldn't understand why she couldn't make this guy stay in a hotel and maybe stay for a shorter period of time. This would have been much more reasonable. Anyways, he is leaving town in 3 days and I am probably going to meet with her the day after he is gone. So I have to decide what I'm going to do. My friend who introduced me to this girl in the first place will be able to find out if they hooked up because 1) his girlfriend is her roomate 2) he sleeps at their apartment frequently. He told me that they did sleep in the same room one night because some of her friends slept in the guest room. If she doesn't hook up with guy, I would consider seeing her again. It would say a lot about her. But I'm pretty confident that she is going to hook up with him. If she does, I have decided upon two options. 1) I will continue to hang out with her but strictly as a friend. In doing so I will still get to hang out in good company. It will also always remind her that she made the decision ultimately. She wants to still talk to me after this guy leaves, which makes me feel like an afterthought. I know she has very deep feelings for me, but I would never carry on a relationship more than friends because I know I could never trust her. I would never even kiss her again but only hang out as a friend, and I think this will make her regret her decision. 2) I will know if she hooked up before I ask her, which I will. If she lies about it, I am going to play along with it. I will act as if nothing is wrong and go to her house, have sex with her, and then immediately leave and never speak to her again. Although harsh, I believe this is appropriate and will do it. 3) If she doesn't lie but admits to hooking up with him. I don't think I could ever talk to her again. The fact that I would never know her true feelings or that she may always have this other guy in the back of her mind is very unappealing to me.

Well that is the situation. I care about this girl so much. She has all the qualities I value in a woman and it hurts very much to be put into this situation. Thanks to whoever has read this and willing to input. What are your thoughts on what I should do.
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coralproper
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Default Apr 11, 2008 at 09:21 PM
  #2
wow....thats a lot to deal with, you obviously care for her very much to take the time to write all that here, my advice is to not smother her, let her do what she may, and it will all work out in the wash, I'd not give her any ground rules like, " you hook up with him and theres no chance between the two of you ", thats just my opinion

fact is if you or she wants to do something like that, either could on the sly and never be caught, you have to trust her, in my opinion, with whatever choices she makes for herself

heck she could just as easly, and would probably prefer to hook up at the hotel with the guy if he did stay in one
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TYMBERWOLV
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Default Apr 11, 2008 at 11:27 PM
  #3
Hmmmm

I hadf to read that twice to get the concept of it . But one thing that i did read .... She told you that she loved her but you told her you didn't .

Well somone in my opinion told me that they didnt love me that I would move on ,,,,, but yet you have a lot of rules for someone that you dont love....

just my opinion
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Conquistador
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Default May 01, 2008 at 04:17 PM
  #4
She sounds pretty sketchy to me. I'd say get some standards, be a man and go out with someone better.

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