Thoughts????

Hello, I am looking for some help dealing with my estranged brother. He and I have not spoken in a year and I am wondering if it's possible that we ever will. A brief history:
My brother (Half brother) is 3 yrs older than I am. Our mother became pregnant with him when she was 16 and was made to give him up for adoption, mom told me about him when I was 5 yrs old, and in my teen years I knew I would find him one day. That day happened late 1999, after going through a few adoption agencies and filling out the necessary paperwork, I waited. I got a call from a case worker, not long after, I received a phone call from my brother. We hit it off instantly, like we'd been raised together. He had just become a dad for the first time and was living in Seattle and not long after our first face to face meeting, he, his fiance, and their infant son were moving to the Atlanta area where my husband and I were living. Over the years, until July 2012, we had a great relationship. We talked on the phone, laughed, shared the same likes, dislikes, opinions.....all the while I worshiped my big brother, and he seemed to care very much for me, his little sister. He and his fiance married in 2000, and divorced in 2004....he then quickly married again, someone he had known a very short time and was 6 yrs younger. I tried getting to know her, but they were living in the Boston area by then, and my husband and I were in California. Whenever I called he would only talk to me if she wasn't home....he said she was shy. His ex-wife and sons lived in Arizona and so he was always trying to find a job in AZ that would pay to relocate him so he could be near his boys....he and his new wife moved to AZ, after several years of failed interviews, August 2011. My husband and I were then living in Colorado. At this time I had recently become friends with the wife (Eve) of one of my husbands co-workers (military). She was charismatic and fun to be around, we hit it off immediately. She was from Germany and was eager to tell me all about the culture, etc. My kids loved her, and she and her husband spent a lot of time with our family. In November 2011, she started inquiring about my brother, she had seen interactions between he and I on Facebook, and asked if she should "friend" him. She did, and after that they both started complaining to me about their spouses....it was odd, but I didn't want to see the worst in my brother or my friend. My brother called me two weeks before christmas (2011) and asked if I'd mind him visiting the week after christmas....of course I was thrilled to have him visit! The day he drove up, my family met him for lunch and then we drove back to our house where we had our sons room all set up for him....15 minutes after we walked through the door Eve called and asked if my brother had arrived, I reluctantly said yes because there was a giddiness in her voice that shouldn't have been there. My brother visited for 4 days, and Eve was there for every one of them, all day long, into the very late hours of the evening. When my brother left, she was here to see him off and as he drove away she giggled and told me that they'd had sex on my couch after I went to bed the first night he was here. Of course I was not happy about that since my kids could have come into the living room at any time and because my kids sit and lay on the couch...yuck! I explained to her that it was inappropriate, and she (SHE) was offended by me saying that. I did not say anything to my brother at that point. A week later Eve was visiting here at my house and asked me if I thought my brother would move here (Colorado)..they were already talking about divorcing their spouses...I told her there was no way he would leave AZ because his sons were there and he had waited soo long to move closer to them. She asked if she could use my house phone to call him (they had been calling each other using my phone since his visit) and when she got off the phone she seemed strange...overly excited, giddy again. A few days later my brother called and told me he was moving up here, and asked if he could stay with us for a few months until he'd saved up enough money to get a place...of course I said yes. We have a 3 bedroom house, and no guest room so we put our son and daughter in one room so my brother would have the other. He never spent one night here. Instead he stayed at Eve's house....her husband was away with military assignment. I expressed to my brother how wrong that was (not to mention the fact that her husband and my husband work together) and all he said was that it was nobody's f'*** business. When her husband came home she served him divorce papers, and he moved out, but he still didn't know my brother had been staying there because every morning my brother would come here with all of his clothes and things and hang out until "the coast was clear". Soon though her husband did realize and spoke to my husband about it at work. It was very uncomfortable for my husband and I tried to talk to my brother about it. He became very defensive and got angry with me, telling me again that it was nobody's f'*** business. At that point our relationship was strained. I didn't like the person I saw when I looked at my brother anymore...he acted fake and overly boisterous in front of Eve, he was disinterested in everyone and everything else, unless it pertained to making himself seem better to Eve and her friends and family. Eve is 15 yrs younger than my brother, and Instead of Eve acting more maturely and coming up to my brothers (supposed) maturity level, my brother suddenly came down to hers. He changed everything about himself, I even caught him in several lies, though I kept it to myself. Late June 2012, I received an email from Eve, accusing me of being mean to her, being jealous, and treating her badly.....mind you I hadn't spoken to either of them for 3 months because they were always "busy" when I called. While I was trying to figure out how to respond to the email, and whether or not to just call instead of sending an email response, my brother called. He was very angry, and was yelling at me telling me that I was awful for treating Eve soo badly, and that she really loves me like a sister, and how I needed to apologize....."for what?" I asked....My brother just kept saying (yelling) "You know what for!!".....I was soo confused. I had no idea what the hell was happening since I hadn't had a conversation with her in several months and certainly was never mean. I had reached my level of being screamed at and asked my brother if we could hang up and calm down and then talk about things calmly...I was crying, and was confused and hurt by his tone and accusations. He just kept yelling at me, I don't even know what he said after that point because I was soo upset, but I hung up the phone, sunk down to the floor and cried. My husband, who had heard my brother's screaming through the phone was here telling me to calm down and suggested I try calling my brother the following day so we'd all have had a chance to cool off....Immediately I had text messages from my brother telling me that I was an awful person for hanging up on him, and that if I didn't call him back "right NOW" he was through with me....he sent the same massage about six times, then nothing. I tried calling the next day, nothing. I reached out to a mutual friend of ours that has know my brother for many years and she said he had unfriended her on Facebook and was not returning calls. I have not "spoken" to my brother since. I have received a few hateful emails and text messages after he found out that I was keeping in touch with his first wife, so I could still be in my nephews' lives....I suspect he's mad because she told me a lot I hadn't know about my brother (He and his ex are still on good terms for their son's sake's so she was not being vindictive)....he had lied to me about many things, as he lies to everyone.....he boasts that he has a graphic arts degree but dropped out of college in the first semester.....in fact, he didn't finish high school because he was arrested (not sure what for) and ended up at Job Corps by Judges order....there are many other things that he inflated, or lied about....I see now that he didn't ever care about me, he just liked that I looked up to him and made him feel good about himself. Looking back, he never asked how I was feeling, or really showed any signs of caring about my life. He has now moved even farther away from his sons, to Germany with Eve. He has made it clear to family members (our mother included) and mutual friends, that he will never speak to me again because I'm "a horrible person".....I still don't know why.

If anyone has any thoughts on this I would love to hear them....I am told by loved ones and friends that I should forget about him, but how? He's my brother....I wonder if he'll ever be the brother I thought I knew again? Or if I'll ever get to see the real Jim?

Welcome to PC calla75 and sorry you experienced all this drama. I don't know whether your brother has a personality disorder, but his actions are inappropriate. Your friend also acted very wrong for having sex on your couch, when she's a married woman and for letting your brother stay at her house. They imposed their actions on you by becoming intimate in your house. You don't have to tolerate him yelling at you or the hateful emails. He may be your brother by blood, but he's not acting like one.

You may have projected your own wishful thinking of how you thought he would be, but he's not really acting nice. If he can't give you respect, then he shouldn't speak to you until he can. They both took advantage of your hospitality.

Thank you for writing Lynn P. :-) I am concerned that he has NPD, because of the way he treated me and how he behaved when I stopped going along with everything he did without question. Prior to the introduction of Eve, he and I had a very easy going relationship. I was happy that he is happy with her, in the beginning, but after seeing changes in him and realizing that he was using lies to inflate his persona, I politely and calmly tried talking to him (in the same manner we had always communicated) in the months prior to the blow up but he always dodged and said they were busy and he couldn't talk. They got very angry at me a few months before because I cancelled a dinner invite at their house (eves house) because my daughter had strep throat....they thought I made it up and accused me of it via email. I took a pic of her meds and the after care instructions from urgent care and sent it to them, and after that is when they basically stopped communicating with me until the blow up. He has alienated many of the people that he has been friends with for years, a few of them reached out to me and asked "who the F is Eve?"....they all noticed big changes in Jim, not good changes. One of the friends who has known Jim since he was in High school (he's 40 now) said he does this every time he's with someone new....molds himself to their likes, dislikes, and behaviors....Eve's family is quite wealthy, and are (according to a mutual friend that he hasn't unfriended) giving he and eve a huge "allowance" to live on.....and knowing my brothers inability to get along in along in a work environment (he always says someone has issues with him and looks for a new job) I'm sure he is quite happy to live off of someone else. Does a normal, respectable, 40 yr old man do this? I know I can't do anything about his behavior, and I haven't even tried to contact him since just after the blow up a year ago...I have given in to the reality that our relationship is ruined. I just wonder if there is a reason that this all happened...I have replayed it all a million times and have read the emails looking for some sign that I caused this. I have shared these messages with certain friends to see what their take is and they all said that it seemed unprovoked.....since many of the messages were via FB messaging they have been deleted by him, somewhat recently, though he didn't delete them all. Anyway, I don't know if he has NPD either, but from the descriptions I have read it seems he does.