[DangG]

hi everyone

i've came here many times on 'silent mode', mostly reading insight-full threads that would give some clues regarding my directions and problems of myself and my life. However not wanting to be the person i am means a big change that even with small steps seems to get harder as time goes by.

now i will talk about my condition, i hope not make it too long, and i'll try to provide better and relevant info in order for people to help me figure this out, for that i thank you in advance for your time.

This mostly cause i cannot stop these cycles that persuade me to start over again (it starts by trying to be a better person, have a better life and relationship with people close to me). This whole cycle is very complex and the way it ends is explained in daily non threads on this forum. My personal acknowledgement is that i just start deliberately to 'give up' on everything as the motivation weaken and stress escalate. The very things i've fight hard for (once again) are not the ones i want anymore by this time. The people starts to get really feed up with me, reasonably, since the situation happens over and over.

Also i recognise myself as a very good planner but a mediocre do-er, but how do i always end up with the very same feelings of nothingness and 'destroy' everything i worked for and alienate everyone that is around me?

These cycles are having a smaller time-span, due to recognising them i actually improved some stuff and was able to do some 'damage control', mostly in order to not hurt more the same people.

I think we are what we are and cannot truly change that. We can work to make things better, to understand more but to try and think that you can be someone your not is a battle that I think 99.9% will lose. Not to go off topic but I saw a post here in NPD threads regarding Meyers Brigg test. This really made sense and you should take it and see what you come up with. Personalitycafe seems to provide the best direction I have seen so far. I believe that to be better the people you are close with have to understand you as much as that sounds not possible, they do need to have an understanding. If these people cannot do this it will be impossible to work it out to be better for them and most important yourself. These cycles we share are in fact what makes us tick whether up or down it is who we are. I have had and still do just less as time goes on with what you feel. Feeling back and forth and so on and so on. My wife has come so much more in tune with my issues and this is what has been so helpful to me. Do I still act in ways that are far from proper? I do, but her understanding helps me to see things better. In a way we are all children who need to be shown again and again what's right and wrong. The most important thing is we recogonize our issues and work at becoming better because of that. We are allowed to fall off track and can anything other be expected? Keep moving ahead and as time goes on you will learn more and understand more which I myself still have a extreme amount of time to go. One of my traits which many share is the ease of dropping people. The ones who bring you down, interfere and hold you back I have dropped and will not look back. I am one who can survive alone as my mind is my best friend and at the same time worst enemy. It is what it is, we were made in to this. What we do seconds, minutes, hours and years from now is up to us. Good luck and I understand your thoughts as many others here do as well. Keep in mind that your not alone and let me know your test results with Meyers Brigg.