Lack of resources and stupid therapists.

This is exactly why they don't try to treat us lol because they know deep down, no matter what, we don't have a problem with how we are. We may try to change how we act, who we are, etc in therapy but it isn't to remove our PD or "cure it." It's usually to feed it (at least for me).

I'm still in contact with people who abused me at a young age (mental, physical). I don't know, I really just engage people if they talk to me. I obviously don't like what happened to me, but it happened and it doesn't any more. I know for most the best solution by far is to distance themselves from their abuser, but i think i'm kind of by that. I only drop people from my life that pose a threat at the current time (and usually then it's to exposing me or something) and even then, I'm usually the one doing a wrong like ruining the persons reputation so others wont believe them first before i get rid of them.

I'm still in contact with my mother, but I no longer speak to my father. He's scared to death of me, actually. It's hilarious.

My mother has actually changed a lot, I don't mind speaking to her.

Exactly lol. That's how it is for me as well when it comes to therapy, it feeds it. Heh.

The bolded part is an exact description of me, HA.

Also, we are of a similar mind re: our childhoods. It happened yes, and I didn't like it... but like you said, it's not happening anymore. Not a big deal to me.

I'm just tired of mind games. They're a waste of my time. And after a while, they literally give me a headache.

So, you feel that therapists play mind games with you? That's what it sounds like from what I've read of your posts...

Part of it for me is also a sense of justice. I don't like it when people get away with things without suffering consequences. I've confronted my dad with some of the things he has done. and he didn't like it, so now he tries to pay me back in kind, too. My solution is to get away from him and stay away.

And perhaps I'm different in that people are able to hurt me. I'm tired of being hurt.

Yes. Sometimes it seems like that is one of the defining characteristics of therapy. They get to know you, and then attempt to manipulate you with a series of mind-games in an attempt to get you to do whatever it is that they have decided in their subjective experience is good for you.

I'd rather they actually have a rational conversation with me. But, unfortunately, I'm not above getting pissed off and playing some games myself. It's all BS. I'm done (at least for now, lol).

What would be justice to you?

Holding them accountable for their actions.

I see your point.

What do you believe would be "good for you"?

I'd rather have a rational conversation too, but therapists don't seem to like that very much. Heh.

Therapists will have a rational conversation about yourself if you express you want to, but a lot of times this just doesn't work. People often believe they can see their problems and know how to work them out, but the reason therapists avoid just flat out saying these things is it's going to cause conflict. Even if you know what's right and what you need to do, there is still a reason you haven't done it, and that's why you need to be "tricked." If you can get over yourself and just do what your therapist tells you and when, and have complete trust in them then being open and honest both ways is great. If not, it just causes turmoil

how would you do that? Do you think perhaps they already have been held accountable? From what you've told here, they have been held accountable, and specifically at your hand. They no longer get to see you, which is a severe punishment i'm sure for them.

Learning as much about the subjects of epistemology, logic, and critical thinking (ethics are interesting, also) as I can. Writing fictional stories based loosely on my experiences (I think it would be very therapeutic).

Psychology is so small-minded.... they focus on such petty details. I've got things to learn and fortunes to make, lol.

You're right... I've held everyone accountable except the man who abused me when I was 10. I've made some feeble attempts to locate him, but I'm stuck.

I doubt very much that the people who "no longer get to see me" see it as a punishment at all, and I'm okay with that.

Well you can do that without a therapist. Psychology definitely has its limits and it's not for everyone.

Using logic and reason for everything is great, but the problem is you also have emotions that don't use those. That's where psychology can be helpful

Does all of this still bother you a lot?

I've wasted too much time on my own emotions. I can see their usefulness in writing fiction. and I'm pretty good at making emotional arguments when the need arises.



I'm not sure what you mean....

Are you seeing a T right now? Are you getting anything out of it?

I get more out of message boards like this one, than I ever got out of any T.

No. When I was in therapy, it just fed my ASPD.

I get a lot more out of talking to people who aren't professionals. Therapists always have a ton of preconceived notions about me that I don't appreciate.

The thing is though, you can't get rid of your emotions so you need to learn to identify what is causing them and the reasoning. It seems you're fairly efficient at that, but acceptance seems to be a part you need to work on.

To tie that previous statement into what I meant, I meant does all of this turmoil and trauma from your past cause you problems today? Do you still have negative effects from it? Because if you do, that is where the acceptance can be helpful. You do accept what happened to you which is great, but you also need to accept the rest of the story as well. You need to accept that while this did happen before, it is no longer happening to you now. You need to accept that you might never be able to make the person pay, and you need to accept that making them "pay" wont actually help you at all.

One of the funniest things that happened is when a T gave me a personality test and then told me that I'd probably argue, but he assured me it was an accurate test. I remember thinking "is this guy for real? accurate according to who?". LOL

That was before I knew anything about the Myers-brigs personality types. InTJ Describes me best.

I'm okay with not being able to find the guy... I don't even remember the last time I thought about it. Sometimes I actually feel bad about the fact I didn't try to find him earlier.. what if he abused others after me, and I could have stopped him by getting him prosecuted?

I think I'm fairly well adjusted.. but, have no way to objectively measure that, lol. This still bothers me.

I wish I could get more done during the day. My willpower has really sucked recently. But, other times I've been so obsessed with my goals, that I was basically a driven *** whose way most knew to stay out of.

My biggest problem lately is that I'm already dreading Thanksgiving and Christmas. I don't want get together and spend time with anyone, thank you.... but, my wife does.

Let me ask you the same question... what do you think would be "good for you"?

Do you ever fantasize about the way you wish you could be? I'm not sure if it's healthy or not, but I sometimes do.

I think what's good for me is blending in with society and going by unnoticed. It's simply not expedient for me to take off my mask. My goal is to function as normally as possible so I can have what I want in life without certain behaviors of mine holding me back.

And no, I don't have such fantasies. I am proud of who I am and I wouldn't change a thing.