OMFG: Maybe I Have NPD???

Hey, all ...

This is one of the darkest days in my entire sordid history of men'al illness. I would never presume to diagnose myself, but except for the "Delusional Narrative Solution" and "Antisocial Solution" paragraphs, this Sam Vaknin article fits me to a T. Narcissistic. Personality. Disorder. Thirteen prior therapists have missed this, and that article has devastated me -- so much so that I almost left work early today for men'al reasons, something I've never done before.

I would never have believed this of myself -- but of course, that's evidence of the problem.

How is NPD treated, and is there any hope of a decent life afterward? I understand personality disorders are the hardest psych conditions to treat, and few therapists want to take them on. Plus, the few truly good therapists here in the Hick Hub of the Universe don't take insurance, and I just haven't the cash flow to pay full price and wait for reimbursement.

Is there any form of decent and compassionate treatment out there? Or do I even deserve compassion? I thought the narcissist was the scum of the earth, and the only way to deal with one was to rub his nose in his selfishness, break his spirit, crush his soul, and force him to accept rebuilding into a shape of his rightful betters' rightful choosing?

And what if any meds are useful?

Please point me in the right direction ... I'm at the end of my rope, just as my wife is at the end of hers after thirty years of my s--t. I can't take much more of this, and though I won't act on suicidal thoughts, the thought that I deserve to die has never been stronger.

thanks -- DSM-3.1415926

That 13 therapists have 'missed' such a diagnosis is kind of telling.

I doubt they were all so incompetent that they could have missed it.

I would suggest you speak to a professional before you go worrying yourself about any further about this.

I don't know how accurate this is but maybe it can put your mind at rest: Narcissistic Personality Inventory - Psych Central

I thought narcissists were masters of impression management and could charm the pants off anyone? Competence has nothing to do with it.

I've obviously pulled a great con on my wife, or it wouldn't have run for three decades. I just admitted this to her, and now that she knows it, she's furious. We had the most vicious fight of our marriage last night, and I've spent all this morning trying to feel the proper remorse ... and CAN'T. Thirty years of "I'm sorry's" are meaningless now.

I'm sure I'd get a far different score on that inventory if I weren't taking it in light of the Vaknin article -- but it's a whole new ballgame now. Will take it and report back.

If you can't feel remorse like you claim, why do you care?

I am incapable of remorse myself, and I don't care that I don't feel it.

Personally, given your apparent level of distress at this diagnosis you've given yourself I doubt you have NPD. Maybe you have tendencies but having read another thread you've written similar to this thread I also think you maybe need to stop reading about these things on the internet and actually speak to a professional.

Just to add I don't know how the Vankin article can colour how you answer that particular test.

If you really want an answer you're going to answer honestly. If you feel you need to pick the most likely narcissistic answers in order to confirm your self diagnosis then you probably aren't a narcissist. If you want to pick the answers most likely to prove you wrong then there probably isn't much point in worrying if you're a narcissist or not.

Hi DSM,
Both my mom and my dad are narcissists. When you said "I'm sorry" in the last thirty years, did you truly mean it? Or were you just saying it? I have never once heard either of my parents apologize and mean it. I have never heard my dad apologize, period. My mom she will say sorry but she always attaches something to it so whomever she is saying it to feels guilty.
Another valid point brought up by Atypical_Disaster, from my experience with my parents, they don't have or show any sort of remorse and they don't care. Here you are reaching out and it really sounds like you care.
It sounds to me like you want to get help and get better, which shows you care.
Maybe you see yourself in a lot of the NPD article, because we tend to judge ourselves worse than others would. I guess I'd ask someone on here who has NPD, if they read the article would they say, "Oh that's me I need to find a way to get better", would they say, "that isn't me, there is nothing wrong with me", or would they just not care one way or the other.
Going back to what I've witnessed, neither of my parents can admit to being NPD and neither cares that they have been told they have it.
DSM, I'm sorry for my book, but I would really like you to seek therapy both individual and couples therapy to work this out.

Be well,

Celtic

Well, guess what? I just answered that inventory honestly ... and scored a 1 out of 40. I was relieved until I realized that test doesn't distinguish between wishes and conduct. For example, one of the question pairs is:

I like to have authority over other people. / I don't mind following orders.

Do I wish I had authority over other people -- that others had to jump at my command simply because I said, "I WANT"? Absolutely. (And please, don't anyone tell me those feelings are normal -- they aren't right.) But having grown up under two tyrant parents and worked for numerous bosses from hell, I would never actually do that to anyone. (This is why I've never pursued a management position at my job -- I'd either be an angry, dictatorial micro-manager, or overcompensate for this by becoming a perpetually walked-on patsy.)

Good points. Gotta love it when I contradict myself. Thanks.

Oh, I meant it sincerely -- but meaning well isn't enough. Alas, the jury's still out on whether men'al illness causes my character flaws or not; luckily, she and I have patched things up (again), and I'm redoubling my efforts at resisting its influence. I'll soon be asking my pdoc if I can revisit some of the past meds I didn't give a fair try, or maybe try MAOI's for the first time.

Thanks, all.

I have tried meds not so much to help with NPD but for my emotions. Waste of time IMO. You see when I say sorry it really bothers me, in fact I have found myself apologizing to gain a reaction that is needed more for me than for the other. If you read all the articles out there I am sure we can relate to so many. You cannot diagnose yourself by reading the so called godfather of NPD "Mr. Sam". Do you feel bad when something happens or are you annoyed at the others reaction of nagging and arguing with you because they don;t like what you did? You see I have ZERO empathy and no matter what I do or try it just doesn't work. My feelings when someone is bothered by me makes me infuriated that they actually have a problem with me. I can't deal with hearing others stories of hurt, bother or whatever. Its just a big inconvenience for me. If you feel that you understand others and can relate to your wife's issues with you then you have empathy. I believe first and foremost that if empathy does exist inside of you than your wasting yours and most importantly ours with trying to get an answer here. It could also be that you believe that you understand her when you really don't/ Could just be one of the many masks we wear on a daily basis. It is one thing to have the actually feelings, to see all the different shades and colors and it's a whole other thing to understand them as a definition which could make YOU think that you actually have them when in fact you have masked it for so long that you begin to believe it to be true. In short you may have just made up with your wife, your happiness equates to winning the fight which you believe to be love. You are feeling better because you no longer hear the yelling and this makes you feel normal again. You manipulate your own-self into believing all is good. This is NPD hahahahaha. Absolutely nuts!!!!!

Dead on accurate. Especially the apology bit. My ex told me that almost exactly.

And I still think you should write a book.

You got it maybe