[Walkingaround]

So, i opened up a bottle of Jack Daniels ( yes yes, i know its bad wiskey) and ended up more pisses I was before.

Well here's the thing, i try very hard not to blow up. I really really try. I try to think the traits.. i try to listen to music, i try to tell myself that I'm over acting here.

It is NOT working. Only thing keeping me from blowning up right now, is that i dont want to, or feel to do it via phone.
I'll sit here and wait for my "other half" to come home. And drink.

Beside it is his fault. !! Not mine. I AM titled to say, and correct mistakes his done, arent I?

I am so angry, i could blow up this god damed house.

[silver tree]

what are the reasons you are annoyed with him?

Would it be better to find a way to talk to him about these things? easier said than done I know Maybe vent and me though and see if you can get it out of your system? x

[Walkingaround]

Its the way he said things, way he looked. I took it like critisim on me. And I wont tolerate that. Not from him. I just want him to see that i am way better then he is. and he shouldnt treat me like that.

[silver tree]

But by resorting to drunken abuse only degrades you as a person, not makes you better.

Isn't it better to ask him why he is like that with you? Also is it maybe your perception and not what he thinks at all? Either way reducing yourself to that is not good for you imo.

I understand that upset can make you react badly, trust me! but it's not good really x

[Walkingaround]

Yeah.. a good point.. But he is diagnosed NPD himself too.. So asking why he is doing that is the same as asking, why do people breathe. I know the answer. Basicly i am trieng to ask, how other NPD:s have been ably to control theyr rage?

[silver tree]

I don't have NPD but I am aware that you live by different emotional rules. I don't like to be made to feel stupid or beneath people though and it can make me angry too. For me it's because it hurts to always feel that though and I don't need reminding, which I am guessing is different for you?

I would say from an NPD point of view, that perhaps remembering that allowing yourself to react to that in an angry way puts you beneath that person and naturally makes you less of a person?

I am sorry I can't help more x

So what your getting at is when you feel he is wrong you need to let him know and then correct them for him. A few problems here, one he is a man and by you treating him like a child will only make things worse. Two, he has NPD so add that into the mix is like putting a fire out with gasoline. ANd you know this already!!! Possibly the things that bother you so much are the same things that keep things so interesting for you. So many games are played when dealing with NPD and putting two together in a relationship must be the ultimate one(game). I know for me I can already blow up without adding alcohol to the mix. When I do add that my censorship and little restraints are fully gone creating a whole new monster. If you seek peace then you need to find new ways of dealing with things and whiskey is not it. I still say things that are not right but now I am able to check back on myself a few minutes later and see that I was wrong. No matter how hard it is to accept others have faults it's just something we have to learn. How great would it be to not get that fire burning inside, to be able to let it roll off of us and move ahead with a clear head and no worries. To understand why something bothers us so much and be able to deal with those emotions constructively instead of the same old negativity it usually leads us to. I understand and in no way am trying to preach as I have yet to master anything with the road to recovery. Some of us will one day and most of us probably will not. I don't know what's worse? Living with what we have without knowing it or living with what we have and trying to do better but continue down the same path. I would have to say it was much easier when I thought I was normal and my ways were just mine and not caused by a PD. BTW how are you feeling at this time?

[Walkingaround]

Hi.

I'm sober again

Much better now, had it out of my system. Well i think you can guess the outcome. I wouldn't want to be around at similar situation as a guest. We had our war and now back on tracs like nothing ever happened.

But as said, i do now allready what you wrote. But its good to remind ourselves sometimes about that. Even as we now, time can make us (atleast me) blind to it and reminding helps to try to keep tracs on the way of heltier ways.

Thank you.