Do you think there is such a thing as "subtle" narcissism?

Atypical_Disaster · Sep 20, 2015, 10:00 AM

crosstobear, I wanted to say real quick that I also very much enjoy reading your posts!

Atypical_Disaster · Sep 20, 2015, 10:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crosstobear

I have two vertical scars on my left wrist. From the scars you can tell there were stitches, and you can tell they were very deep. I won't get into anything that may trigger someone, but they were the result of a deliberate plan involving multiple methods to end my life, and I was as a result clinically dead for a couple of minutes, and through some way resuscitated (not because of the cuts, but because of the other methods I used. They wreaked havoc on my organs). I had to be taken off lithium and all that stuff I was on, and the effects of my overdose and sudden withdrawal made me manic. A doctor came and saw me for two minutes and assumed my energetic mood was due to "getting the attention and validation I needed" and told me he thinks I'm borderline. Then I asked for a couple minutes so he can explain this to me and he gave me a look of wary disgust and walked out. People cut for different reasons. With borderlines it's more to focus on the pain and bring some sense of peace and control. Sometimes it's to put into action words they cannot express regarding others, or to show others their pain. And even these "borderline" reasons are valid for other people who engaged in cutting. My reason to cut was not for those reasons, hence they were vertical and not horizontal or diagonal. But that doesn't stop a busy psychiatrist who sees you as a number for five minutes to slap you with a label that can change your life...

Today I often wear short sleeves and don't care. Most people can't see the scar unless they really focus. I've asked people if they want me to take a picture and send it to them, since they are so interested. That usually embarasses them and they stop. I don't really care for people seeing my scars, it's the arrogance of assuming you know about the person's character based on it that bothers me. But I don't put it past humans.

That is a powerful story. I cannot imagine feeling bad enough to make a serious attempt on my own life. I have never been suicidal. I've been very psychotic and have heard voices commanding me to kill myself, but I never acted on that; instead I called my psychiatrist to put me in the hospital for a few days so I could be safe while I inevitably had to get a medication adjustment and/or change.

You're correct that people self injure for many different reasons, it is not at all borderline PD exclusive. I self injured while psychotic, needless to say my motives for said self injury were very strange by the nature of the underlying cause which was schizophrenic psychotic episodes, and not at all the more "typical" reasons for why someone would do that. When I'm not severely psychotic I cannot even imagine causing myself deliberate harm at all. Why would I? I am a full blown Narcissist(I use the term "Narcissist" as shorthand to describe my personality dysfunction but there are also plenty of perks to having NPD as well but I will spare everyone that novel of a post at least for today, ha ha ha), there is no way in hell I would do that in my right mind, that is only something I've done when my state of mind has been beyond compromised.

That doctor calling you a borderline sounded like he was overworked and ignorant at best or just a straight up moron at worst. I've read a fair amount of your posts, and although this is only the internet there is nothing I've seen in your posts that would point to any of the traits of BPD.

Atypical_Disaster · Sep 20, 2015, 10:19 AM

Quote:

Funny thing is I actually know quite a few people like that. I would say it's a narcissistic trait but also a trait of other personalities. But not all narcissists are alike, and it's also a matter of degree. One may show his or her narcissism in intellectual matters, another in sexual matters.

The bolded part is what I've been telling people for years. I am a Narcissist, but there are plenty of differences between me and the other resident Narcissist who posts here regularly for example(you know who you are HA HA HA). While he and I obviously have the NPD traits in common, he and myself both still manifest those traits differently. That is where a label can become so limiting and it's why I think that while a label can be useful, it is not helpful to put yourself in a box. Like for example, I have seen particularly in the personality place part of the forums in general that people can end up seemingly wanting subconsciously to write off EVERY single thing about themselves as a part of X personality disorder that they may or may not be diagnosed with. I may be a Narcissist, but I still have a unique personality and identity that is entirely my own. "Narcissist" is only one of many terms that can be used to describe me, and it is far from the be all and end all of who I am.

I also like very much that you mentioned that it is a matter of degree. Everyone has narcissistic traits. I am diagnosed with the disorder because I am on the extreme end of the spectrum, I meet all nine of the criteria for NPD and it pervades all contexts and areas of my life, both in my inner experiences, thoughts, feelings, motivations, and in my outer experiences and how I interact with people and the world around me in general.

A personality disorder diagnosis should never be made lightly.

Sep 20, 2015, 10:57 AM

I have butterflies in my gut. All this love is so overwhelming this morning. And yes I DO KNOW WHO I ARE. Hahahahaha

Atypical_Disaster · Sep 20, 2015, 11:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Underground

I have butterflies in my gut. All this love is so overwhelming this morning. And yes I DO KNOW WHO I ARE. Hahahahaha

Aw I knew you were secretly warm and fuzzy inside and just didn't tell me!

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

Sep 20, 2015, 08:59 PM

Who would have known that Underground is secretly a sweet little teddy bear? LOLOLOLOL

Sep 20, 2015, 09:53 PM

It seems I may have been compromised.... I am a teddy bear in wolves clothing!!! Anyhow Atypical please give me a little more knowledge on how the resident narcs are different. I anticipate the magic that will soon come to life. I feel that the time is nearing that I will have to write a long passage of science so I too can get the searched for compliments as others here (smirking and snarling). I really do amuse myself!!!! Hahahahaha. People often come and go some with a little more pep than others but Underground is the foundation here that leaves all to build off of, so your welcome all!!!
Love,
THE Underground (Sir)

Sep 20, 2015, 09:53 PM

It is for much needed enjoyment and nothing to do with wing a Narcissist!!!! Lol

Sep 20, 2015, 09:54 PM

Wing..... Iphone spell check.... BEING

Sep 20, 2015, 09:57 PM

Pshh Android>iPhone LOLOL /sarcasm off.

On a more serious note, I will probably be another active member here which makes 1 more (probable) narcissist and I look forward to seeing more of your post in the future

Sep 21, 2015, 07:32 AM

I am Black/Blue--------- Enjoyed!!!

ChipperMonkey · Oct 27, 2015, 10:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tauren

I think I would describe my narcissistic "friend" as a subtle narcissist. On the surface she seems to be all about helping people. She does "spiritual healing" and all that. Her narcissim doesn't show much with casual acquaintences, but if one of her close circle DARES to question her ideas, she takes it as an attack and cuts them out of her life. She considers herself a guru and considers all her "friends" to be her followers. But you'd have to be pretty close to her to see it. Unless you're prepared to follow her, she won't let you in. I can only see it by the damage she's done to other people, not by her interactions with me personally, since I'm not one of her followers.

Holy crap you just described a former friend of mine! The surface stuff is the same, the inner circle stuff is the same......soooooo glad I got away from her!

here today · Oct 28, 2015, 07:18 AM

Sounds like maybe the "Queen Bee" syndrome? Here's a link for more information:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...e-female-world

pearlys · Oct 28, 2015, 10:49 AM

Sounds like my ex wife. In public she is always nice and humble, everybody likes her, she is successful, intelligent and attractive. But at home she was unpredictable and mean. Not always, she could be kind and supportive but also demanding. Gossiping not she has her principes. But there were more fights than intimacy.

Oct 28, 2015, 11:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pearlys

Sounds like my ex wife. In public she is always nice and humble, everybody likes her, she is successful, intelligent and attractive. But at home she was unpredictable and mean. Not always, she could be kind and supportive but also demanding. Gossiping not she has her principes. But there were more fights than intimacy.

Sounds like my study leader at university. Only after being under her now for about 5 years, have I seen over time in the grand scheme of things how she manipulated things to get everything her way, and her subtle lies about almost everything.

Chris Altman · Oct 28, 2015, 01:52 PM

Narcissism can exist in many people without being pathological. Only when the personality is persistent, pervasive and causes significant impairment or distress does it entail a disorder.

Best wishes...

pearlys · Oct 28, 2015, 06:12 PM

Yes as long as just other ppl suffer and not themselves there is nothing pathological :rollingeyes:

Chris Altman · Oct 28, 2015, 08:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pearlys

Yes as long as just other ppl suffer and not themselves there is nothing pathological :rollingeyes:

That's the definition. Rolls eyes and smacks hand to face*

Oct 28, 2015, 10:28 PM

[QUOTE=Chris Altman;4745931]That's the definition. Rolls eyes and smacks hand to face*[/QUOTE

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...ide-narcissism

Chris is right. There is healthy Narcissism and unhealthy Narcissism.

Atypical_Disaster · Oct 29, 2015, 06:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pearlys

Yes as long as just other ppl suffer and not themselves there is nothing pathological :rollingeyes:

So who was the narcissist(s) in your life that you're truly angry at? Your post indicates to me that you're pretty bitter...

Atypical_Disaster · Oct 29, 2015, 06:40 AM

[QUOTE=ValentinaVVV;4746077]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chris Altman

That's the definition. Rolls eyes and smacks hand to face*[/QUOTE

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...ide-narcissism

Chris is right. There is healthy Narcissism and unhealthy Narcissism.

Interesting article, thanks for posting that.

I think that some level of narcissism is just a part of basic human survival instinct, if you never think of yourself then you're going to end up dead before your time. It's really that simple, some level of narcissism is just necessary and it doesn't mean it's at all pathological. I've met people with a hefty dose of what I would call "healthy narcissism", the difference between them and those I've met with NPD is night and day.

Oct 30, 2015, 09:53 AM

She is referring to me with all my healthiness.

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Do you think there is such a thing as "subtle" narcissism?

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