Narcissists and love.

I freely admit to rereading my writings online and offline and being totally amazed by myself!

The replies to this thread have been widely entertaining, but allow me to answer the OP's question.

I'm not a full fledged NPD by any means, but I have traits of NPD. With that being said, I dislike it when anybody be it lover, friend, or otherwise, feels any contempt or pity towards me. I want to be at the very least respected and liked if not admired, envied, and revered.

When it comes to relationships, I want somebody who I can control, yet, makes it a challenge for me. I want somebody who needs me rather than simply wants me, yet at the same time, I desire somebody who I respect enough to consider an "equal". I also want somebody who accepts my darker side, who is capable of critical thinking, seeks to stand out rather than fit in, and doesn't mindlessly conform to social norms.

If all else fails, I want a relationship that is exciting and passionate in the short term, even if it has a high risk of failure later on. Lifelong love is a lie for anybody who is in any way outside of the societal norm, therefore, when it comes to my interpersonal relationships, I prioritize short term pleasure over long term stability. Besides, being with only one person one's entire natural lifespan and living a quiet normal life would be boring and depressing to me.

I just go with what I feel in my head, heart and crotch. All that lines up- than I love you.

One of those isn't present-than I stop loving you.

I choose all I want, from there I gain what I need. If you were once chosen then it was a test for my own good. Failure was never an option. Gain was all that was needed. So many have faltered to needs of others in ways they may be ashamed of today. No need to ever look back as this only holds you there. I myself have plenty that hold me back, how great it would be with deletion of past and only gains of future benefits left to think of. You may say WTF!!! I say perfect..... Another verse to think about as if it makes sense consider yourself alike. Thoughts brought to life uncensored and uncut!!!

i have no flipping' idea what you just said. ^ LOL

I'm guilty of that, too. *Pats self on back*

[QUOTE=crosstobear;4711129]I'm guilty of that, too. *Pats self on back*[/

Another thanks to The Underground!!!

Back to the topic.

I'm doing this presentation on sadomasochism for a sex therapy course. Reading the literature, I've come to realize the sexual dynamics of my personality. It's best described using an example. I wouldn't consider myself a classic submissive, but I display the traits. I tend to be very decisive in everyday life, but want to let go in private. I feel a ton of stress making decisions and often second guess myself. There's a girl I work with who is in a position above me. Her and I have frequent conversations and there's this unspoken attraction between both of us. She's a very, very dominant and controlling person, and it comes from a fundamental insecurity. Yet at the same time she can be very perceptive to emotion and very nurturing. It's that whole tough love thing. And I can't help but imagine her tying me up and punishing me. She also has a submissive side. I've seen it. When she gets too dogmatic, I show her that I differ in opinion and stand my ground, and she gives me this look that I can only describe as submissive with sexual undertones... like she is awed and weak in the knees that someone is standing up to her or differing from her, and attracted to that. She gets that way too when she realizes I see through her facade. It's funny because vulnerability turns me on as well. We both have this unspoken dynamic going on and both have come to notice it. I wish we didn't work together, but where else would this dynamic play out so well?

The literature says the dominant-submissive relationship is about the submissive giving up control to someone who can both understand them and wants the best for them, but will take a tough, disciplined approach with them with small doses of controlled affection in exchange. I see this playing out with her on a daily basis. She exerts power and dominates me, then comes to my aid and shows me her empathic side. And when she has me in this submissive position and I'm powerless, she has this lusty smile and fire in her eyes. You can tell she's getting off to it in her head. It's interesting because there are few relationships you can find this dynamic in, hence why so many people enlist dominatrix services on the side. There's literature out there that men who tend to prefer oral sex tend to have this submissive streak because it's complete surrender of control and frankly you don't know if your partner will bite it off... I've always preferred that to straight intercourse. I've never been into vanilla sex, it has to have some kind of spice or else it's bland.

Any fellow N's or whatever into the kinkier side of things?

I'm definitely into the kinkier side of things, lol... Dominant here, though I do like the occasional switch as I can get so attracted to someone when they can actually stand their ground with me. I think it's hot.

I can add some of my ways:
I thoroughly enjoy wrapping my hands around my wife's neck and choking her. If I was a killer this would be my tactic lol
Video taping events are of the norm
Tying her up and using a leather paddle, horse whip
Public sex is something that had hapoened but no where near enough lol
Amongst many other tools I have in my little treasure trove.
Best to start small then add on hahahahaha
I enjoy every part of control!!

I would be embedded in the ground!!!

Want a medal?

Of course you do! HA HA HA!

I really enjoy that. I love to submit and let her suck me and do with my member what she likes. I was once with this woman who bound my hands to her bed above my head and sucked me hard and vigorously. At first it was a little painful, but I got into it eventually and it was absolutely amazing! It was so intense, I was unable to have an orgasm. She worked me for like an hour and a half and we could have kept going even more. Eventually I had to have sex with her just to orgasm. Never ever found another woman who was able to match that experience. This lady now has a bf. Lucky bastard.

Ah man... Lucky guy... An hour? Surprised her jaw didn't fall off! This thread got hot so quick lol

What you say makes sense. I'm also into the kinkier side of things although I'm more of a dominate with submissive tendencies myself (although the submissive side of me won't come out unless I am with somebody that I trust).

For those who are curious, some of the things that I'm turned on by include blood (both my own and the partner's), seeing girls scared or in pain (especially when screaming is involved), forms of public embarrassment (such as girls having their skirts lifted in public), sadistic and murderous women and female psychopaths, blindfolding, gags, and of course bondage (both binding women and being bound myself) with an emphasis on extreme bondage that makes it impossible to move any part of your body.

To me, there is no other way to have sex

That is some Patrick Bateman ****...

The only other place I've heard this is inside my own head. Thank you for that!

Yeah I know I'm screwed up mentally but you know what? I'm damn proud of it

I'm glad that I can be of assistance

Welcome to PC BTW!

The more I work in the social services field the more I realize how few "normal" people are. Theres the mask of normality most of us don for the public but underneath it we are all perverted or screwed up in our own ways. This one girl I knew was the most normal looking and even keeled girl out there. We started dating and it became very clear she was looking for a man to take out her rage against her father on. She would talk about beating me bloody and bruising me up and this wasn't consensual, it made me uncomfortable. There was no sense of empathy or nurturance from her. It was purely about punishing her father. I was just an effigy or a voodoo doll. Throughout our half a year she would repeat the pattern of building me up then pulling the rug from under my feet and watching me hurt. She'd do this emotional blueballing like clockwork. And then one day I found all her thumbscrews and verbally destroyed her, and broke things off. What she did was purely selfish. No consent in the dynamic. Just pure transference and processing of childhood crap. I was an object. A year later she reaches out to me not apologizing, but wanting to repair her karma by helping me with school. You absolutely never know how screwed up people can be, and often the normal or innocent ones are the worst.

So no judgment. But your comment totally made me think of Patrick Bateman doing crunches while watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre, or calling up his lover while watching bondage porn lolol...

I wasn't insulted by what you said by any means. If anything, I was flattered.

I agree though that everybody is crazy to some extent. Some of us are simply better at hiding it than others.

Narcissists have much love, some for others much more for themselves. Greedy people I tell yA!!

Kenpachi Zaraki is a fictional character and an antihero in the anime and manga series Bleach created by Tite Kubo.

My Narc husband seems to LOVE it when I submit and say nothing. I joke that he likes me quiet and sedated... When I hit a manic cycle and come out of a depressed phase, if I do my make-up and tell him he's been a jerk lately or whatever HE HATES IT and threatens to leave... Any advice?

Might try faking it, when it's just for his benefit. I noticed that a couple of times me and mine (ex) were intimate when I happened to have had tears in my eyes, he was really turned on by that. I was pretty sure he was aware of it, so I took to engendering that emotion on occasion, but letting him feel like he was the one who'd made it happen when it did, which saved me a lot of actual heartache (him taking actions with the express purpose of drawing tears).

I don't know if this is good advice; just something that worked for me, for a while. I'm no longer with this person so I can't attest to its long term advisability. It may have fostered some unhelpful codependency in the relationship, but I can't isolate that to say for sure since we had gotten ourselves into many overlapping dysfunctionalities.