Narcissists and love.

You think he leaves to get me to cry? I assumed it was b/c he can't handle me seeming to be more confident or "better than" him... And are you suggesting I play the victim to placate his need for superiority?

Is leaving him not an option for you?

Not at all.

Not suggesting one way or the other; was merely offering an idea for how to potentially gain some personal sense of control in the relationship. I put the disclaimer because I have no way of knowing whether this would work for someone else; just something that worked for me. I think it allowed me to maintain more personal autonomy in the relationship, to be more playful about the ways I dealt with his need to control things. Letting him think he was more in control while also maintaining areas of it for myself.

As I said though, the relationship ended, so I can't attest to ways in which it helped the health of the relationship, only how it helped me. But I think that when you're in a relationship with someone who tends towards manipulation and control, all kinds of healthy survival could be abetted by creatively engendering those traits as well, in what ways you can live with. Which may not be same ways I could.

Please just go back and read only what I write and you'll be good!!!

I think you are caught in a cycle with him and you are enabling him. If you change your reaction, then he has to change his.

Forget about him. Work on yourself.

That's why he comes back then I guess... Cuz I am Bi Polar and it's never boring! Lmao No but I think I get it... It really it is a cycle about power and control... Gawd and I keep telling him we need to just take it to the bedroom and we wouldn't get in these messes! stubborn guy only refuses because it was my idea...

Control, control and more control.... What it's all about. Remember it's all about the game, figuring a way to win so to speak. Simply said but not simply done.

That's a good question. Depends on how the lover acts.

What is your guys diagnosis?

all very interesting!!!

I know this question was initially asked a while back but I saw the thread because of more recent comments and wanted to mention, I think I said in another thread ValentinaVVV that my ex who I think has NPD said no one that really knew her could love her. I also used to feel this way and I have BPD so it's not just NPD. I had a great deal of self loathing and I definitely felt contemptuous toward some of my partners for loving me SO much when I felt unloveable. I felt that it meant there was something wrong with them, something twisted or pathetic because I was so awful, how could they love me? It made them almost worse than me... I guess in a way it makes sense because if someone seems to love you more and more the worse you treat them, they do need to get some help themselves!

Thank goodness I have worked hard and gotten over that, it made life quite awful.

Understand. I have felt like an idiot before. I loved a cluster B. He thought i was pitiful for feeling anything for him.

Not in my experience. It's more like they get taken for granted and the person w NPD deserves to have the person that loves them engage in acts of sacrifice.

I have had that experience as well.

From my own experience NPD partners look down at everyone as they are in a much higher place. More knowledge, more life experience, more adept at getting themselves out of troubling situations, more capable of acting like nothing is happening and operate from a much higher perspective because they control everything and everyone around them and can decide who stays, who goes on the priority list, who goes on the 'Plan A B or C list. Who deserves to sit at the right hand of the almighty on special occasions. Who deserves to be taught a bit of a lesson.

He doesn't have one. But if you meet him and talk to him for just a few min it's completely obvious he is an N... Talks about himself every second he gets, rarely asks questions, and has an aversion to talking about anything with any real depth... He is obsessed with his accomplishments and ideas, is also pretty much a bully who derives pleasure out of putting others down... He only does what HE wants to do and throws a fit if you try to stand up for yourself or your thoughts/wants too... He will threaten to leave if you point out his self-centered behavior and he lacks empathy for the most part...

For the record, I saw these traits emerging AFTER I fell in love with him... I suppose it was his air of confidence, his looks and his demeanor, and affectionate need for me of course, that drew me in... And prob because I have Daddy issues; he resembles my N father... It's kind of a sick and twisted thing but we balance each-other I think... Like my T taught me: I seem to adore the vampires and not only do they feed off me but I'm nourished by their need for me in order to survive...

Interesting concept. The idea of someone with a PD looking down at someone who is emotionally healthy and has self-esteem.

True enough. Check out "relational aggression" on Google.

This person does sound like a narcissist. He reminds me of one of my ex's.

I understand daddy issues heh, both of my fathers are narcissists... my biological father is dead now though, good riddance! Ha ha ha.