[leomama]

I've heard that two red flags of a narc are advanced degrees and super smart. What do you all think? If that is the case my mom definitely fits the bill. I got the super smart flea but not the advanced degree.

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[hazn]

This definitely isn't a super smart question Think about it.

There are plenty of narcissists out there who do not hold advanced degrees, or any degree for that matter.

[leomama]

One red flag of a narcissist. I'm not one. Both of my parents have narc traits. I have fleas. A t told me my dad has traits. I'm now looking at my mom. I could get into the story but I'm not sure that's a good idea as I don't want to be mocked.

[snarkydaddy]

It was my understand from reading, that whatever is valued in whatever discipline, they tend to under achieve in that area, while expecting to be praised how great they are at it.

Additionally expect to be accepted by that communities elite. The accumulation of advanced degrees would not fit into the profile.

However this what I have read & I am not a mental health professional.

here would be an example of children
https://open.library.ubc.ca/cIRcle/c...tems/1.0097751

[leomama]

Originally Posted by snarkydaddy

It was my understand from reading, that whatever is valued in whatever discipline, they tend to under achieve in that area, while expecting to be praised how great they are at it.

Additionally expect to be accepted by that communities elite. The accumulation of advanced degrees would not fit into the profile.

However this what I have read & I am not a mental health professional.

I think this meme sums up what I'm trying to instill in myself now . This is what (I believe to be) my narc mother said to me when she picked me up from a

Possible trigger:

suicide clinic

that a youth shelter that I had run away to when I was 15 had taken me to: "you are doing it for attention".

My mom told me I was "lazy" when I was depressed as a teen. I was dx with dysthymia or depression with agitation after my divorce and found out I had it had since 15, which coincidentally us when I was

Possible trigger:

suicidal

. Ironically enough the only other time I was

Possible trigger:

suicidal

was after my divorce but I knew to call the warm line at that point. My ex also has narc traits although they be a symptom of his mania.

My brother calls me crazy because I have PTSD and thinks I can't have it because I wasn't in combat and I should get over it. He compares himself to me and says if he can do it why can't I? He forgets all the support he had for his disability growing up while I had none. Mine wasn't even diagnosed until after college.

I've also been told I was rude by others online , before my PTSD was dx and treated. PTSD is a severe anxiety disorder .



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[hazn]

Originally Posted by leomama

One red flag of a narcissist. I'm not one. Both of my parents have narc traits. I have fleas. A t told me my dad has traits. I'm now looking at my mom. I could get into the story but I'm not sure that's a good idea as I don't want to be mocked.

Perhaps your parents are narcissists, perhaps they are not. Having a trait or two doesn't make one a narcissist (as in, someone who has NPD). I'm sure you have traits, too ...except you call them "fleas". There are plenty of people who aren't diagnosable with a PD, but aren't very pleasant. Your therapist agreed your parents had traits based on what YOU told them. He/she has never met your parents to know the reality of the situation. So what are these narcissistic traits, and where have they been defined? Who doesn't share at least one of these traits?

Also, there are plenty of websites that list "x traits of a narcissist"... these websites aren't academic in nature. If we're talking about NPD, then we have the DSM for that. If we're talking about people who are arseholes, then I don't think we need a guide for that, or another label.

I don't see how this is helpful to be honest. What is it you're seeking exactly?

[leomama]

Hi. My father indeed has narc traits to the point my last t gave me the DSM IV.
I could ask you what is the point in your responses as well. I've already stated I had a PD nos and that I was treated for it with 6 years of weekly therapy with the same t and multiple Dbt classes. I don't lean into my own understanding. That's spiritually wrong. I notice your posts towards me are harsh. What are you trying to accomplish?

[leomama]

Hi. My father indeed has narc traits to the point my last t gave me the DSM IV.
I could ask you what is the point in your responses as well. I've already stated I had a PD nos and that I was treated for it with 6 years of weekly therapy with the same t and multiple Dbt classes. I don't lean into my own understanding. That's spiritually wrong. I notice your posts towards me are harsh. What are you trying to accomplish?

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by leomama

I've heard that two red flags of a narc are advanced degrees and super smart. What do you all think? If that is the case my mom definitely fits the bill. I got the super smart flea but not the advanced degree.

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I think it's really down to the individual person. It can be an indicator for some narcissists, but not all. My father is a narcissist, and while he is extremely intelligent, he never attended college.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

I think it's really down to the individual person. It can be an indicator for some narcissists, but not all. My father is a narcissist, and while he is extremely intelligent, he never attended college.

Thank you. I'm trying to sort through the red flags of a narcissist on the NPD forum, I hope no one minds.
I never rely on my own understanding regarding mental illness that's why I only talk about my father as a narcissist as a therapist did say it. I even talk to my father about it. I even mentioned it to him two days ago. Recently I had to say that under oath so believe me I'm not making it up. I would never put something on the internet I wouldn't stand behind. I've had things I've sent in email read in legal proceedings, not about that, but I know whatever you put in writing can be used against you. I'm aware of the risks of talking publicly about these things.

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[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by leomama

Thank you. I'm trying to sort through the red flags of a narcissist on the NPD forum, I hope no one minds.
I never rely on my own understanding regarding mental illness that's why I only talk about my father as a narcissist as a therapist did say it. I even talk to my father about it. I even mentioned it to him two days ago. Recently I had to say that under oath so believe me I'm not making it up. I would never put something on the internet I wouldn't stand behind. I've had things I've sent in email read in legal proceedings. I'm aware of the risks of talking publicly about these things.

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My rule for posting on the internet is that if I don't want it quoted in the New York Times, then I don't post it publicly at all.

Personally I don't mind you posting about this topic here, as I think it's a good discussion to have.

I rely on my own research and personal experiences regarding this whole topic often, but that alone is not enough. It's why I take part in discussions around here, it's another way to learn. I have also asked many people offline for opinions about things, often times professionals.

[leomama]

Thank you, so we both are aware of the risks of posting, that is good! I'm glad you enjoy the discussion and I appreciate you participating .

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My ex is a diagnosed N. He only had a college degree. He wanted to go to law school but his grades weren't good enough. He excels in his career, however, and is intelligent in his own way.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by rainyday107

My ex is a diagnosed N. He only had a college degree. He wanted to go to law school but his grades weren't good enough. He excels in his career, however, and is intelligent in his own way.

My ex is a diagnosed bipolar with narc and sociopath traits. Now I believe the narc traits may be due to his bipolar. Feel free to keep participating in this thread. I always enjoy it when others tell their stories!

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[TishaBuv]

I've noticed you focus on diagnoses, rather than actions and feelings. I'm not saying this to criticize, just pointing out that you might heal better focusing less on the diagnosis and more on the event.

Also, people posting in the Narcissist section are mixed Narcissists and non-N's.

[leomama]

I notice that some people have not had narcissistic traits or NPD so I'm weary about posting. I read this is a safe place but I feel like I've reached the limit of my safety on this subject . I would happy to reply to rain day in pm if she is ok with that.

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[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by leomama

I notice that some people have not had narcissistic traits or NPD so I'm weary about posting. I read this is a safe place but I feel like I've reached the limit of my safety on this subject . I would happy to reply to rain day in pm if she is ok with that.

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NPD is such a touchy subject, I've noticed more hostility here than even the ASPD board which is saying a lot.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

NPD is such a touchy subject, I've noticed more hostility here than even the ASPD board which is saying a lot.

Wow! Yes I noticed hostility towards me and that makes me feel unsafe. I feel safe with you and rainy day because you're also dealing with the reality of either a dx in yourself or others.
I recently posted in the ASPD forum for the first time. I hope it goes well. I don't understand why people would be more hostile to narcissists then sociopaths/psychopaths. That makes no sense.

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[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by leomama

Wow! Yes I noticed hostility towards me and that makes me feel unsafe. I feel safe with you and rainy day because you're also dealing with the reality of either a dx in yourself or others.
I recently posted in the ASPD forum for the first time. I hope it goes well. I don't understand why people would be more hostile to narcissists then sociopaths/psychopaths. That makes no sense.

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I was just talking about the issue of Narcissists having more hostility hurled at them than Psychopaths/Sociopaths the other day. Part of why I think that is, is that scientific research is pointing towards psychopathy being something that a person is born with. In other words, they can't help it. People see Narcissists as people who can help it but choose not to so Narcissists get lashed out at in a very different way. I'm not saying I agree with this drivel, but it's often what people think whether consciously or not.

Another part of it is that people know enough about psychopathy to know that they are completely incapable of remorse and they know their actions are harmful, they just don't care and can't care no matter what anyone does or says. But with Narcissists, you see people who are involved with them trying to "make them see the light" because Narcissists have the full spectrum of emotions just like anyone else, whereas Psychopaths simply don't if current research about the subject is correct.

I've noticed in these communities that people can often be more optimistic after cutting a Psychopath out of their life, because once they realize that person is psychopathic they just say, "well that hurt but they'll never care, so I need to just move on" or something like that. With Narcissists though, it's a whole lot of, "what if I did X? Would that make him/her change and see how much he/she has harmed me?" and other such things.

Sighing.

[leomama]

I hear you, that's why I'm beginning to think the narc traits in both my ex and my daughter may be bipolar mania instead. My ex on the other hand does have sociopathic traits which are different. My father does have narc traits and I am trying to have a relationship with him. My mother on the other hand seems to have psychopathic traits and she is the one I can't talk to. I may start posting about that in the ASPD forum with the caveat that these are psychopathic traits and not sociopathic traits. I don't know where to address those. I agree with your assessment of narcs. My father and I are the same temperament . I have a lot of compassion for him. I know why he is the way he is. My father is the only one I feel safe talking about because ironically enough he doesn't care what others say about him. The rest do. There are certain things I really like about my father.

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[hazn]

Originally Posted by leomama

I notice your posts towards me are harsh. What are you trying to accomplish?

I'm sorry if I come across as harsh, that isn't my intention. I'm here to share my opinion, please don't take it personally. I am aware of how others may perceive what I post, and for the most part it's on purpose in that I try to take emotion out of it. Nothing is meant to be personal, and I'm not here to judge or mock anyone. I hope that's OK.

[leomama]

Do you believe this is true?

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[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by leomama

I hear you, that's why I'm beginning to think the narc traits in both my ex and my daughter may be bipolar mania instead. My ex on the other hand does have sociopathic traits which are different. My father does have narc traits and I am trying to have a relationship with him. My mother on the other hand seems to have psychopathic traits and she is the one I can't talk to. I may start posting about that in the ASPD forum with the caveat that these are psychopathic traits and not sociopathic traits. I don't know where to address those. I agree with your assessment of narcs. My father and I are the same temperament . I have a lot of compassion for him. I know why he is the way he is. My father is the only one I feel safe talking about because ironically enough he doesn't care what others say about him. The rest do. There are certain things I really like about my father.

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Ironically I'm also quite compassionate towards my father, albeit it's still a bit selfish on my part, I talk to him because I don't have to worry about offending him with my narcissistic tendencies that I still have. But still, he's a good conversationalist and I enjoy our talks.

My ex is likely a psychopath or at least had very strong psychopathic traits.

Originally Posted by leomama

Do you believe this is true?

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Absolutely not.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

Ironically I'm also quite compassionate towards my father, albeit it's still a bit selfish on my part, I talk to him because I don't have to worry about offending him with my narcissistic tendencies that I still have. But still, he's a good conversationalist and I enjoy our talks.

My ex is likely a psychopath or at least had very strong psychopathic traits.


Absolutely not.

That's interesting, I wonder if that's why I talk to my father. It doesn't feel safe to wonder out loud on this forum though. If I find more advice about how to deal with a narcissist I'll bring it to the forum for examination.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by leomama

That's interesting, I wonder if that's why I talk to my father. It doesn't feel safe to wonder out loud on this forum though. If I find more advice about how to deal with a narcissist I'll bring it to the forum for examination.

Considering this forum's history I can see why you don't feel safe with the idea about wondering out loud around here.