[griffy2]

Hi babyfairyfifi,
Lack of Empathy, is a protection tactic of the inner child. If I don't care, then my inner child will not be hurt. That is one area in my life that I was never aware of until recently. I could say "Blustery" statements to my wife and kids and all I have been doing is instilling fear of me in them and driving them away. I have been recently diagnosed as having NPD. At first "who me?" However, I needed to look at the history of my behavior. Not so nice. Picture if you will the scene in the Wizard of Oz. He was "Blustery" and expounded fear to all who approached him. It took a dog to pull back the curtain, exposing a really scared man that was creating this big bad persona! I have found in my journey that if I can put a handle on the cup, I can over come that obstacle and learn from past and current errors in my life.
Empathy is love, caring, and understanding of the other persons feelings.
Lack of Empathy is like dealing with a Great White Shark. I very much want to change that persona of me.
Griffy2

Originally Posted by babyfairyfifi

Does anyone else know a Narcissist who clearly lacks all empathy but hotly disputes this , and claims to have masses of empathy?

My mother has NPD and has alienated everyone around her. At one point, last summer, she had successfully cut out everyone except her dog and her hired help .

She has damaged my father ( who has never had a relationship with another woman since divorcing 35 years ago) she has just buried her second husband ( who committed suicide after a very dramatic row with her) she stopped talking to her own mother 10 years before she died and told me to stop being silly when I was upset when she died, citing her reasons : Dead is Dead. She disowned her sister and two brothers, myself and her grandchildren. Only my 30 year old half sister remains as her sole source of Narcissistic supply ( in exchange for financial support).
I have had to consciously protect myself from wanting a relationship with my mother as I know it only leads to pain and drama. Unfortunately that means sacrificing my relationship with my sister too.

I'm sad to think she will die a very lonely and sad lady.

[griffy2]

6:42 AM 8/8/2011
Since my last post I have come to find out this area is not very active. Since my Therapist recommended I look up narcissist I have found out there are a lot of us people out there with the same disorder! That of course is no excuse to continue on with the past behavior. Just knowing what the symptoms are I can and will make adjustments and be for ever vigilant not to repeat the same behavior in present time and in the future when stressful situations arise. I surely hope I will be getting or receiving some feedback about these comments.
Griffy2

[notsocrazy1961]

Originally Posted by HelloImStevie

OMG, this sounds like my sister. She IS reasonably successful-she is a high school English teacher-but she is manipulative, talks down to people, preys on weaknesses, etc. She is also on her 3rd marriage (at 37)

It is exhausting to deal with her. Truly freaking exhausting.

I cannot think of a better way to explain than truly freaking exhausting. My ex-husband was sheer hell, and now I am dealing with my daughter who is a classic npd. And it is turning me into a classic nut! She excells in making all around her miserable. She constantly manipulates anyone at anytime, not caring about the people who try and help her. She never holds a job for any period of time, is a chronic blame game player. Lies and only regrets doing so when she is caught. I have kicked her out(she is 26)and although I felt like the worst parent living, it truly liberated me and now I have no compassion nor feel any guilt when her abusive behaivor rears its ugly head and I know now that in order to maintain my sanity I need to meet it head on and be practical and not emotional, for that is what she thrives on, the drama she wreaks. I have grown tired of her empty 'I Love You' words, for this is not what love is. She only says it so I say it back and then she is ready for the kill again. I no longer care about her life and the events surrounding it. I do care about my grandson, however, and that is where she thinks she has me.

[griffy2]

12:45 PM 8/18/2011
I was sitting at the computer, stressing out about how my life is going. I then decided it was time to do something exhausting, like rototill the crummy lawn!! Well, I got out the rototiller and started and the machine kept stopping. I took it apart and by passed the kick off switch and WA LA! the machine kept on tilling! I was thinking and getting a great workout and did get exhausted! When I was done I was a pool of sweat and sat down on the back deck to relax and fell asleep!! Now before that I was "Mulling the dump" of my mind and just couldn't find a remedy for how I was feeling at the time. After the exhausting workout and nap afterwords I no longer was mulling the dump! It has been suggested that I have NPD, however not officially. So when I feel like coping an attitude I remember to put myself in a centered posture and what ever is thrown at me I will not lash out in anger, however I will respond non aggressively.
So I looks like I am going to be doing alot of rototilling!! Griffy2

[BarbiB]

I have just recently been researching narcissism and relating it to my son's behavior thru the years. He has recently alienated his siblings again - I'm wondering how to help him see the reality of his behavior...he turns a situation around so it is never his fault, always the other's. I would like input on how to talk to my son about narcissism - how can we help him?

[Alley80]

So how do you get a Narissist to get help when they think they are better than everyone else, and that everyone else is wrong?

[squeeze321]

I believe that my foster mother was a malignant narcissist.

She was very controlling, preferring to manipulate and use vulnerable people to her advantage, she would make other people feel weak and inadequate, and herself far superior because she had an over grown ego to fill. She lacked the ability to empathise and liked to scream and shout commands at others.

She was a viscious tyrant and as a child I saw her slam a car door into her friends head, I believe an injury like that could potentially kill. I also at the age of 11 had to dodge glasses of water which she threw at me just for saying I felt sick. She would scream at me on many occassions when I was aged between 11 and 14, that if I failed my school exams, I would have to resort to prostitution to survive and these shouting matches would go on until she frothed at the mouth. She believed she was above the law and hated the police because the police had the authority to tell her what to.

Consequences happen to others not herself.

She liked to be the centre of attention, she liked an audience and when her friend's family came to visit she would start meddling in their lives too. When I was in my early 20s I told her in a letter that I wanted no more contact with her and I am glad to say I have not seen her since. I truelly believed the woman was mad, as mad as a rabied dog so I did not tell her the real reason for me cutting her out of my life was to protect any children I may have in the future.

Sometimes I get flashbacks of my childhood, and I have some visualisations I use which render her harmless in my mind. I will not post details because these visualisations would probably get me sectioned and I would not like to upset anyone, but they work for me and keep me sane!

[everything]

I've just realized that I am a narcissist. I fit some of the horror stories on here and I destroy my relationships trying to get them to attach to me. And I idolize celebrities and dream all the time about being "big."

But I have almost no skills and basically dropped out of college. I'm struggling to finish my degree and while I study I still constantly fantasize about writing books and being famous or just about impressing people.

Is there any way to treat NPD? What can I tell my therapist to find the best treatment?

[AzureRain]

Originally Posted by Mouse_

I'm hesitant to get involved when I read posts wanting to label someone with narcissistic disorder. Especially reading such comments as having to deal with it since they were a child, makes me think, can a child be born narcissistic? I mean apart from the normal state of narcissism we are born into? I wonder at times if perhaps the pattern is continuing into the child's adulthood? The family only seeing the child as "using" the rest of the family when infarct a child will of course need to "use" family as thats what children do until they mature and learn that others are people too, but to expect that from a child, well is pretty near-sighted and narcissistic in itself? Perhaps if there was real genuine family concern, one perhaps would want to look at ways to help the family member rather than just label them? Or are they at a stage where they themselves don't know what to do, are unable to think through any more? Or where they always at a stage where they were tired of the family members wants and needs and didn't want to even begin to think through issues with the family member as they arose? I get the impression a lot of people want to be thrown the narcissistic label like a life belt and then they can claim "victim status" and fill secure in their own minds they were the ones being done too and not the ones that did too also? Perhaps we all in this together and more compassion and understanding may change the pattern that I see repeated often. Of course this are only my own personal feelings on the matter, some who have a genuine interest in wanting to understand another may agree, or others that have no real altruistic desire will just dismiss all of what I say, because it suits them for it to be like that.

I agree. I would say that as young children what people see are the effects of insecure attachments, at varying extremes, and those issues, if not resolved, can sprout such a broken psychy that as adults they have progressive issues. Narcissism runs in families. Its both genetic and environmental. If someone has sufficiant insecure attachments that are not resolved, they can develop depression, anxiety and physical ailments. Up the disfunction in the child's world and things become more extreme. Usually, abuse by a narcissist has the POTENTIAL to create some of the most troubled souls: boarderling, narcissism, histrionic/antisocial and schizophrenic personalities or traits. Dissociative identity disorder is also common if the person was neglected or abused before the age of two. To say, "they are selfish and manipulative" and concider it narcissist personality disorder is ludicrous and harmful. Reactive attachments are the effects of abuse. Why blame a child for being victimized? Why play the victim yourself? All bullies are victims too. Be proactive instead of reactive. Quite blaming and scapegoating because that's what the narcissistic family unite does by reflex and habit. Be aware of your own too....

My whole family are varying shades of the narcissist spectrum. Both my parents were as well. I have, under extreme stress, boarderline and narcissist tendencies. I am co-dependant, married to a bully, have a narcissistic son, a antisocial (histrionic) daughter, a son who pulls out his hair and I'd passive-agressive, an uncle with schizophrenia and two cousins with bipolar. Dysfunction comes out in a mired of ways ...

[AzureRain]

Originally Posted by CJR520

As time goes by, I am getting used to my daughter not being around, and not seeing our grandson, who will be nine soon. Her first child was a calm little boy who would call us and cry and cry, and want to talk to Papaw when his Mom got crazy and controlling. Her second, the eight year old, has been crazy since birth, crying and running and out of control. The stepsons she has have been nothing but trouble because she was really angry and horrible with them. One of them has been in prison twice. The first child is now living and has a child with a woman older than him who had two children already. We have tried to help him out at the start, but to no use. They live in a horrible and dirty, dirty place, and just don't care. The kids jump on the furniture and it is all broken down to the place where you can't even sit on it without springs poking you. The kids tore down the curtains and they just hang lopsided. The last time we were there, there were two lab pups running around peeing and pooping on the floor, and the baby was walking through it, dropping food on the floor, and picking it up eating it. The place is too small and they just don't care. The young woman stays home with the kids, who all three have different fathers, and does nothing . I told hubby that I can not take looking at it any more, and just can't go visit. This is a result of a mother who is narcissistic and controlling. My son in law is so scared of my daughter, that he just is passive and has let her abuse his sons, and hers. I just stay away.

No children's protective service in your state? I called CSD on my daughter after my entire dysfunctional family and I tried to help her gets her crap straight. Now I'm trying to persuade her to let him be adopted by the family friends my grandson is placed with and ensure stability for him. My son (a narcissist in therapy) called CSD too after witnessing some horrific abuse. I love my daughter but I'll be damned if I let her do to her son what her biological F did to her! You need to turn those idiots in, not abandon their children to endure such appalling neglect!

[AzureRain]

Originally Posted by HariKacanovski

I have been reading several articles about narcisissm and self-esteem and I am a little bit confused.
I believe that I am intelligent person, I have good physical appereance and I believe that I am capable of successing in every area I want to. I am aware that there are some flaws in my character and I am trying to repair them. I believe in things that are logical, rational and well documented,and I am always critical and realistic about everything that is not supported by logic and rationality. If I am wrong and if someone prove me that I am mistaken I will accept that. I respect all the people, and I believe that everyone has the ability to be successiful in his life if he has the passion, self belief and if he work hard to make his dream come true.I respect everybody, but I don't believe that everybodys opinion is true.It depends of the facts that the person is presenting. I have my morals, and I believe that my role is to become better in the arts I love and help the world become better place. I like to be admired and respected and I admire and respect the people that are good persons(want to help, are fair, respect others) and I don't respect the people that are agressive, selfish etc...I don't respect people because of their looking or other unimportant factors to me. I want to help people who need help and I don't hate people that hate me because of some reasons
I think that sometimes, people that have low self esteem say that the people that are successful, good looking etc, are narcisstic. But it is not always the case. I think that I have unlimited possibilites as every human being has them, and every human being that can overcome his limitations: (fear. negative beliefs, wrong morality, irational emotions, bad concepts) can develop his talents.
Im I narcisstic?
ps: sorry about my english

Why do you ask? If your emotional needs ALWAYS come before everyone else, suppressing empathy, compassion and your values of kindness and fairness then, maybe ... or ... or maybe your just not happy or under extreme stress with limited coping skills but ... you sound fine to me. If however you have no emotions but anger, see a therapist.

[AzureRain]

Originally Posted by griffy2

Hi All,
narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) was first presented to me yesterday at my physiologist office visit. At first she mentioned it to where I bearly heard the word and then I asked what it meant. She gave me a brief description, enough to where I Googled that strange word!! I began reading about myself. I am 68 years old and never have really gotten along with too many people. I have been told I have PSTD and I am thin skinned and can't take any ribbing or ridicule to any degree without becoming "Blustery" as my physiologist mentioned to me yesterday. I have been reading on the website before entering this forum about the symptoms. Out of 9 possibilities I have 4 that rings bells and those are my goals to improve on. And they are:

5. Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
7. Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
8. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
9. Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.

I really felt like a sheep being lead to the slaughter house when my wife and I went to the physiologist office. However when she mentioned I had narcissistic personality disorder, that immediately got my attention. That is why I am here now seeking answers, so when I have encounters with my immediate family there will be no more "Blustery" outbursts!!
Thanks for listening and comments are most welcome!
Griffy2

Wow! Umm, that's rather an adaptive attitude. Did she say "personality disorder" specifically?

I am the lucky recipient of "npd" I see so many people here who want to learn or talk about the people in their lives that have "n" traits. Run away, cut ties whatever the suggestions are its so much more on our end. I speak of this as being self aware as most like myself for almost 36 years always felt I was pretty normal prior to learning of this(not ever imagining I had a disorder). I have been feeling absolutely nuts at times since learning and other days back to feeling normal again until something happens. My first therapist which was a complete waste of time tried to tell me that breathing was a good way to diffuse or better yet when my mind races, picture my thoughts going in to a box and stored on a shelf..... Like I said a complete waste of time. I am married with 4 kids, I look back and see all of the things I have done that really affected my wife mentally. I am not good with my ways anymore as I do know what this does to my family. What I can say is that people who suffer from this probably don't even think something is wrong as it becomes so much a part of you with each day that goes on. I think that when most come to see that this is not normal it does change a mind set somewhat. I know if I could go back and be brought up in a stable home with a stable family I would accept that to maybe luck out and not have the issues I do. I am very good at being an "n" pretty perfect in fact. Am I proud of this, not at all!! Anyway just wanted to say something here in this forum as it somewhat bothers me to see others trying to figure out ways to fix or get back at or whatever the nons try to do to make themselves feel better. These things happen because something happened to us. We don't flip a switch and say today were gonna be this and then shut it off. To be honest it does have some benefits but overall I wouldn't wish this on anybody.

[Depressive]

Originally Posted by GrayNess

Manipulating and controlling is not with all narcissists. Usually, they'll have a very high self-esteem, present themselves as being better than you, and not recognizing others' emotions.

But, there are different types and so, if you know someone, could you describe them and that way it could be easier.

What you described before is more of antisocial personality disorder (APD) but could also be with certain types of narcissists.

Generally, if their game is manipulation, the best way to avoid is to either have experienced it many times or to know how to manipulate others. If you don't have experience with either, then generally it will be a too-good-to-be-true event, although this isn't always manipulation, itcould be a genuinely nice person. If their game is manipulation, do not try and play it back. They're far better than you'd be and unless they're really bad, it will get messy.

I have read a lot of uninformed vitriol on NPD on blogs and the like. Seems there is quite some stigma attached to this condition. Below is an academically-oriented outline of the features of NPD in its various forms. Although it is no excuse for destructive and self-destructive behaviours of the NPD, I can't help but feel something for people who seem so conflicted, tortured, unhappy people. Their behaviours are often reprehensible, but what a life! Unlike antisocial PD, NPDs can't really understand what they're doing because they labour under their delusions. Sounds tough for everyone involved, including the narcissist. It's also sad that these people are psychically damaged at such a young age. Which is not to excuse the behaviour.

[Depressive]

Sam Vankin is a n himself, or so he says. He is quite obviously looking for publicity - first clue. Perhaps his writing serves his own delusions of grandeur, which would account for the rather OTT descriptions? Rather critically investigate the source of the information. A much better, less slanted and more clinically objective, less demonising place to start understanding NPD is the research of James F. Masterson, as opposed to the furious, stigmatising rants of Vankin. .

[ihatedepechemode]

Sam Vankin is one I learned to avoid quick. He's everywhere. Also the non sites or blogs. I got bored of them quick. Actually I did read them when I realized that my ex was one, but not anymore. They can only entertain for so long....

[Brooke87]

My boyfriend fits this to a t.. My question is how to combat it. He constàntly critics me and tries to tell me I'm a bad person.. He has to be in control.. He has a good heart and I love him .. He justifies his actions by saying I make him.he is soooo good at turning the tables making me the bad guy. Ive tried to be submissive but that doesn't work.. I need help to put him in his place, at the same time leaving him no room to use me as a scapegoat .

Originally Posted by Brooke87

My boyfriend fits this to a t.. My question is how to combat it. He constàntly critics me and tries to tell me I'm a bad person.. He has to be in control.. He has a good heart and I love him .. He justifies his actions by saying I make him.he is soooo good at turning the tables making me the bad guy. Ive tried to be submissive but that doesn't work.. I need help to put him in his place, at the same time leaving him no room to use me as a scapegoat .

If he is one of us there is nothing you can do. He will take you for a ride that will take total control over you. You will start to believe that you are the problem and he will dominate the relationship and all your thoughts will be planned by him. So stay and lose yourself or go and figure yourself out!!

[leomama]

Hi everybody, I have some narcissistic traits as part of a nonspecific personality disorder and I am in therapy. The reason I have these traits is because of my high intelligence. I also believe that my parents have narcissistic traits and I am committed to preventing them from developing in my 13 year old.

Hi all im not new just re introducing myself

[KeepingPace]

These folks sound more like sociopaths than narcissist... maybe I am wrong...

[Open Mind]

The terminology of psychology/psychiatry has changed over the decades. The term psychopath was replaced by sociopath. Sociopath was then replaced by cluster B personality disorders. ASPD, NPD, BPD, & HPD.

[Jodimbee]

Originally Posted by Brooke87

My boyfriend fits this to a t.. My question is how to combat it. He constàntly critics me and tries to tell me I'm a bad person.. He has to be in control.. He has a good heart and I love him .. He justifies his actions by saying I make him.he is soooo good at turning the tables making me the bad guy. Ive tried to be submissive but that doesn't work.. I need help to put him in his place, at the same time leaving him no room to use me as a scapegoat .

My N husband was an alcoholic. I had no idea about N at the time. the steps suggested by Alcoholics Anonymous to move past enabling behaviors helped me regain some perspective and stop reacting to my husbands behaviors. "your an idiot, unattractive, disloyal, undeserving of an amazing man like me who could have any woman I want" stops being enjoyable for them when met with a calm "that must be difficult for you" "is that what you believe" etc

[Swedishtoe]

Originally Posted by Mouse_

I'm hesitant to get involved when I read posts wanting to label someone with narcissistic disorder. Especially reading such comments as having to deal with it since they were a child, makes me think, can a child be born narcissistic? I mean apart from the normal state of narcissism we are born into? I wonder at times if perhaps the pattern is continuing into the child's adulthood? The family only seeing the child as "using" the rest of the family when infarct a child will of course need to "use" family as thats what children do until they mature and learn that others are people too, but to expect that from a child, well is pretty near-sighted and narcissistic in itself? Perhaps if there was real genuine family concern, one perhaps would want to look at ways to help the family member rather than just label them? Or are they at a stage where they themselves don't know what to do, are unable to think through any more? Or where they always at a stage where they were tired of the family members wants and needs and didn't want to even begin to think through issues with the family member as they arose? I get the impression a lot of people want to be thrown the narcissistic label like a life belt and then they can claim "victim status" and fill secure in their own minds they were the ones being done too and not the ones that did too also? Perhaps we all in this together and more compassion and understanding may change the pattern that I see repeated often. Of course this are only my own personal feelings on the matter, some who have a genuine interest in wanting to understand another may agree, or others that have no real altruistic desire will just dismiss all of what I say, because it suits them for it to be like that.

I'm new on here and wondering what makes someone with a true narcissist personality lose her temper ?

[vonmoxie]

Originally Posted by Swedishtoe

I'm new on here and wondering what makes someone with a true narcissist personality lose her temper ?

As true a personality type as a person might have, they still have their own variables as far as individual personality, traits, and temper are concerned. It's been my experience that a person with NPD can actually have a very precise way of dealing with other people that doesn't involve losing their temper at all, though I'm not suggesting that's true for every person fitting the NPD diagnostic construct (or its subtypes).

Inasmuch as they prefer the feeling of being in control (as anyone does, but they are perhaps more tethered to their desire to feel and be in control), feeling not in control can cause them fairly intense emotional stress, whether or not that stress expresses itself specifically as anger.

Best way to find out what causes a person to lose their own temper might be to ask them. Just my take.