[AzureRain]

Originally Posted by HariKacanovski

I have been reading several articles about narcisissm and self-esteem and I am a little bit confused.
I believe that I am intelligent person, I have good physical appereance and I believe that I am capable of successing in every area I want to. I am aware that there are some flaws in my character and I am trying to repair them. I believe in things that are logical, rational and well documented,and I am always critical and realistic about everything that is not supported by logic and rationality. If I am wrong and if someone prove me that I am mistaken I will accept that. I respect all the people, and I believe that everyone has the ability to be successiful in his life if he has the passion, self belief and if he work hard to make his dream come true.I respect everybody, but I don't believe that everybodys opinion is true.It depends of the facts that the person is presenting. I have my morals, and I believe that my role is to become better in the arts I love and help the world become better place. I like to be admired and respected and I admire and respect the people that are good persons(want to help, are fair, respect others) and I don't respect the people that are agressive, selfish etc...I don't respect people because of their looking or other unimportant factors to me. I want to help people who need help and I don't hate people that hate me because of some reasons
I think that sometimes, people that have low self esteem say that the people that are successful, good looking etc, are narcisstic. But it is not always the case. I think that I have unlimited possibilites as every human being has them, and every human being that can overcome his limitations: (fear. negative beliefs, wrong morality, irational emotions, bad concepts) can develop his talents.
Im I narcisstic?
ps: sorry about my english

Why do you ask? If your emotional needs ALWAYS come before everyone else, suppressing empathy, compassion and your values of kindness and fairness then, maybe ... or ... or maybe your just not happy or under extreme stress with limited coping skills but ... you sound fine to me. If however you have no emotions but anger, see a therapist.

[AzureRain]

Originally Posted by griffy2

Hi All,
narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) was first presented to me yesterday at my physiologist office visit. At first she mentioned it to where I bearly heard the word and then I asked what it meant. She gave me a brief description, enough to where I Googled that strange word!! I began reading about myself. I am 68 years old and never have really gotten along with too many people. I have been told I have PSTD and I am thin skinned and can't take any ribbing or ridicule to any degree without becoming "Blustery" as my physiologist mentioned to me yesterday. I have been reading on the website before entering this forum about the symptoms. Out of 9 possibilities I have 4 that rings bells and those are my goals to improve on. And they are:

5. Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
7. Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
8. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
9. Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.

I really felt like a sheep being lead to the slaughter house when my wife and I went to the physiologist office. However when she mentioned I had narcissistic personality disorder, that immediately got my attention. That is why I am here now seeking answers, so when I have encounters with my immediate family there will be no more "Blustery" outbursts!!
Thanks for listening and comments are most welcome!
Griffy2

Wow! Umm, that's rather an adaptive attitude. Did she say "personality disorder" specifically?

I am the lucky recipient of "npd" I see so many people here who want to learn or talk about the people in their lives that have "n" traits. Run away, cut ties whatever the suggestions are its so much more on our end. I speak of this as being self aware as most like myself for almost 36 years always felt I was pretty normal prior to learning of this(not ever imagining I had a disorder). I have been feeling absolutely nuts at times since learning and other days back to feeling normal again until something happens. My first therapist which was a complete waste of time tried to tell me that breathing was a good way to diffuse or better yet when my mind races, picture my thoughts going in to a box and stored on a shelf..... Like I said a complete waste of time. I am married with 4 kids, I look back and see all of the things I have done that really affected my wife mentally. I am not good with my ways anymore as I do know what this does to my family. What I can say is that people who suffer from this probably don't even think something is wrong as it becomes so much a part of you with each day that goes on. I think that when most come to see that this is not normal it does change a mind set somewhat. I know if I could go back and be brought up in a stable home with a stable family I would accept that to maybe luck out and not have the issues I do. I am very good at being an "n" pretty perfect in fact. Am I proud of this, not at all!! Anyway just wanted to say something here in this forum as it somewhat bothers me to see others trying to figure out ways to fix or get back at or whatever the nons try to do to make themselves feel better. These things happen because something happened to us. We don't flip a switch and say today were gonna be this and then shut it off. To be honest it does have some benefits but overall I wouldn't wish this on anybody.

[Depressive]

Originally Posted by GrayNess

Manipulating and controlling is not with all narcissists. Usually, they'll have a very high self-esteem, present themselves as being better than you, and not recognizing others' emotions.

But, there are different types and so, if you know someone, could you describe them and that way it could be easier.

What you described before is more of antisocial personality disorder (APD) but could also be with certain types of narcissists.

Generally, if their game is manipulation, the best way to avoid is to either have experienced it many times or to know how to manipulate others. If you don't have experience with either, then generally it will be a too-good-to-be-true event, although this isn't always manipulation, itcould be a genuinely nice person. If their game is manipulation, do not try and play it back. They're far better than you'd be and unless they're really bad, it will get messy.

I have read a lot of uninformed vitriol on NPD on blogs and the like. Seems there is quite some stigma attached to this condition. Below is an academically-oriented outline of the features of NPD in its various forms. Although it is no excuse for destructive and self-destructive behaviours of the NPD, I can't help but feel something for people who seem so conflicted, tortured, unhappy people. Their behaviours are often reprehensible, but what a life! Unlike antisocial PD, NPDs can't really understand what they're doing because they labour under their delusions. Sounds tough for everyone involved, including the narcissist. It's also sad that these people are psychically damaged at such a young age. Which is not to excuse the behaviour.

[Depressive]

Sam Vankin is a n himself, or so he says. He is quite obviously looking for publicity - first clue. Perhaps his writing serves his own delusions of grandeur, which would account for the rather OTT descriptions? Rather critically investigate the source of the information. A much better, less slanted and more clinically objective, less demonising place to start understanding NPD is the research of James F. Masterson, as opposed to the furious, stigmatising rants of Vankin. .

[ihatedepechemode]

Sam Vankin is one I learned to avoid quick. He's everywhere. Also the non sites or blogs. I got bored of them quick. Actually I did read them when I realized that my ex was one, but not anymore. They can only entertain for so long....

[Brooke87]

My boyfriend fits this to a t.. My question is how to combat it. He constàntly critics me and tries to tell me I'm a bad person.. He has to be in control.. He has a good heart and I love him .. He justifies his actions by saying I make him.he is soooo good at turning the tables making me the bad guy. Ive tried to be submissive but that doesn't work.. I need help to put him in his place, at the same time leaving him no room to use me as a scapegoat .

Originally Posted by Brooke87

My boyfriend fits this to a t.. My question is how to combat it. He constàntly critics me and tries to tell me I'm a bad person.. He has to be in control.. He has a good heart and I love him .. He justifies his actions by saying I make him.he is soooo good at turning the tables making me the bad guy. Ive tried to be submissive but that doesn't work.. I need help to put him in his place, at the same time leaving him no room to use me as a scapegoat .

If he is one of us there is nothing you can do. He will take you for a ride that will take total control over you. You will start to believe that you are the problem and he will dominate the relationship and all your thoughts will be planned by him. So stay and lose yourself or go and figure yourself out!!

[leomama]

Hi everybody, I have some narcissistic traits as part of a nonspecific personality disorder and I am in therapy. The reason I have these traits is because of my high intelligence. I also believe that my parents have narcissistic traits and I am committed to preventing them from developing in my 13 year old.

Hi all im not new just re introducing myself

[KeepingPace]

These folks sound more like sociopaths than narcissist... maybe I am wrong...

[Open Mind]

The terminology of psychology/psychiatry has changed over the decades. The term psychopath was replaced by sociopath. Sociopath was then replaced by cluster B personality disorders. ASPD, NPD, BPD, & HPD.

[Jodimbee]

Originally Posted by Brooke87

My boyfriend fits this to a t.. My question is how to combat it. He constàntly critics me and tries to tell me I'm a bad person.. He has to be in control.. He has a good heart and I love him .. He justifies his actions by saying I make him.he is soooo good at turning the tables making me the bad guy. Ive tried to be submissive but that doesn't work.. I need help to put him in his place, at the same time leaving him no room to use me as a scapegoat .

My N husband was an alcoholic. I had no idea about N at the time. the steps suggested by Alcoholics Anonymous to move past enabling behaviors helped me regain some perspective and stop reacting to my husbands behaviors. "your an idiot, unattractive, disloyal, undeserving of an amazing man like me who could have any woman I want" stops being enjoyable for them when met with a calm "that must be difficult for you" "is that what you believe" etc

[Swedishtoe]

Originally Posted by Mouse_

I'm hesitant to get involved when I read posts wanting to label someone with narcissistic disorder. Especially reading such comments as having to deal with it since they were a child, makes me think, can a child be born narcissistic? I mean apart from the normal state of narcissism we are born into? I wonder at times if perhaps the pattern is continuing into the child's adulthood? The family only seeing the child as "using" the rest of the family when infarct a child will of course need to "use" family as thats what children do until they mature and learn that others are people too, but to expect that from a child, well is pretty near-sighted and narcissistic in itself? Perhaps if there was real genuine family concern, one perhaps would want to look at ways to help the family member rather than just label them? Or are they at a stage where they themselves don't know what to do, are unable to think through any more? Or where they always at a stage where they were tired of the family members wants and needs and didn't want to even begin to think through issues with the family member as they arose? I get the impression a lot of people want to be thrown the narcissistic label like a life belt and then they can claim "victim status" and fill secure in their own minds they were the ones being done too and not the ones that did too also? Perhaps we all in this together and more compassion and understanding may change the pattern that I see repeated often. Of course this are only my own personal feelings on the matter, some who have a genuine interest in wanting to understand another may agree, or others that have no real altruistic desire will just dismiss all of what I say, because it suits them for it to be like that.

I'm new on here and wondering what makes someone with a true narcissist personality lose her temper ?

[vonmoxie]

Originally Posted by Swedishtoe

I'm new on here and wondering what makes someone with a true narcissist personality lose her temper ?

As true a personality type as a person might have, they still have their own variables as far as individual personality, traits, and temper are concerned. It's been my experience that a person with NPD can actually have a very precise way of dealing with other people that doesn't involve losing their temper at all, though I'm not suggesting that's true for every person fitting the NPD diagnostic construct (or its subtypes).

Inasmuch as they prefer the feeling of being in control (as anyone does, but they are perhaps more tethered to their desire to feel and be in control), feeling not in control can cause them fairly intense emotional stress, whether or not that stress expresses itself specifically as anger.

Best way to find out what causes a person to lose their own temper might be to ask them. Just my take.

Control is the root of all evil(not quoting, just summarizing).. Way to hit it on the head Vonmoxie, I appreciate what you wrote here!!

[Nada w]

Originally Posted by Swedishtoe

I'm new on here and wondering what makes someone with a true narcissist personality lose her temper ?

I was with a N for close to three years. First they start of so loving and attentive. They make you feel like you are their everything. Then they turn on a dime. I will say they are very good liars. What they say about you is what they tend to feel about themselves. I was told I was "needy" yet he is 31 and cant live without someone supporting him. Mine was abusive as well. I would catch him on chats with other girls and it would turn into a huge argument, one of which I ended up physically hurt.
He would tell me I don't turn him on and that he is not into sex and deny me months at a time. Yet I would catch him on meetme.com which is basically a hook up site. I would avoid an N if you can. It will only hurt you in the end. I did hours and hours of research on them and tried to convince myself that I could change him, he was different than the others.
The reason some of us believe this is because they can throw on the tears when necessary. They will act like they are good people but step back and observe. Mine would say how much he loved his parents and yet he would bleed them for every dime they had. He went to jail for being violent with his mother. When we are the person in the circle we don't see it from the third party perspective. The most intelligent of us can make some really stupid choices. When we love someone we have rose colored glasses. From day one my friends didn't like him. In fact most people didn't. I would say "he is so selfless" and they would say "really? that's not my perspective." I would say if you have not grown feelings of love for this person and you believe them to be an N. Run!

[Hearthewn_Paladin]

Greetings.

I've received a multiple diagnoses of personality disorders from various psychiatrists recently. They've varied somewhat, but the one I've received most often is NPD, though the most recent was simply 'mixed personality disorder'. Nevertheless, I did meet enough criteria for NPD in the recent diagnosis, too.

What do I think of the NPD diagnosis? Well, honestly, it doesn't really bother me at all. Actually, I rather like the idea of being a narcissist because it feels like the label validates me when I look down on the world for not going my way; I like that I'm deviant. However, apparently I'm more of a vulnerable narcissist, as I spend a lot of envying others and lamenting what I don't have. I'm in therapy because I also have depression and A LOT of anger, and that's getting in the way of my goals.

What do I want? Power, above all—wealth, influence, physical strength, and other kinds of worldly success...all of it, and the satisfaction of using my power to shape the world as I desire to be. Admiration, too, and that of millions. I wasn't celebrated enough to my satisfaction when I was growing up. It seemed like everyone else got their time on stage receiving the praise of an applauding audience, whereas insufficient talent in the eyes of others or simply fate prevented me from receiving the same as other children. At any rate, power and admiration are more important to me than morality and love (from what I know of the last; I don't experience a lot of it), though I generally follow rules and laws because I want to avoid the shame of being convicted of wrongdoing or crime (besides having a criminal conviction obstruct my goals). Sometimes, though, there are outbursts, and when that happens, I'll happily steamroll anyone who gets in my way.

I'm currently in a DBT programme, though my psychologist is also familiar with schema therapy, and may be using some elements of that as well. So far, it's been helping me cope with the extreme emotions when they come and preventing me from getting into trouble. As far as I'm concerned, what I want to get out of therapy is suffering less. I would never give up or tone down my ambitions for success, and my psychologist has emphasised that he doesn't want me to do so, because if he did, I'd make committing suicide a high priority.

Anyhow, that's me. I'm curious to meet other people who maybe experience some of the same stuff.

[Anne19]

I've been with someone I suspect has strong narcissistic traits a year...known him several years before as on off friends, lovers etc. We got engaged fall last year, broke up and he moved out of my place march as I had rage side effects from anxiety medication i was on, he moved out..he originally asked me to take the meds so I'd stop worrying about him when he works late...because I'd call a lot...after we broke up, we see each other again over march and say we are going to repair our relationship....I see msgs in his tablet to other girls....all on days he claimed he couldn't talk to me on the phone cause I argue too much. But he found time to flirt. By May, he's needs money for an emergency, I can't give it to him. So he sleeps with his ex to convince her to give him money (he was with her as fwb for years for money...he says he never gave her a ring because he's not attracted...his brother confirmed this). He tells me after. I forgive him because we are technically broken up still....but I blow up at him in person about the tablet messages to girls and scratch his arms. He ignores me after.
We make up in June and have sex.
The same day we make up and agree to work on us, he sleeps with another girl because again he has another emergency and wants to sweet talk her to give him money that I don't have.
He tells me we aren't technically engaged at the moment (this was june) and because I worked as a dancer it's the same as him sleeping with girls. I said it's not because I don't have any sex...oral or regular. He insisted dancing is the same as what he does....sleeping with exes who loan him money.
Eventually he admits he's wrong and we move in again end of june. I gave up my place for him. We say we're engaged again...we put up new Facebook pics. He says he deleted instagram instead of adding me.
He loses his job mid summer 2016, I help him out numerous occasions with money from my dancing. He starts to disappear for three days at a time doing his new driving job he gets, ignoring my calls not calling, and barely texting and returning each time explaining he has to stay with friends because I argue too much. A cycle begins where I blow up into extreme fits of rage over my frustration...over what he put me through. Each time he disappears and comes home, I blow up because he's gone. He says my blowing up is a reason he has to leave for 2-3 days each time to go to his guy friends.
Eventually I stop blowing up, he still leaves every week for several days saying he doesn't like to be controlled or told when to come home, I say if he wants to marry, he needs to answer to someone, especially because he keeps saying he wants me to get pregnant and have his baby...the main reason he sees me as his wife and gave me a ring back in fall 2015. To move in with him, I gave up my apt, so i have nowhere to go. Three months go by until Oct 2016 where he leaves every week for several days...always saying he can't be controlled...but still wanting me physically...still wanting me to wear my ring...still saying he dreams of me having his child. I finally leave Nov and go out of state to live with my mother. He texts me randomly throughout the month accusing me of being with guys because I don't text right away. I tell him he has no business saying that cause I moved because he abandoned me, refused to answer the phone when I lived with him, and came and left as he wanted. During the time he did this, I found dinner receipts charged under an exes name. I screamed at him over all the lies. He insisted I'm crazy and it was just to pay her back. I felt like I lost my mind that day,..scratched him...hit him.
This past month Dec, I ask if i can stay at his place on the couch to look for jobs, since I quit dancing and want to do sales jobs again. He says he's ready to get our marriage certificate and agrees with my previous suggestion from a month ago, that we hold onto it for a few months to motivate us to go to therapy and get help until right before it expires and then get married if we can fix our relationship. We go get the marriage application. He loses half the day he could have worked getting it. Next day his car glass gets shattered. He uses his car for work. He calls me asking for money because rent is due the next day. I say no at first because I lent him money many times over the summer and he disappeared for days after, and I'm down to a low amount of money because I'm not dancing anymore...esp since he said he didn't like it and that's why he disappeared all summer. He gets upset and says he'll have to visit friends all night I break down at the end of the convo offering money but he talks over me and hangs up. He doesn't come home that night...he doesn't come home three days....so i go back to my mothers out of state....he admits he saw another friend he slept with and convinced to give him money.
I am furious. He doesn't seem to care at all when just a few days before we got a marriage application ready to sign when we make it official a few months later and he said he wanted me to have his child.
I told him I understand he has no family to turn to like me in emergency money situations and the last day to pay rent was the day after his car glass was broken and he uses his car for work, but it's not acceptable to just sleep with exes and get money from them when he has a fiance...that we could have found another way to get the money for rent together.
I told him I dont want to see him again unless it's in therapy.
He said sorry once in text, has not called once, and only texts me. He said that he feels bad I'm affected so much by his actions. Other than that, not much accountability.

Ugh. I don't know...is therapy worth it? I'm broke and have no income, a going on interviews for day jobs, don't want to dance anymore, i can put aside a day to go to therapy each week with him, but I have to go out of state to go with him because I plan to move back there in my own place when I get more money.
I asked him why he hasn't called since I last saw him and he always acts too busy. I told him if he can't even call, how can he say he loves me. He never liked calling and says he won't call cause I argue too much....we have to plan phone calls ahead. ..this is how it's always been...ugh

Is therapy even going to help...if he even goes with me?

[Pyramid50]

Can someone help me??
Ive been married for 10 years and I feel like its been an eternity.
I honestly dont know if my husband is a narcissist, has a personality disorder,
Bipolar? Or if he just inherited his dads screwed up gene pool.
Some days are good but more so bad. All i can do is give examples and see what
Comes of it...
We took our grandaughter to a movie and i told him we would just go in and get a seat saved while he got popcorn and drinks, we were waiting a good bit inside
And he still hadnt came so i checked my phone thinking maybe he text needing help but nothing. A while longer passed and no sign of him finally i get a text saying he was leaving and he hopes we enjoy the show oh and our snacks were
At bottom of the theater. Wtf??? I asked him he said he couldnt find us and was pissed cause he kept yelling and i didnt answer. I said why didnt you just text me i would have told you. He ruined my special time with my grandaugter and of course it was my fault.

He has no empathy and its getting harder to live with. He doesn't apologize and
Shows no compassion if im crying. He has been verbally and emotionally abusive again never apologizing.

One day i wanted to go to the fair and just have a nice normal day well
I went to the kitchen and noticed the freezer had been left open all night cause everything was ruined. I told him sbout it thinking he would be bothered ad we would just replace what was lost. WRONG!
He flew into a rage saying his day was ruined and he dodnt want to go anywhere
That all he does is spend money and cursing and slamming stuff that went on for about 20 min. (It was him that didnt close it back all the way)
I dodnt say it but i know it was...i have OCD and i check everything. Ive caught
Him not closing it back before. But again he wont own it. We wound up going to fair but by then my mood had soured and he robbed me of a nice day. But he acted like nothing had happened just an hour before.

My parents are elderly snd my mother has early alzheimers, my sister helps them and i go by to check in as i can. Theres been s few times when i would go by and he would ***** about using gas

We had to go to get my granddaughter to a rehearsal one day and her mom asked if we could stop by her work so she could see herin her outfit.
We were pressed for time and i was trying to gps directions
And my husband kept picking away at me until i broke and cried
I told him i was doing my best and he just coldly said "no you're not"

I can go on and on but i think i already typed too much to read.
I even thought it may be asbergers. Im exhausted and i want to be happy.