[Amanda_1981]

I feel like a freak! Ever since I was about 11 years old, I've been pulling out my hair (scalp), eyelashes and eyebrows. It's gotten so bad now, it's to the point where I have bald spots on my head and I have hardly any eyelashes left and no eyebrows. I am embarrassed to go out in public. I don't even know why I do it, all I know is that I feel like I NEED to do it... I like the release of tension that it gives when I pull out my hair. It's so hard to explain and my friends don't understand.. they try to be supportive but they don't understand why I do it. I've tried so many times to stop and I keep telling myself 'this is the last time I'll do it' but it keeps happening. I'm scared I'm going to need a wig soon. I'm too embarrassed to get my hair cut at the hairdresser anymore and I can't put my hair up in a ponytail because I've pulled out so many hairs in the front that they all stick up when I pull it back. I have to gel it down every day otherwise tons of little hairs will stick up on my head. I just feel like a freak and I don't know what to do.

Please help.

[jexa]

Okay, we treat Trich at the clinic and this is what they'd have you do:

First, start noticing your hair-pulling triggers. Where are you doing it? What makes you do it? Can you tell when you're going to need to pull? Start noticing when you pull. Keep an inventory of all the times you pull and where you were when you had the urge. Start becoming aware of your pulling.

Once you can tell where you're going to pull, and what feeling makes you pull, you need to have a plan in place to do something else instead of pull. In habit reversal training (treatment for TTM), this is called a "competing response." Some people have a squeezy ball with them at all times. And when they get the urge to pull, they grab the squeezy ball, and they let that tension pass through them while they squeeze and squeeze. Sometimes you need to try different competing responses to find one that works for you, so you can notice the feeling that you have to pull, and satisfy it with something different. It might not feel the same, but it could get you through your urges so you don't have to start wearing a wig.

Hope this helps.

[Rio_]

Originally Posted by jexa

Okay, we treat Trich at the clinic and this is what they'd have you do:

First, start noticing your hair-pulling triggers. Where are you doing it? What makes you do it? Can you tell when you're going to need to pull? Start noticing when you pull. Keep an inventory of all the times you pull and where you were when you had the urge. Start becoming aware of your pulling.

Once you can tell where you're going to pull, and what feeling makes you pull, you need to have a plan in place to do something else instead of pull. In habit reversal training (treatment for TTM), this is called a "competing response." Some people have a squeezy ball with them at all times. And when they get the urge to pull, they grab the squeezy ball, and they let that tension pass through them while they squeeze and squeeze. Sometimes you need to try different competing responses to find one that works for you, so you can notice the feeling that you have to pull, and satisfy it with something different. It might not feel the same, but it could get you through your urges so you don't have to start wearing a wig.

Hope this helps.

Sounds similar to what I did when I was in therapy. I've not been officially diagnosed, but I've been pulling my hair out since I was about 12 or 13...thanks to therapy, though, I was able to stop for about a year and a half when I was 17-18. Unfortunately it came back last year, and hasn't really gone away since.

However, I found the best way to stop is to make sure I keep my hands away from my hair as much as possible - by the time I start playing with my hair, it's usually too late. Things like holding a pen lid or an eraser in my free hand helped, and wearing a hat and gloves is great when it gets cold enough to get away with it...I'm wearing a glove on my left hand right now, in fact. It can feel very hard to stop at first, but it does get easier...and if you don't manage at first, don't be afraid to try again! It took me at least five attempts at quitting, ranging between about nine days and two months, before I managed to stop for a year and a half.

I realise it might be a bit hypocritical to give this sort of advice when I'm struggling to follow the same advice myself but I hope it helps. I'm on the waiting list for counselling at university, so I'm hoping it'll make a difference and I might manage to stop again. It's got to the point where it's actually hurting my hands and arms to pull but I still keep going, which worries me.

[GretchenRoss]

Hi Amanda,

I'm also suffering from trichotillomania.
I've never gone to the doctor about it, but i am going to very soon!!
I've had it since i was around 14 or 15. I have very noticeable bald patches like you too, and i have to work really hard on my hair to make the most of it. My best friend knows that i pull it out as i eventually told her about it when i was around 20 or 21, and she is SO supportive of me and doesn't think i'm a freak - even though i feel like one. I am 28 now.

I pulled all of my eyelashes out about 9 months ago, they have now grown back thank god!! My best mate noticed straight away when i had pulled them out, even though i tried to lie that i hadn't. And as soon as they'd grown back i was texting her to say i was using mascara for the first time again! She was so proud and i think the reason why i'm finally going to get help over my hair pulling is that she asked me to because i'm bridesmaid at her wedding next July. And i promised i would get help so that maybe i would have all my hair back in time for it.

I don't think i will do it, but i'm really going to try because i can't live with it anymore. It's so frustrating that the one thing that makes you feel ugly, is something of your own doing!!

So if i can swallow my pride and muster up some courage and go see my doctor, then pleeeease can you too??
I know exactly how you feel and i know how embarassed you are by it. But since joining here last night, i have now realised how common this affliction is and there is no reason to fear telling someone. Especially as there is a treatment for it.
I wish i had found this site 10 years ago and then maybe i would have asked for help before it got so bad.

Much hugs

Gretchen xxxx

[Moreta]

I've been pulling a bunch today. but i do have a lot on my mind right now.

When I try to quit I go get my hair cut, so I'll have to style it everyday. The feeling of mouse on your fingers all day is not a good feeling, nor is the taste of it. yuck!

I'll also, put make-up on, and use mascara and an eyebrow pencil. The eyebrow pencil because if you try too hard (to pull one out) your eyebrows will start to wander, and the mascara because it clumps the lashes together which make them harder to pull out.

UNFORTUNATELY, since I've been depressed my cleanliness/motivation to do anything has escaped from me. So now i'm pulling my hair again...errrr.

[ThePainNeverDies]

I've been struggling a lot with pulling my hair out too, and the bald patches have gotten so big that I too, am afraid to go out! And to get my hair cut.

You're not alone and I wish I could help, but all I can offer you is and hope that things get easier for you soon

Take care

[GretchenRoss]

I haven't been to a hairdressers since i was 18 - i'm now 28.
I cut my own hair when it needs it, but i'm trying really hard to grow it.
I made a goal today to get through it without pulling my hair. I got up at 10am and it's now 8:45pm and i haven't pulled any! I feel really good about that

I also spoke online to my best friend today and i told her about my plans to ask a doctor to refer me to a shrink or whatever. And she was sooo great about it, and i told her i would text her tonight before bed if i had gotten through it without hair pulling.

I really feel like i'll be jinxing myself saying this (but that maybe just my mental illness talking, whatever it is)... but today has been really good.

Someone suggested that i should keep a diary of everything that happens regarding my thoughts and hair-pulling and mania etc etc etc...
I think i may do that.

[Amanda_1981]

Thanks everyone for your replies and advice! Jexa, I like the idea of the squeezy ball.. I will make note to get one. My psychiatrist also mentioned before pulling a rubber band on your wrist. I haven't tried that yet but I'll make note to try that one as well. Rio, good idea about holding something in your hands.. I will also make note on that as well. I've also noticed I don't tend to pull as much when I have my hair up or when I'm wearing a hat. I just bought a hat recently and I've been wearing it a lot and I noticed I haven't been pulling as much lately. Another thing my psychiatrist mentioned is when you feel the urge to pull, immediately try to distract your mind and hands, such as, read a book, watch tv, do a craft, etc. I find that sometimes helps. For me though, the best therapy is to say to myself "do you want to be bald and have bald patches" and then I think of how I'll look and then that usually stops me from pulling. But I know it's not a permanent cure and I'll always have this condition and some days will be worse than others and perhaps I'll even go pull free for several months and then go into replapse, but it helps to know that I'm not alone. Thank you all for supporting me and for helping me with this. I very much appreciate it.