I feel so alone.

Hi my names Alyssa and I suffer from ocd and anxiety/panic attacks....my ocd is so bad today I missed out on a family thanksgiving dinner because my obsessions were so bad. A common symptom of ocd is intrusive, unwanted thoughts....and I am plagued with them.
I've suffered with this my entire life on and off, but a few years ago when I was 17 it hit me harder than it ever had and its never really seemed to give me any peace whatsoever since then. What I'm really tripping on right now is the thought of yelling out very innappropriate stuff in public. It limits me from going places. I also get the awful violent thoughts about hurting loved ones and my cat and weird things like that as well. I am not that kind of person so it really freaks me out when I get these thougths. Although I am reasured by doctors that it is normal to have these thoughts with ocd....but they don't feel normal...and sometimes it feel like I'll never get better, and I feel very alone. I've been on meds since I was 12 but eventually each of them stop working and I am left to fend for myself again. I don't know what kind of response I want from this post....I guess it just makes me feel better when others share their experiences with me. I hope everyone is dealing, and having a much better Thanksgiving than I am!

((((((((Alyssa)))))))))))) you know I think of ya as a little sister and I hate to see you go through all this (for those who don't know, me and Tal are friends from a former anxiety support chat room and I told her about this site because it's really helped me and I'm hoping it will help her too!)

I know how awful ocd intrusive thoughts can be.. I get them really bad too (for me it seems to be periods where it's better, and then periods where it's really bad). When mine are really bad, I always tell myself 'ok, I have never acted on these thoughts in the past, even when they were really bad, so I know I won't act on them now'.. I also remind myself that the fact that I am apolled and do NOT want these thoughts, prooves even more that I am sane and a good person because if I really WAS evil, I would want these bad thoughts. But I don't, and neither do you. You are a good person and I have every bit of faith in you that you will get through this. You know I"m always here for you girl! You are very strong and very brave to go through all this. Always remember that! And know that 'thoughts' are much different than 'actions'. I used to think I was evil because of my bad thoughts of hurting people, but that's all they are, is unwanted thoughts. One thing that really helped me with my thoughts was zyprexa and risperadol. Maybe you can talk to your pdoc about trying something similar to that? (I know they have ones now that don't cause as much weight gain, like Invega.

I hope you are having a better day today and don't ever feel bad for having to cancel out on family events because of your ocd or anxiety. If your family and friends truly love you, they will understand. (((((((big hugs to you))))))))) Always remember you are not alone and you are stronger than you think