Opinions?

I know this is incredibly long winded and I'm tempted to not post it at all... but I guess I should or something. Argh, I don't know...

Recently (read as the past month or so) I've noticed that I have some odd ticks or whatever.

For example, All the things in my room have to stay in the same general position or order, and if it changes I have to put it back to the way it was so I can sleep at night- And I refuse to throw stuff out, even trash, and my dad gets really mad about it for obvious reasons, but I can't stop; When I try to clean it up I have to make it a mess again or I stress out about it. I have a hard time getting new things too, though for the most part I can somewhat control this, though sometimes I have to hide things like DVD's, CD's, and books out of site so I can't tell I have them or I feel nervous or out of whack.

I have to do the same thing every night when I go to bed or I feel like I won't be able to sleep- A routine which consists of me having a coughing fit at 9:50 which I usually stop at 9:52 and then at exactly 10 I go take my shower which involves flushing the toilet before starting the water, having a coughing fit while the water gets up to temperature, and then another coughing fit right after using conditioner in my hair- Which I always dispense with 5 squirts thrown away and then use it in my hair. After that I wipe off my eyebrows of the suds while looking in the mirror and have a drink of water- which requires me to fill/dump out the cup at least 4 times before it feels right (really it feels like I could do it forever and not have it feel right) and then drinking a little bit before dumping it out. Then I go to bed and it's about 10:06 or 10:07 and I turn out the light, check facebook one time and then get into bed and always turn off the TV at exactly 10:10 or I feel off. If I don't do all that I usually have trouble sleeping...

I can sorta deal with going off that schedule on weekends because I realize that I don't have anything to do the next day... But it's hard to deal with during the week- There's a bunch of other little things, like my thoughts about morbid things that I can't control, or my worrying that I'm a narcissist, or that I'm falling back into the ways that I fought to get out of (which for some reason some oddly appealing but I don't and it just makes me blah...) I just don't know... From what I've read it sounds like OCD, but I don't know. I can sorta see that it's not normal but I still do them, and if I force myself not to, I usually have trouble sleeping like I've said... It's getting annoying but what do people think? Is it OCD? I'm having trouble just posting this because I feel compelled to erase everything I've written but I'm going to force myself to post it I guess haha... I find it difficult to have a new interest because I easily become obsessed with it (like the normal kind though) but then I feel like I've changed and I have to go back to the way I was doing things before to feel 'right' again... Or I have to keep myself busy until it's time for bed so I don't have the time to worry which is why the night of my guitar lessons is always best for me because I have less time to worry about stuff.

I also constantly chew on the collars of my tee-shirts when I'm worried, and get anxious if I don't even though I know it's not normal, and when I'm sitting at my desk I have to sit the same way every time or I get anxious even though the way I sit isn't actually that comfortable.

I don't know if it's really OCD because reading about it and sorta hoping that I have it makes me calmer because then I don't think I'm crazy and also just writing helps some but I just don't know... I can't listen to some songs because they put me in a mood from the past that makes me worry that I'm falling back into the way I used to be and I know it shouldn't be that way but I just it's like I just don't know.

Do your parents know about this? If not they probably should. Your rituals are affecting your life. Good luck.

No, my dad doesn't know, but I'm reluctant to tell him because well, because it kind of increases the feelings when I think about it... I know that these things shouldn't have any bearing on life but they do for some reason... I just don't know.

Hi NVR MND, i have been a diagnosed ocd sufferer for almost two decades and i dont wish to wanna jump to conclusion but i have a slight inclination that it could be ocd as your symptons run parallell with mine and some exactly like me. For example symmetry has always been somethin i would be meticoulous about and dare i find any book on my shelf out of line or pertruding from the book case at any time. I even went as far as renting a self storage unit as an overwhelming collection of letters and documents about me were becoming a prime collection and could not throw them out so i had to go and rent this srtorage.unit .MY suggestion to you is to start of subtle and talk to someone who is understanding open minded and compassionate in your life ,it could also be a General practitioner who knows your family well ,this could be a start,thats how i was originally diagnosed.Any how best of luck and if you feel the need to wanna discuss any issues surrounding ocd your always welcome to post me any concern you may have and will be honoured to assist you!!!!Take care.P.S by the way at least we have one positive in common..."Go the Gunners......simply the best ARSENAL"

Whoo! Simply the best!

Yeah, I'm debating going back into therapy but it's a struggle haha... It's a struggle doing a lot of things with out feeling like I'm on a slippery slope in life. I try though, and hopefully I'll pull through it in the end.

Yeah thats how ocd works yeah it sucks but it works like that huggs

MyI ocd works like this In order for me to relax I have to keep calling people or my day want come out right.Ocd sucks and it can ruin your life.huggs

It sucks because everything I think suddenly has more tangents to them and if one of those tangents upsets me I have do something about it. At least I'm usually a little better on weekends where I don't have to get up in the morning so I can do whatever I want and take the time to cope along the way instead of having to limit what I do so I don't flare it up.

Having to go through your parents suuuuuuuucks. That's why I wasn't diagnosed properly until after I was 18 and could go to a psychiatrist instead of just the family doctor. It was my mother that had the most problem with it. I'm pretty sure it's because of her denial of her own mental problems, and never being properly treated.

I was having a bad time with the OCD as of late, and my therapist recommended that I set time limits for everything I do. Like last weekend I went grocery shopping by myself and what would have taken 30 mins, took 2 hours, because I have to go through every isle, and read packaging information, then find the one with the best date, etc. My therapist told me I could only have 10 secs for each item, if I'm going to buy it or not, and then either put it in the cart, or put it back on the shelf and walk away.

There seems to be a consensus OCD sucks. The question remains, nvr mnd, will you choose to make a better life and get professional help?

I want to; But I don't want to at the same time, if that makes any sense.

I know in my head that I should, but then the way my mind works tells me at the same time that going back into therapy is basically saying that I've regressed back to how I 'was' and the way that I'm still struggling to stay out of.

I know it sounds stupid, but it's how it is for me :/