[femme_nikita]

I read an article recently about a girl in a relationship and how obsessed she was with other women. When she would go out with her b/f, she would stay focused on his eyes to see if he was looking at another woman. This caused him to feel uncomfortable every time they went out...and then some. As I was reading this article, there was so much more that described what I've been experiencing for 4 years now. My fear has gotten somewhat better throughout the years but everytime my husband mentions anything that has to do with another woman (that's not family), I flip out! In a matter of a few minutes, I begin to sweat, my heart starts beating faster and faster, I lose all concentration, all desire to keep working (if I'm at work) and all desire to interact with my family, including him and the kids. In the past, I used to make an issue about everything and anything that had to with a female, even sometimes believe my own assumptions. Now I wait until I have something concrete and a little more realistic before I make a fuss about it. I think this all started after I met my husband 5 years ago and his "girl friends" ruined my life. He had told me that he had girl friends and I didn't see anything wrong with that, that's because I did not know what it entailed. The more phone calls, emails, visits during break-ups and instant messages...the more insecure I was becoming. I was married before and was never jealous or insecure so this doesn't stem from the past. Ever since then, I panicked when it came to women. There were issues that were simply jealousy but the constant questioning and depression took over me. It subsided until now. Recently, my husband started his own business on the side which apparently is attracting more women than men and it is starting up this problem again. I feel that if he finds them attractive that it's going to change the way he does business with them. He says he doesn't care if they're woman or man, fat or skinny, pretty or ugly, young or old and I do believe him because I know why he's doing what he's doing...to make more money. I think what I'm experiencing is some kind of OCD with these thoughts and acting them out in the form of harassment and hostility toward him. I can't afford to see a therapist right now because I don't have insurance and I can't pay for it on my own so I'm seeking some kind of advise...thanks!

[Bryndy29]

I know what you are going through; only for me it is with my boyfriend and not my husband. To give a little background on my situation: I dated a guy for four years a while ago and over half of our relationship he had cheated on me. Of course I didn't know this at the time, but when I found out it was absolute devastation. After we broke up, I went through a long period of time (5 years worth) of going out with different guys, and MANY times being the "other woman" in a number of relationships. By the grace of God I met my current boyfriend who can only be described as Heaven sent. He is not only an unbelievable boyfriend, but he is an outstanding human being.

The only problem is I have this insane jealousy issue that I can not overcome, and it seems like the longer we are together, the more I realize how Blessed I am to have him in my life, the more I'm afraid to lose him. If he even talks to other girls, I have to watch his face to see if it lights up the same way it does when he talks to me. When he makes a comment about if a girl on TV is attractive, I am infuriated. I do a pretty good job at hiding these reactions from him, however he does know that I struggle with jealousy. The thing is, I truly trust that he would never cheat on me, that's not the issue, my issue is that I'm afraid he will fall for someone else, someone who is a better person than I am.

He really takes his faith very seriously, in fact we are exercising chastity until we get married, which is something I've never done in a relationship. We volunteer at a high school youth group together and I find myself extremely jealous of those girls. He loves sharing his faith with others and he gets really excited if people are interested in the faith. He treats boys and girls, men and women, all equally, and yet I can't stand when he's friendly to other girls.

The ironic thing is, my ex who did cheat on me all the time was never friendly towards other girls, at least not around me...

Ahh I'm really just trying to vent right now, I know you wrote this a while ago and I know there is no advice in my post, but I was kind of hoping someone else would be able to add on.