[Pup]

Here's my cycle.

A bad/disturbing/"dirty"/intrusive thought/image...
Feel the need to confess but resist it...
Anxiety rises...
Feels more compelled to confess, obsesses over it...
Confesses.

Repeat.

I'm...so...sick...OF...THIS!

I really don't know what to do.
This is distressing me so much.
There are so many things that are distressing me about OCD, I hate this.
This got to the point last year that I felt I had to confess if I had one single word out of place, one single thing out of place, something so insignificant but it felt so huge to me, and sometimes, caused anxiety attacks.
I'm scared that this is never going to end.
I feel so bad, so dirty, so filthy, so awful, a *****, a bad person, GAH.
A little reassurance maybe?
A little advice?
A little support?
That'd be nice...

[caring_whiterose]

Pup, do you have a T?

[Lenny]

When you feel the need to confess pup,,is there a specific person you must confess to?

Lenny

[Pup]

Yes there is.

And I have a psych but she's said I cannot focus on the OCD because I'm too unwell to handle with 1) meds for it and 2) intensive therapy. :/

[jexa]

Originally Posted by Pup

Yes there is.

And I have a psych but she's said I cannot focus on the OCD because I'm too unwell to handle with 1) meds for it and 2) intensive therapy. :/

But.. is the OCD your main problem? How could you be too unwell to focus on the OCD if it's your major concern?

I work at an OCD clinic and have OCD myself. I'll tell you that what they'd have you do is purposely think one of the "small thoughts" where you feel anxiety if you don't confess, but not overwhelming anxiety, and then you'd suppress the urge to confess for the "small thought." Then you'd work up from there, making sure you don't move so fast you overwhelm yourself. But God it's hard. Treatment for OCD is hell.. I'm going through it myself and it is so exhausting. Are you seeing someone who does ERP? Make sure you do -- it sucks, but it works!

Have you read the book Ella Enchanted? It's basically a story of a girl who had a spell put on her where she "must obey" when others tell her what to do, to an extreme. I'm sure the author was thinking of OCD when she wrote the book. Anyway, when I'm trying to fight my OCD, I think of myself like her -- that someone put a nasty spell on me and I'm heroic to be fighting back against it. I call my OCD "the spell." Seems to help me, to think about it like that.

[gimmeice]

(((((((((( pup )))))))))))))

I am so sorry you are going through this.

[Pup]

No, I have a lot of main problems right now, They mean physically unwell, physically too weak.

[Lauru]

Pup, I'm so sorry. I have the same problem as you. I did the exact thing you do when I was younger, middle school age. Now my OCD comes in many different forms. I check, count, and do odd little rituals. All to help me fight the anxiety caused by those bad, dirty, evil, hateful, violent thoughts. Somedays I just give in and go to sleep. Other days I am stronger to fight it. My T recommended me doing treatment at an OCD clinic here in CA which uses ERP. Ick, I don't know what to do, but I am sending you

[drpepper]

Hey Pup, I remember my bad thoughts and images took over when I was about 12 or 13 and I thought I was evil. I remember one night laying on my bed with a bible on my chest crying and praying it would go away. What I found that works is first to realize it's not you putting the thought in your head...so you have no reason to feel guilty. I'm a Christian so another thing I do is whenever I have an unwanted thought or image pop in my head I tell satan to get away from me and out of my head. And then try no to stress about it..because the more you stress and blame yourself and think your dirty the longer it will stay in your mind. So I don't know if you believe like I do. But that's what I do and I don't have hardly any of the intrusive things in my head that used to be there.

I'll pray for you to get rid of this horrible stuff that's bothering you too.

(I still have ocd thoughts in my head...just not the horrible/violent/sexual thoughts/images)

[Pup]

thanks.

Still suffering with the OCD, but I'm trying to cope...

[dontknowhowtohelp]

Listening to everyones opinions and trials gives me some hope for my son.Thank You

[budimir787]

Originally Posted by jexa

But.. is the OCD your main problem? How could you be too unwell to focus on the OCD if it's your major concern?

I work at an OCD clinic and have OCD myself. I'll tell you that what they'd have you do is purposely think one of the "small thoughts" where you feel anxiety if you don't confess, but not overwhelming anxiety, and then you'd suppress the urge to confess for the "small thought." Then you'd work up from there, making sure you don't move so fast you overwhelm yourself. But God it's hard. Treatment for OCD is hell.. I'm going through it myself and it is so exhausting. Are you seeing someone who does ERP? Make sure you do -- it sucks, but it works!

Have you read the book Ella Enchanted? It's basically a story of a girl who had a spell put on her where she "must obey" when others tell her what to do, to an extreme. I'm sure the author was thinking of OCD when she wrote the book. Anyway, when I'm trying to fight my OCD, I think of myself like her -- that someone put a nasty spell on me and I'm heroic to be fighting back against it. I call my OCD "the spell." Seems to help me, to think about it like that.

Totally love your way of thinking!!! Wow this is a great way to fight this problem!!!! THANK YOU!!!!