[Berries]

Does anyone have a constant & I mean several hours a day, every day, obession that you are faking your mental illnesses?

I've have been diagnosed with bipolar for 25 years and with OCD for 4 years.

I get intrusive thoughts that I've been faking all these years and I should punish myself via suicide for wasting resourses, my family pain, and wasting my life.

I rehash the past over and over to try to figure out if I have been faking.
I latch on to a particular incident that is ambiguous and ask my T about it. I pretty much have one or two to ask at every session. (twice a week). He always reassures me.
I ask my pdoc and T at every session if I am really sick. They always say yes. It is such a relief. For a couple of hours. Then the whole obsession returns.
Or after a session with pdoc, I get an intrusive thought that I lied to her. (thus faking it). Then I rehash the appointment to figure it out. I get so focused on the thoughts that I run red lights and almost get into accidents, miss my exit...
I know a lot of people have doubts about faking.
But does anyone have this severe of a problem with it? And how do you deal with it?
It's driving me nutz!!
It is also very depressing recalling my past, cuz I went through some pretty harrowing things. Now stuff you want to dwell on.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by Berries

I get intrusive thoughts that I've been faking all these years and I should punish myself via suicide for wasting resourses, my family pain, and wasting my life.

I would try not to take it any further in the direction "it" wants to go (where you start looking for possible fakes in your past life) and start picking at the above circle.

Punishing by suicide, is not a calm, reasoned, rational, healthy thing. Having faked that long and wasted a life, is not a healthy way of having been. Causing pain to those who love and care for us is not a wise, healthy life choice.

So, whether you have or have not faked it, right now, you have problems that need professional help.

I would come up with a statement to tell myself that would make the question of whether you have been faking or not, make no sense. All that searching to see if you have been faking is not mentally healthy.

[googley]

(((((((Berries))))))

I know you have been dealing with this for a while. I just wanted to stop by and give you hugs.

Hi Berries,

I have Bipolar and OCD as well. I have been through a period of time where I worried constantly that I was faking my illnesses and symptoms. It was very stressful, especially when I'd go into hospital because I felt I was wasting the doctor's time and taking up a bed for nothing. Therapy and medication helped. The intrusive thoughts and obsessions went away after a while. I hope they will go away for you too.

[Berries]

Originally Posted by Perna

I would come up with a statement to tell myself that would make the question of whether you have been faking or not, make no sense.

I was wondering if you could give me an example of the kind of statement to tell myself?

[Perna]

Faking serious mental illness is a mental illness:

http://my.clevelandclinic.org/disord...disorders.aspx

[BNLsMOM]

I have this problem too, Berries, especially when I am feeling well. I hope it passes for you. It seems like you have a good t and p-doc to help you.