Relapsing Trich

It's coming back. The urges are becoming so unbearable. I've found myself pulling several times today and the past few months it's gradually been building. I've somewhat managed to control myself throughout but not pulling makes me irritable and on edge and unsatisfied. I honestly thought I was cured for a while. I had been trich free for probably two years. All during my childhood my trich was really quite bad, leaving me with bald spots on the top of my head, around my bangs, and around my neck area. I don't know when I learned to control myself, but I somehow slowly began to stop. I think cutting my hair really short had something to do with it, as well as falling into an abusive situation where my abuser would yank me around by my hair creating an extremely painful reminder. But since then my hair has grown quite long and soft and now I just want to pull and yank and pull but my vanity I think is what is keeping me from having a full out hair fit.

I need help on how to control myself, I don't know what to do, it's so thought consuming

Hey, the fact that you are able to control yourself says a LOT.

Back when I was doing CBT for trich, we learned to time our urges out. When you get an urge, rate it from 1-10 (write the number down). Then get your watch out and time yourself for 30 seconds (or count to 30), then rate the urge again. Most likely it will be lower. If necessary, keep repeating this process until the urge goes away. We learned in CBT that typically the urge to pull is very strong, but goes away very quickly (like within a minute or so). It's like a cigarette craving. You just gotta wait it out.