[proof_reader]

Hello, I'm Ken. I'm 18 and I am diagnosed wit h Pure O OCD last December. I've mostly fought off most kinds of intrusive thoughts but for the past week, I've been having delusions that I am the only one alive and everyone around me are pre programmed robots with no free will. I've fought a battle of logic with that and sorta won. There"s also a thought in my mind which basically says that there's someone controlling me and that I'll slowly go completely crazy and with my analysis of my behavior, Im leaning towards believing it even though I know its completely impossible. The most pressing thing I'm going through right now is apophenia (connecting or giving meaning to random data or information). like Ill see a word and instantly give it a meaning even though i know deep down that a word means nothing more than what it means. Confusing? ex: cat - a mammal, animal. well my brain treats it as an acronym and gives it a distressing definition connected to the delusion I mentioned beforehand. This doesnt apply to only words but also shapes or spots I see. I just want it to stop cause I know what my mind conjures up makes no sense but my ocd counter argues with: "What if your 'controller' is causing you to feel this way thus making you unable to stop it?" It's like my logic's being tested. I know it's utterly ridiculous but I just can't stop. I don't want to attach meaning to anything and every word I type/say and lose insight altogether :/ Do you think this is OCD or something more serious? As I was typing this, I couldn't help but wonder if the people who would respond are programmed to do so. I know that's dumb but I cant help it. Gah, I'm contradicting myself just by doing so but please, help greatly needed.

[Nomad17]

I would tell you that I'm real and not being controlled by a robot, but you probably think that I'm programmed to say that so, I'll just say this: I'm so sorry you're going through such a hard time. Your symptoms seem odd though, almost more like paranoia/psychosis, but I'm no doctor. I do, however, have OCD and have had experiences with psychosis, so I know how you feel/what it's like. You do seem to be obsessing over your thoughts, though, so I guess that's where the OCD comes in. I'm assuming you have a therapist, because you have a diagnosis, and I would definitely definitely talk to him/her about this ASAP. This isn't normal, and its rather worrisome. Again, I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.

How are you feeling now?

Keep posting.

Nomad

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Sounds like me, in many ways. 'o.O Sometimes when you're particularly aware, like us, it can be difficult to understand and accept; that's my theory, anyway. Sometimes I have various similar thoughts, but I'm much too logical and rational a person to know it's possible... but then... I don't know it's not, so maybe it is? xD So yeh, it gets out of hand, really. It's ridiculous for sure, and that ridiculousness is what will keep you knowing what really is real. Life can be ugly, and life can be pretty; that is real, and I'm sure it would be nice for it to be something else, but... well... this is it.

EDIT:

Hah, "Proof Reader". I totally get that. I've massively obsessed over that for a very long time. Every single thing I say has to be re-read and corrected, even with speech I have a tendency to think over every iota of what I've said, and I often reiterate with minor corrections. lol It's madness! In fact, I'm currently reading this, now. lol It's bad enough when you touch type and read everything when you type it, but to read it yet again? Come on! xD Sometimes I read it again and again and again... when will I be satisfied! >.<

I believe I've read this 3 times, now.

EDIT #2:

Also, I understand the"debilitating" thing, because I'm "disabled" and OCD is evidently a huge part of why it is so. >.<