Really Struggling Today

The people that were to give me a lift this morning let me down, so I ended up having to get the train home. There was a person on board coughing a little, but I managed to just accept my intrusive thoughts of danger without engaging them or judging them and hence my anxiety was not too bad, this is real progress for me and I felt really good about it.

However, suddenly loads of people boarded the train, several of whom began sneezing and coughing without covering their noses or mouths. I felt like a caged animal desperate to break free!! The train was going so slow, and I was stuck for about half an hour. The number and strength of my intrusive thoughts and my appraisals of them have subsequently sent my anxiety through the roof, and I am struggling to control it.

Sadly I ended up washing frantically when I got home, and despite trying to be self-compassionate, I feel really disappointed with myself.

I am terrified that I am going to get ill this week and not be able to attend all the things that make my week enjoyable, and really scared that if I do get ill, the OCD side of me will be strengthened and the progress I have made will be damaged.

It's times like this I wish I could contact my therapist between sessions.

I despise OCD!!!!

Well, you managed to feel in control up to certain point. This is good. Small goals will lead to larger goals. Focus on what you could do to improve your tolerance in such a situation. And you did well.

Despite what happened later on the train, you made real progress and should be proud. No one, justly, expects you to miraculously get better and there will be setbacks, but despite everything always persevere. Remember that you made progress, don't ever take that for granted and keep it at the core of your thoughts. It is a beginning and that's a massive step.
I wish you only luck .

It was great that you controlled your anxiety for a while! That is major progress! I know how you feel about being on the train, because I feel the same way. I do not think you should be disappointed in yourself for washing frantically when you got home, but you should be proud about controlling your anxiety better, and you can continue to work on controlling your anxiety.