[Gordian's Cocktail]

I have an unusual case... or not.
When I'm alone I suffer from Nice Guy Syndrome: Pretty much a frustration with how things ended with my last crush results in really intense feelings of resentment and even a little rage. Part of it is because my OCD... I guess 'replays' scenarios where she and someone else goad me into fighting by pouring salt into my wounds with their words, and I only get angrier. Thing is, it's my visions doing that, not them. Yes, the OCD is based on their attitude when I last saw them but still.

Just so that you know... these feelings disappear when I'm with a friend or an actual woman. No rage, no anything and it feels natural. I'm not hiding that part of myself it just disappears. And besides, I know well enough that my emotions aren't a good excuse to take things out on others. I've never made anyone suffer for my pain, even though sometimes I feel like I'm in pain alone because of it.

Any advice on how to handle OCD that preys on the most vulnerable part of you?

Bonus Info: It's funny how the women who have taken advantage of me was never enough for me to get OCD, but the one person I was trying to fall out of love with being a massive, unsympathetic hypocrite is (those parts of her weren't obvious to either of us when I first befriended her. It's still probably not obvious to her).
FTR I have been used for money and... that was it. I forgot about that woman in a month. This OCD is going on over a year now.

Also before I knew I had OCD I talked about having 'violent, angry thoughts' and some people just said 'you have an anger problem' in a kind of judgmental way. It was the 'bad thoughts' that played a part in some hypocrisy. I was judged as being a worse person for having obsessive thoughts but never acting on them than the guy with less impulse control but he 'I didn't know what he went through.' I think I'm partially still resentful because I believed that for a while.

That's the problem warts and all... except it's really in a nutshell because I don't have the time (or desire) to relive every detail and I want to ultimately stay focused on just keeping the intensity of the feelings down when I'm alone.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Do you find your mind plays out scenarios, and you actually react to them, emotionally? For example, you overhear people talking, play out a scenario in which they are all saying horrible things about you, so you get pissed off and perhaps end up a little "snippy" with them, when you talk to them. Another one might be a scenario in which you feel saddened, or various other emotions.

[Gordian's Cocktail]

I react to them emotionally on the inside, like anger, but I don't let it show in public where I manage to keep them in check.

Thing is I need no triggers: This pretty much just happens almost constantly because of how severe my emotional damage was.

Also I just had a shouting match with my OCD in the kitchen. Nobody heard me cause I was alone but the thoughts just got really intense. It doesn't help that the threat of poverty and my brother's death really amped up the pressure.