[nousernamesleft]

Okay, some things my hocd ( I hope! ) has been scaring me with recently?!

1. That I became increasingly interested in gay people right before this happened.

This is partially true. I got tumblr and it's all very gay aha on there. I also started watching a tv programme of which there was a gay ship, who I read fanfiction about (boys, not girls). I do remember once or twice searching people on Facebook and trying to work out if they were lesbians from some rumour or comment. This is the one that stresses me out the most. I always do weird searches on Facebook when I'm bored, I generally have a few people I'm interested in and they change around, but I always thought 'stalking' people of Facebook was normal. All my friends do it, but I'm worrying that maybe I did it too much or something? I read on a LGBT forum (I've been spending loads of time there to try to give me reassurance, I know it's bad!) that some people "become mysteriously interested in homosexuality right before they realise they are homosexual themselves". This scares me so much I want to cry. I wasn't really mysteriously interested but was I? Help

2. I have had the occasional same sex fantasy.

Why? Why? Why did i do this? Having said that, it was like one in one hundred opposite sex fantasies, but is it normal or an indicator of homosexuality? Problem is, I can't seem to remember my straight fantasies and it keeps telling me they never happened or very rarely happened. I know they happened frequently but did I? Grrr

I know this sounds like I'm lesbian because I haven't tried to prove to you that I'm straight but please can someone maybe explain or give their opinions on things? People with similar things to this that post on LGBT forums are always told they're lesbian/bi and it scares me so much!! I've been doing so well but these things just keep going round and round. Has anyone else done/thought these things or can give be some help as to whether try are substantial evidence towards homosexuality or ocd blowing things out of proportion?

Thankyou

[nousernamesleft]

can someone help?

[ocdwifeofsociopath]

I doubt you are truly full out lesbian. You may just be going with a weird curiosity. Like when you see a horrible accident and you can't help but look. Not something you really want to see, but that morbid curiosity is still there and you just can't help but look. I would be willing to bet you are spiraling in an ocd circle because of this curiousity.

[TheNextOne]

Bicuriosity is common in the majority of women as far as I know. Even if you were completely sexually attracted to women, which nothing you've said indicates that you are, then that would only make you bisexual, not a lesbian. There is a significant difference, lesbians are not sexually attracted to/sexually aroused by men. Furthermore, many women who consider themselves completely straight have had flings/sexual encounters with women at some point in their lives. What you're describing sounds more like unfounded anxiety i.e. worrying about something that's no big deal at all, so just try to relax.

[nousernamesleft]

Thanks for the replies. I think the Facebook searching may have been an early compulsion and not just curiosity, and ocdwifeofsociopath I know what you mean with the morbid incident thing. I often find myself curious about things like the plague and horrific news stories and although these things scare me when my minor harm o is playing up I try to ignore it. I am young after all and lots of my friends say they are interested in things such as murders etc. it sounds weird ik but I think we all have it to some extent. I am doing a lot better with hocd recently, it's still very scary but I don't really think I am bisexual or lesbian and from the many people I've wailed to on this forum and many others most say same sex fantasies are pretty normal. Nowadays I worry more about individual things rather than the whole picture, for example right now I'm worried I'm obsessed with gay people haha. I don't even know anymore tbh, I worry about so many things that seem so unimportant yet I can't stop

[ocdwifeofsociopath]

I understand. Worrying is so easy to do. And so difficult not to do.