[MattMVS7]

I have these obsessive thoughts that are there all day everyday. They cause panic and depression. When I first had these thoughts (which were thoughts of feeling trapped and can't escape--that the brain is trapped inside your head and can't escape), I felt trapped and this caused me to experience one panic attack immediately after another, adding up to many panic attacks per day. On a scale of 1-10, it was at a 10 and I had to be put in the hospital because I lost all control and no positive thing I thought or did had any effect in calming this thought down. I experienced one panic attack immediately after another and nothing could get this under control. I know for a fact that they are panic attacks because the difference between panic and anxiety is that with anxiety, you just have a feeling of nervousness. But with panic, it is a completely different emotion from anxiety and is something much worse and causes a racing heart.

Most people who have panic disorder only experience one or two panic attacks a day. But mine were constant due to this constant obsessive thought.

After a few days of the worst experience of my life, I managed to get rid of the thought completely by convincing myself that the words "trapped" and "can't escape" do not apply to the brain being inside your head because of the fact that your brain is not trapped inside your head--it is contained.

Therefore, since that got rid of those words since they no longer apply, that got rid of the thought. But now I have a new thought that I cannot get rid of no matter what I tell myself and although it is not causing any panic and on a scale of 1-10 it is a 4, I fear that if this thought gets to a 10 like with my previous one, that it will remain at that level and that there will be no hope for getting better and getting it under control.

This thought is that my nose is always there up close in my vision and there is no escape from that situation since I cannot remove my nose from my vision. Although I know that the phrase "can't escape" does not apply in this situation and that I shouldn't feel that way, I feel this way anyway for some reason.

Absolutely nothing I tell myself or doing anything else relieves the thought. The only thing though that is keeping it under control is knowing the fact that I can put something over my nose and have it remain there and that this is something I can remove from my view anytime. My nose is something I can't remove from my view and there is no escape in that situation. But I can remove something I put over my nose and there is an escape in that situation.

Knowing that there is a possible escape is the only thing that is keeping this thought under control. But in the event that this possible escape no longer has any effect on this thought and this thought gets to a 10 like with my previous thought, I feel that it is likely that there is no hope in getting better or getting it under control and that I will have to live at the hospital the rest of my life getting shot up.

The reason I feel this way is because up to 25-40% of people with OCD are treatment resistant in that no medication or psychotherapy works at all. That percentage is reasonably high. Therefore, it is likely that I am someone who is treatment resistant. If that is the case, then if this thought ever gets to a 10 and causes me constant panic, I will have to go to the hospital and live there due to the fact that if I am treatment resistant, then it will never get better and I can never get it under control.

In this link, at the bottom of the page, it explains:

Treatment Resistant OCD - Coping With Treatment Resistant OCD

All of us, when we have a disorder such as panic or depression that is out of control, look forward to and live by the hopeful message that this is something that will get better and that you can get it under control. Without that, there is no hope and no living with it in such a way that you are able to accept it and live with it. You may be able to try with all your will and be able to do the things you want to do in life, but there is no hope and no coping and living with it.

Because I feel that it is likely for me to be someone who is treatment resistant not only because of the percentage of people who are, but also because that this thought has remained at a 4 and hasn't gotten better despite medication and therapy, this is the reason why I feel there may be no hope. Knowing the likely possibility that there is no hope is causing me severe depression all day everyday.

[spondiferous]

Hi Matt. I am so sorry to read your post and to know that you are experiencing this in your life. I too have treatment-resistant OCD. It has been a living hell at times, for stretches so long that this last time around it has changed me and 97% of the time I believe that this is as good as it's going to get for me anymore, and spend most of my time trying to create ways to protect myself for the duration of my life when things 'get bad' again. (It comes and goes for me, but when it comes, it stays for a long time.) I hope you find a way.

[ChipperMonkey]

I want to encourage you to keep on pushing forward, looking for new types of treatment and trying new medications. Sometimes its a matter of finding a lesser known type of treatment or *one* medication (out of the many psych meds available) that can help you. This is literally how it was for me. I am diagnosed with PTSD (it is severe), but I have always said that it is my obsessive thoughts that are the worst (I am not diagnosed with OCD). I hope it is OK for me to say this here even though I am undiagnosed. (I have a friend who has OCD and the type and severity of our thoughts is very similar, so I know what it is like to have uncontrollable thoughts.) I've tried so many different medications and there has only been one that has ever been able to stop my obsessive thoughts. I don't want you to give up. You may be treatment resistant, but I think you are far from being un-treatable. Sometimes it just takes a little longer before we find what works for us. I wish you the best.

[gtripoli]

Originally Posted by MattMVS7

Therefore, since that got rid of those words since they no longer apply, that got rid of the thought.

Getting rid of the thought is not a good goal to have. Finding an answer that makes an OCD thought go away is just preparing yourself for your next obsession. You have to come to terms with the fact that you will never have the perfect answer. Live with that uncertainty. Stop trying to find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow... it doesn't exist.

The more you react to a troubling thought, the more power it will have over you. Controlling or neutralizing the thought will only give you short term relief. Working on not giving any meaning to every thought you mind generates will be the only really healthy way to start recovery.