[Eevee]

I really just need someone to listen. I've probably spent probably 5 hours a day just doing my checking rituals (which involves looking up pretty much everything on Google) for the past couple of weeks. I'm losing out on time spent with the people I care about. I'm probably going to be late to my job training because I'm sitting in a Subway on my phone, going back through searches and meticulously picking then apart, making sure there's no search results related to my fear (which is encountering child pornography online). Sometimes i need to do my checks multiple times. A lot of time I'll have to look up the suggestions Google brings up, too, and then I need to pick those apart. And the worst is the couple of times I have stumbled upon bad things -- I feel awful and nauseous thinking about it. This is stealing my life and my sanity. My compulsions are uncontrollable at this point. I feel physically sick. I've lost all desire to live, not in a suicidal way, but in a "I want to lock myself in a room and never, ever leave" way (and I'm normally an extrovert). If anyone has advice, please give it to me. I've never felt so helpless.

[Travelinglady]

Hi, Eevee! Are you getting professional help for your OCD? If not, then it's time to get a therapist. Okay?

[Miswimmy1]

I completely understand what you are feeling. I was suffering from severe OCD a few years ago to the point where I was staying up all night, obsessing and compulsing. I was so miserable that I actually became as you describe- not suicidal but so depressed that I didn't want to do anything. I just want to tell you that there is hope. You won't feel like this forever if you get help.

I have a few suggestions. Get a self-help book on OCD. "Talking back to OCD" is a good one. It's written with the intention of helping kids with OCD but the skills that it teaches are applicable to people of all ages. Next, you need professional help. OCD is a monster to get rid of on your own. Because of the fear aspect, it is very hard to find the motivation to resist whatever OCD is telling you, regardless of how miserable you are and how much you want to get rid of it. You need another person to hold you accountable and push you when you mentally and physically can't push yourself. Ask your GP for a recommendation for a good psychologist and a good psychiatrist. You specifically need a therapist who is certified to treat OCD. Many therapists have experience with the disorder but only select therapists actually do EX/RP therapy (which is a kind of behavior therapy that is used to treat specifically OCD). I made the mistake of becoming attached to a therapist that didn't specialize in EX/RP and it made my life a nightmare. A psychiatrist can prescribe medication to lessen the severity of the anxiety. I know many people are against taking medication but I'm telling you, medication really helps. It makes it so that the anxiety is bearable enough to even do the EX/RP therapy. Once you start making progress, you can wean off the medication if you choose. I highly suggest you talk to your psychiatrist about medication. I had success on Anafranil and Luvox. Lastly, if things are so bad that you need immediate help, I would look into residential treatment facilities. I spent seven weeks at Rogers Memorial Hospital in Wisconsin. I did intensive EX/RP and being in a predictable, therapeutic setting where I didn't have to focus on anything else (like homework, making my meals, washing my laundry, etc.) really helped me get the OCD symptoms under control.

I really hope you can get some professional help. I know how much OCD sucks. PM me if you want to talk to someone or have any questions.

[Eevee]

I am getting back into therapy and medication (I'd taken Prozac previously, but I'm now on Zoloft -- only been on it for three weeks so still waiting to see how it goes). I've thought about residential treatment programs, but it's never been bad enough that I've needed that. I'm scared it's going to get that bad, though. I'm really hoping the medication kicks in soon. My symptoms just keep getting worse, and I'm getting impatient.

[Miswimmy1]

I want to warn you of one thing. I used to go about thinking that way too- it's not bad enough to go into residential treatment. But it was. I just couldn't see it. I would talk about it with your therapist because many times, you are unable to see the severity of your situation. It's not you're fault- the OCD clouds judgment. I didn't want to go to residential but it was much needed. Looking back, I should have gone so much sooner. But I kept waiting it out- waiting for various medications to kick in, waiting for therapy to help, waiting for things to get "bad enough". Don't wait until you are so depressed that they have to stabilize you in residential before they can get started on OCD work. I'm speaking from personal experience.

[Gus1234U]

reluctant as i am to post links to professional papers on meds, i think these can lead to more understandable, commercial articles. there is a growing use of an old med that was originally used to treat tuberculosis, and was found to have a positive effect on memory acquisition. further research found that it enhanced the effects of therapeutic intervention in panic, ptsd and OCD, possibly because it increases the brain's ability to absorb new information, or form new habits.

if, as with me, do not get any relief from SSRI's, it might be reasonable to show some of this information to your Pdoc and see if you are a candidate for its use.

d-cycloserine ocd - Google Scholar

personally, i found my 'cure' thru a binaural (2 ears) auditory (sound) therapy called Holosync, which is marketed in many forms, but therapeutically only by CenterPointe.com.

best wishes~
Gus

[Eevee]

Thanks for all the help, everyone! c: I went to my doctor earlier today, and they said the meds usually take a little while longer to kick in. They gave me Ativan to take during really intense episodes to reduce anxiety until the Zoloft takes effect. I've been a little better today. I'll keep you all updated!