[canagirl]

i need advice or something i don't even know. maybe just a place to vent so here goes, this may be long!

i've been with my boyfriend for almost 7 months, but have known him almost 3 years. we actually dated once before for only a couple of weeks though. i was extremely upset when we broke up. we ended up getting back together about 6 months later and have been together since then. i noticed right away that i didn't experience butterflies around him anymore. also important to note we work together so i see him 2-5 times a week depending. so i started googling things like, "no more butterflies in relationship" and of course read the usual triggering things such as it means you should break up, you don't like him anymore. i panicked but realistically thought "well it's normal to not feel crazy about someone when you're around them often." so those thoughts went away. the end of november 2014 they came back and will not leave my mind. i was hooked on things like "do we have enough chemistry?", "he's kind of skinny maybe he's not attractive enough to me", "i don't think i love him" just all these things! we have a perfectly healthy loving relationship. i realize things have gotten routine lately. we've been working a lot. but it scares me to have these thoughts. i want to love him. then i see things like, "you can't force love" and it terrifies me! what if i don't love him? i love spending time with him, he's so easy to talk to, i trust him 100%, we share core values, despite how i feel sometimes i know he's attractive, we have similar interests but different enough in ways to keep it interesting. so what is wrong? i have noticed seeing relationships on facebook, instagram, wherever is super triggering because i feel like i'll never feel the love they have. i know deep down love is NOT A FEELING but i still worry i can't feel love. it scares me because we haven't been together thaat long so why am i feeling this way? sheryl paul's website has been super helpful but i can't shake this. i actually broke up with him the other night and got extremely worried i didn't feel sad. i thought, well i must not love him if i feel like a weight has been lifted or i'm not crying. i ended up texting him back saying i regret it. i'm so thankful he is so patient and understanding with me. i've told him my worries and he reminds me each time "love is not that butterfly effect." i know checking feelings is a sure way to not feel feelings at all but i'm always thinking when i kiss him did i enjoy that? or if i hug him, do i feel love?

i'm not convinced i have ROCD but i have so many symptoms. then i get scared thinking i've talked myself into these symptoms?! it's probably worth noting i used to have really bad health anxiety. i was in the hospital several times a week afraid i had cancer, blood clots, anything. i feel that's so similar to this. in both situations i was obsessed with googling things. with my health anxiety it was googling symptoms and different illnesses and with this it's googling thongs about love. i'm obsessed with worrying it was infatuation that didn't turn to love. i'm going away for 3 weeks in april and i read that infatuation love fades with distance and i'm scared i'll feel even less for him when i come back

i don't really have any other OCD symptoms? sometimes i do think horrible thoughts or i actually remember playing this game when i was younger where i'd throw a ball in the air and if i didn't catch it someone i know would die? i of course had to keep trying to catch because i didn't want them to die. i feel i fit more with obsessive.

i think i'm so scared because he's honestly someone i could see myself with for the rest of my life. when i had that thought, worrying followed. any advice? anyone?

[CANDC]

Canagirl, welcome to Psych Central (PC). Sorry to hear you are feeling so upset about your relationship.

Do you have a therapist or psychiatrist that can help in some way?

There are forums on OCD that might be of interest
OCD and Trichotillomania - Forums at Psych Central

and articles
Psych Central - Trusted mental health, depression, bipolar, ADHD & psychology information.

[healingme4me]

I feel like you've touched upon something important with the use of the expression'infatuation love'.
Is that what gives butterflies? When I think of butterflies, I think of jitters and adrenaline.

I really find it's important to just enjoy and 'be' in the moment. Measuring what is love by another's yardstick does no relationship any good.

A pros cons list can help. And the tug of war with breaking up getting back only fuels adrenaline, and it's not a fair treatment of another.

Could you see a t about your ocd concerns?

Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk

[kindheartedxo]

Hi canagirl, I am currently going threw some of the exact same things as you and it is very difficult and terrifying. What i have learned going threw this is if you love someone that is all that matters and love should not be rushed. It should be patient and kind. Only time can tell. Thinking about the " what if's" all the time will ruin you and make you sick. Just take it day by day step by step . Overthinking and having automatic thoughts could lead to OCD . I have read lots about it and seems you are suffering from something similar to me . You are not alone in this ! Sometimes space and time to yourself is good to think and see how you really feel. But space can help and do alot for your relationship for both you and him. But you dont always need to break up as soon as you have these thoughts !There is many other ways of handling problems in a relationship ! Your scared and nervous so you panic . Dont let it get the best of you . When this happens try to relax its important you relax and calm yourself so you can think clear.Also it may help if you start being around friends/family/ go out / might give you different perspective and help a lot ! Maybe not seeing each other in person for a couple days or a week could help you guys ? For me I honestly think it helps a lot I have been threw it and it does help! Me and my bf do it sometimes and its a lot better . We stay in touch or talk on the phone then start to see each other in person again after couple days or a week. Sometimes men and women need space rather being single or taken. Time for yourself is always good also . Everyone needs their own time for them to once in a while. This could help save your relationship. Looking up things will not maybe try to force yourself to stop reading things that could be affecting your situation also. Try not thinking always and just do. Don't think just do what you feel. Follow your heart.If none of this helps maybe go see your doctor . Sorry for your hard time in your relationship I hope it gets better and I wish you the best of luck!!! If.you need to talk I am always here ! You can message me if you need ! Don't be shy!