[briseus]

Hi everyone,

I am new here and just looking for a bit of support. I am not sure if this is the correct thread...but am pretty confident that it is.
I have not been diagnosed with OCD but am 110% confident that this is what I suffer from. I have suffered from ROCD, Harm O, SchizoOCD, False Memory OCD...and just...general urges...now I am going through a panic attack where my head is trying to tell me that I'd be better off dead and that frightens me to no end because I don't want to die or off myself...so I guess suicide OCD? Which I have suffered from before but....it usually only lasts a few days.
I feel sick to my stomach....I recently lost my job....and have all this time to myself...I still am actively seeking work....but I hate being alone with these thoughts...my anxiety and stress is through the roof and I self-medicate with alcohol. I know that doesn't help the OCD or stress in the long term...but it does for those few moments...I don't know why I am so freaked out right now. I just feel like I need to crawl out of my skin.
I have been suffering with this since 2010....that period of time was pretty bad....but I was able to get through it...and now all of a sudden it seems like it's coming full circle...and worse.
I am constantly obsessing about my past or what I did as a kid...and feel so guilty...and then I obsess about the future...and how afraid of it I am.
I can't stay in the moment....I want to cry...disappear...I dunno. I just want to get through this and be happy again.

I really just needed to vent. I am seeing a counsellor....and will be seeing a psych....
Just today is not good. And just needed a bit of support.
Thank you for listening/reading.

Briseus

[gayleggg]

I'm sorry you are having a rough day. I, too, have issues with obsessing about the past, leading to guilt and shame, so I understand how hard it is to deal with. I'm glad you are seeing a counselor. Hopefully, the counselor with help show you ways to cope with this and to understand how it is faulty thinking. Distorted thinking causes me all kinds of problems and I need someone to help me realize how much it is hurting me and to help me turn it around in my head. You might want to read about distorted thinking and techniques to help turn it around so you won't feel so bad.

Here is a link that explains these distortions:
10 Distorted Thinking Patterns : Sources of Insight

If you are already familiar with them please disregard, but I find them to be a direct cause of pain in my life. I'm only a little OCD, but these thought patterns can afflict anyone. I hope you find help with your new psychiatrist, too.

The other thing I do to help with anxiety is breathing exercises, such as the following:
Take a deep breath in through your nose to the count of 4.
Hold your breath to the count of 7.
Exhale through your mouth to the count of 8.

I do this 10 times to relieve anxiety symptoms. It takes practice.

Take care Briseus.

[briseus]

Thank you Gayle for taking the time to write me.
You are absolutely right about the distorted thinking. I deal with that in every area of my life. I have low self-esteem/confidence...there are oftentimes that I hate myself. The OCD just drives me crazy...and there are times I feel like I will never get out of this hole.
Thank you for the link and I will be sure to check it out.

I do try the breathing exercises and oftentimes become too aware of breathing. And it exacerbates my anxiety but I think I need to learn how to master it.
Maybe that is my problem.
I also need to learn something about meditation.
I know that drinking does help the entire situation....but honestly...when those intrusive thoughts come into play.....and I have a drink...it stops it.

I am doing a little better.
I need to keep busy....keep reading and learning about this illness...and get help.
All steps which I am taking....I just want to be happy again.

Thank you again Gayle.