Confused and I would like help.

Because of my family and financial situation, I have been unable to go to a therapist or psychologist outside of what my highschool offers. This usually is just fine to me, I usually don't mind. However I have been very confused about myself and I have been trying to figure myself out.

Lately I have been suspecting I might or might not have OCD. I'm really unsure and, while I don't have anything against self-diagnosis, it makes me anxious thinking that I might be looking too far into things sometimes.

I know for a fact I have some kind of anxiety disorder. I'm an overall anxious and nervous person. I also know that OCD is a form of anxiety. I never really considered myself to have this before because I know how much of a serious disorder this is.

A youtuber who is my idol once spoke out about his experience with his actual OCD, and I really related to it, but it was nothing like I learned in classes. He described his symptom with an example like "I kept myself from going outside. Because if I went outside, I would see my ex girlfriend, and if I saw her, I thought a bunch of other horrible things would probably happen."

I have the same feeling as this! But when I heard this story, I thought nothing of it. However, lately I've been getting more and more stressed out to the point of physical pain and panic attacks. (I'm shaking as I'm typing right now!!!) A recent example would be: I lost a grey beanie with two of my favourite pins on it. I keep looking every day at school at both of the lost and founds they have. I looked everywhere I could possible be. I start worrying that someone I am not fond of found it, took it knowing it was mind, and kept it just to spite me. I started crying because I feared that I would have to confront this person.

I visit my school Social Worker often, and today I read her DSM. I looked up OCD and at the diagnosis page. I'm pretty sure I have all of the symptoms of obsession, since I do tend to violently worry over small things and can't stop thinking about it. But I'm unsure whether or not I have the compulsive part?

I know that people's compulsions differ from person to person, and it can be anything. However, how do I know whether or not what I'm doing is a compulsion or not? I'm thinking of composing a list of things I do every day when I have school and when I don't have school. I'm not sure whether or not that would help, though. I still am going to see my social worker again just to make sure.

Research is very hard for me because I just can't focus on reading for long periods of time, but I did read the OCD entry in the DSM, and the Obsession-Compulsive Personality Disorder, and a bit of the wiki page of Primarily (or Pure) Obsessional OCD. So far, the last two doesn't seem to fit me.

I feel like I really NEED to know whether or not I have OCD or not. I want to know whether or not I'm not overthinking or not. I guess you could say I'm having obsessive thoughts over this, and it's just causing so much distress.

Thank you, for anyone, in advance who is reading this or is replying to this!!! Sorry if this is a long read.

Hello dirkstrider, welcome to Psych Central.

Many people have OCD tendencies, it only becomes a problem when it starts to take over your life. Yes anxiety and OCD go together. Let me explain, anxiety is about fear and it is a dreadful feeling when having a panic attack or having a general feeling of panic all day long so... what happens with OCD is that the person will find something to make the anxiety feel safer.

For example someone is consumed with a fear of germs getting on them which brings up all the awful symptoms of anxiety - racing heart, can't think straight, sweating, on edge etc so the person might wash their hands, this then makes them feel better for a while but then that fear returns about the germs and again the ritual of hand washing is repeated. So the OCD action is done to alieviate the fear and make it feel safe. But you can see where this is going right? Ultimately you need to deal with the anxiety.

@Pegasus

I understand a bit better, thank you. (And thank you for welcoming me as well.)

My main problem is how I know whether or not the things I do to try to calm myself is just normal way of coping or actual OCD actions. I have been explained to that these OCD actions may disrupt me from my life in some sort of way.

Things I have been able to think of are internet usage whether it be on my laptop or my phone (I spend many of my hours on this and I do feel like it's keeping me from other activities I could be or should be doing), listening to music (which I feel is normal, but it is something a friend suggested), or pre-planning/making lists in my head.

I don't know whether these can be considered the compulsiveness or just ways to cope.

And I honestly don't really know how to deal with my anxiety that will get better results other than just calming me down for a short moment.

Thank you again for replying, for awhile there I wasn't sure if anyone was going to reply.

Yes the OCD action is a way to cope and then it can become all consuming. If you can get treatment for the anxiety then the OCD actions will settle down too.

I don't suffer from OCD myself but I do a lot of research on different disorders like OCD, schizophrenia, anorexia and so on because I'm quite a hypocodriac and from what I've read you appear to be suffering from some sort of anxiety disorder. Maybe you should tell your social worker about this and you can maybe figure it out together? Stay stong, hugs

the only person who can diagnose you is a doctor, i would really suggest finding a pdoc and seeing if you qualify for the criteria.

it does sound like you might have generalised anxiety disorder, not OCD, as you fit the description perfectly.