[Maven]

My OCD is getting worse, and I'm having a lot of trouble controlling it. I know it all started with me feeding the cats outside, but what really pushed it was bringing them inside. The first one was because she got injured, and we had to take care of her. She recovered, and even went back outdoors much of the time.

I love all my cats, but I fell in love with the second one and brought him in. He's very affectionate, and that is horrible for my OCD. The first one had kittens recently, so there's three more starting to run around.

I want to handle them all, petting and hugging them, but my OCD won't let me do that without a detailed handwashing. And if any part of their bodies touches my upper arms (or face or neck), it takes a more busy amount of washing, and more difficult. I do pet them, but not as much as I'd like or they'd like, and it always means more washing. I want things to go back to before the cats. I hate saying that. I hate OCD and I'm so tired.

My boyfriend is getting super-attached to the kittens, and told me he sometimes thinks of keeping one. As an animal lover, I'd love that. But as someone with OCD, I just feel overwhelmed.

I don't know when my next pdoc appointment is (but it shouldn't be long; six months since my last visit), but I'm sure he will recommend adding another med. I will probably go ahead with it, even though I don't want to be on more meds. They take so much from me.

I have conflicting feelings regarding the cats. I want to find all of them homes (including the indoor cats), but I love them and would miss them terribly. And I hate to put them through losing the people they love. It would be best for my OCD if they weren't here. The cat hair drives me insane, and my OCD is on constant alert.

I really made a hideous mistake when I started feeding the cats. AND I KNEW BETTER! I knew what starting this kind of thing could lead to. I am so stupid! 😭

[CANDC]

I don't know if it will make you feel any better, but someone else I know had cats and dogs and an animal door. The animals used it and all was well.
One night she went into the living room and there was a wild skunk. Fortunately it did not spray. But that would have been worse than cats I bet!

Sorry you are struggling with OCD. Glad to hear you have an appointment coming up.

Some people at PC will find a therapist will help them sort out the roots of their life. Some people use the forums and chat as a way to express their inner turmoil and find people of like mind.

There are articles that go into more detail about coping with OCD
Psych Central - Search results for Coping with OCD

After 5 posts the Chat room is open either for moderated chats Forums at
Forums at Psych Central - Calendar
or open chat.

Please feel free to private message any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

[Maven]

Thanks. I find the forums more helpful most of the time. I know a huge help would be to give up the cats, but I'm attached, and my boyfriend is attached, so it's not something I can simply choose myself to do. If we had a cat door, all the cats outside that aren't so shy would be coming in, too! LOL! I love them, but it's my boyfriend's house and he wouldn't put up with that, even if I was okay to do that.

Hopefully, if my pdoc gives me another med, it will help, but I've been on more meds before, and they didn't improve my OCD. OCD-wise, I'd improve by not having the cats anymore, but I love them, and so does my boyfriend. I guess we'll see what happens as we deal with it.

are you seeing a T?

[Maven]

I have a pdoc. I've had psychologists, psychiatrists, and even a hypnotist since I was first diagnosed with panic disorder (10) and OCD (14). It's just been pills and questions about how I'm doing.

[Maven]

I'm 47, BTW.

[avlady]

it doesn't sound to me to be mentally healthy to keep these cats for you. i know you mean well, i love cats too, i have one, but if it is doing what it is doing to you i would say to not have them in the house. you must be sufferring having to wash so much.

[Maven]

I agree, but my boyfriend doesn't want to give them up and would resent me if I asked him to do that. Right now, our male cat is outside (the weather is okay), because part of me needs the break, and because my boyfriend fell asleep and wouldn't wake up when I rang his phone, to ask him to bring the cat in and to my room so the mama cat won't chase him. He'll come in for me, usually, but I can't carry him safely to my room. I'm in bed, which is easier for me to let my boyfriend get him, rather than me having to dance around to get back in bed without him touching me. I love to love and pet him, but my OCD is stronger, and drowns out the pleasure.

On top of that, the kittens are now very active and they climb up our legs, the couch, and whatever they can, which makes avoiding them pretty much impossible. We want them to be petted and spoiled, so they'll be more adoptable, but every time I handle them, I go through a lot of extra washing just to feel clean again. And since there's cat hair everywhere, especially my bed, I don't really feel completely clean anymore.

I'm sorry for going on like this. I'm just mentally and physically worn out. And it had me crying last night because I LOVE my babies so much, and this god-awful disorder takes my enjoyment from me.