[BlueCrustacean]

So, without going into specifics, there's this famous guy I'm really infatuated with, and have been for a few years now. I go through phases of being obsessed with a male celebrity and thinking about them almost 24/7, ESPECIALLY when I wake up in the morning. It can get almost exhausting at times. This newest guy, in particular, is a musician who years ago wrote some really intensely emotional, heartbreaking songs about a divorce he went through, and even though he's married now and he seems to be extremely happy and successful, I can't help but fantasize about the old drama, making up stories about fights/arguments/crying/stuff like that. All the time. It's almost like an emotional outlet for my own angst and feelings of loneliness, even though I've never been in a relationship. I was crying about it today.

I know it's absolutely insane, his personal life is absolutely none of my business, especially something so far in the past and over now, but the music is so painfully real in expressing that emotion that it's almost toxic to me, so now I'm avoiding the music, but the obsessive drama fantasies/thoughts don't go away. I try thinking about other things, positive thoughts, get other songs stuck in my head, or at least happier thoughts about his current life if I can't stop thinking about him in general, but it's difficult to stop the train.

It's gotten worse recently, especially since I decided that immersing myself in the music and reading the lyrics would help me "confront" it and then forget about it. Big mistake. It ended up making me feel suicidal. So now I'm crawling back out of the dark hole and trying to move on and think about other things.

Thoughts?

[avlady]

there are groupies everywhere for musicians, i think their music creates feeling for them in us. i used to love Elton John, i was a groupie, i even did get to see him in concert. i kind of got over him as the years went by and heard every song several times i got sick of them. just a thought here.

[divine1966]

One thing is to enjoy particular artists work but the other is to think 24/7 and feel sick over it or suicidal about it. I am sorry.

Are you in therapy.? There are many good people out there you can connect in real life.

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[BlueCrustacean]

I tried a therapist, and it didn't work out for me. I can't afford therapy. I have no health insurance. The last therapist I went to, our first session was all about small talk, and I wanted to get to some meaty things to actually help my situation, especially considering how little I can afford sessions in the first place. At the end, after I got at least a little concerns in, she got on this big trip of telling me what to do, giving me a homework assignment of writing down 10 things I like about myself and creating a piece of artwork about my feelings (I'm an artist) to show her by next session. She's like "DO this. Write it down. You got it? Will you do it and show it next session?" She was friendly, but her whole tough-talk ego trip attitude of telling me what to do like that felt condescending and silly, so I decided to get back at her and send my own little F you by cancelling the therapy and not going back. I did at least write down 10 things I like about myself, before deciding to stop the next appointment.

Besides, I KNOW this obsession is unhealthy, and what I'm asking is how to stop it.

[Holiday1212]

This has happened to me before. I won't even mention the celebrity's name because it's rather tragic. I did get over it though. I think it was my form of escapism. I just got busy and the obsession faded over time.

[WuWei]

I know what you're going through, having been there before and I still am, only not as serious anymore. I'm not a psychologist or anything, but what you're describing sounds like limerence. Google search it, there's a lot of info about it on the web. It's basically a debilitating crush that lasts way longer than what an unrequited crush should last (over two to three years, generally) that goes beyond what is considered a healthy neurophysiological reaction to someone we find attractive.

There are people who are "serial limerents," who experience this with different people from adolescence to late adulthood, and it can severely, negatively affect one's life, as one can imagine. It's like a drug addiction in many ways. Even if this is the only time you've experienced limerence, it sounds severe enough to seek therapy. The cause is usually a result of low self-esteem, relationship with parents growing up, and genetics. So while I know how much you're suffering, there is hope.

The most important thing for you right now, I think, is to learn about it, find a GOOD therapist for yourself or at least seek e-help if you still have no insurance, and remind yourself of your good qualities and connect with people around you. One of the biggest reasons many of us become infatuated with celebrities is because we don't have enough healthy, personal relationships, and our brains really need them in order to function well.

There's also something called "Erotomania," but I don't know enough about your experience to say that's what it is. Erotomania is like limerence, only it usually involves relentless fantasies and even delusions about a famous person and their (perceived) relationship to us. You seem to have too much self-awareness for this to be the case, although you may have some symptoms of it. Please don't feel guilty or ashamed about it, what you're experiencing is more common than you think, you're not alone. I'm a serial limerent, but I've improved greatly with help. I hope you're okay, and I hope to hear back from you soon.

Hope and keep busy.