[belle15]

Hello everyone,

I will start with I have been sick for a few years now. My issues are very complex but one of the most troubling of my condition is the intrusive thoughts. Since I have been unwell I dated someone about 6 months ago for around 1 year which made my condition much worse. He emotionally abused me and was just a sick perverted individual. He was addicted to pornography and would use me for sex and constantly say vulgar sexual things to me. I was too weak at the time to break free but I finally did putting a restraining order on him.

The intrusive thoughts are still there now at such a high intensity I am already suicidal but feel even more so because of the relationship with him. I have horrible thoughts constantly about him that I don't want to even repeat because they are so violent and disturbing. I feel like a psychopath. What do I do? I have tried every medication out nothing helps. I have tried counseling psychotherapy. I am on medication at the moment Seroquel, lamictal, zolpiclone for sleep.

I am put off men now also because I think they are all like him and just the trauma of the relationship has me so disturbed. I don't think anyone can help

[Skeezyks]

Hello belle15: I'm sorry you have had this disturbing experience. There are two things in your post I want to comment on. First is your statement that you don't think anyone can help you. There is a sense in which this is absolutely the case. Ultimately, the only person who can help you... is you. You are going to have to, in some way, find the strength to do what you must do in order to heal. I understand how difficult that can be. But it is the truth.

The second thing I want to comment on is with regard to your comment that you "tried counseling psychotherapy." I don't know how long a period of time you tried it for. But there is a sense in which therapy is not something to be tried & discarded if it doesn't seem to be working. For it to work, it is something you have to commit to come hell or high water, as the saying goes. If one therapist doesn't seem to be the right fit for you, then find another one... and yet another if necessary until you find the right one for you. And then give it your all. However, under any circumstances, trying it & stopping is not the answer.

Now I will tell you that I personally have seen a few therapists for brief periods of time over the years & never got much out of it. So I'm not a person who is particularly enamored with therapy. But there are some particular circumstances in my situation that make it unlikely I would ever have found a therapist who could help. This however is my shortcoming, not the fault of therapy. In my case, what I have done is to adopt the "self-help" (so to speak) practices that are taught within the Buddhist tradition. (And by the way, I've made two serious bids to end my life plus some other stuff. So this is serious business for me.) However, not everyone wants to try to heal from their mental health struggles by becoming Buddhists! The mainstream approach to healing from the types of mental health problems you are struggling with is therapy. But you & only you can make it work for you. That is, from my perspective, the bottom line. So I send warm hugs your way with the hope that you will be able to find the strength within to heal...