[LoganJoan]

23 (female),

I'm dealing with a very toxic family, they always break me down, always hold me back, always bring up my downfalls, and get mad at me when ever I try to do something good for myself. They break me down, bring up the fact that I have no friends, and no one will ever like me and that I'm nothing like the rest.

& I've been depressed my whole life because of it. I'm moving to North Carolina with my aunt and uncle in about 2 weeks. I'm just so scared of getting my life together. I'm afraid to feel, I'm afraid to do normal things and feel good about myself. I was called ugly by my family, all the time. But people also called me pretty often too! The kids in school also called me ugly too. Therefore, I was confused on how to feel about myself.

I just always grew up obsessing over what people were thinking about me. & I think of my future and think of how I want kids, friends, and a career and just create a life for myself. And I think about how they will laugh at me and try to down me for wanting and one day having those things?

Does this make me crazy? How do I stop thinking about this and move on?

[Skeezyks]

Hello LoganJoan: No, this does not make you crazy... absolutely not! Hopefully, just getting away from what sounds like a toxic environment may be ever so helpful. However, if you find yourself continuing to struggle then some individual therapy may be the best solution for you.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[MusicLover82]

It sounds like you have gone through the trauma of emotional abuse. Have you gotten an official diagnosis from a psychiatrist or psychologist? It sounds like you need counseling to work though the issues.

It is NOT your fault that you feel this way. Most people who have gone through abuse blame themselves. You are not to blame. It is now your responsibility as an adult, however, to start caring for yourself emotionally and filling yourself with positive thoughts and positive actions. Start counseling, start an exercise program, do some art or music, get in a support group, find friends you can talk to that you trust, join a church or other supportive organization, etc, just to name a few ideas (if you aren't doing them already).

Your family sounds like the problem, not you. You may not have any serious mental problems after all, except surviving abuse. But if you feel a great amount of distress, you need to see a psychologist or psychiatrist ASAP to get a formal diagnosis.

HUGS!!