[lori5780]

I have been doing experiential ocd work with my therapist and it is so hard. For homework, I have to do it at home too in between sessions. My anxiety is so high now. I know coping skills to help my anxiety but I hate feeling this way. It is a lot of work to get well. I feel so shameful and embarrassed to talk about my ocd symptoms to others. I have the pure o where I mostly just obsess. I don't have many compulsions, but some. I worry over things that in others eyes, looks like it should not be a big deal. I need to get over my shame of the ocd. I know its not my fault and it is a glitch in my brain but still I feel shame. I need to not worry about others thoughts about me. Does anyone understand how I feel?

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Hey lori5780

Im really sorry your feeling this way. I too have OCD which centres mainly around obsessions rather than compulsions. Your right it is a lot of work to get well, but the results are so worth it. It certainly seems like you need more help opening up more to others - have you thought of maybe joining a support group if you don't already or discussing the issue at greater length with ur therapist? Your right its not your fault - but you don't have to feel alone, feel free to pm me anytime if you just wanna chat. And remember - other peoples thoughts are exactly that - you have no control over them, so as hard as it is, just try and let them be with their thoughts. If i find myself reflecting on what someone has said to me in a negative way or im trying to summize what someone else might be thinking i say to myself: 'those were Sharons (for example) thoughts, mine are different and thats ok,' or 'i thought Sharon was angry with me but i can't be certain because im not her or i didn't ask her.' I know these little affirmations might sound simple or obvious but try bringing yourself back into reality and seperating what you thought happened to what actually happened if you see what i mean, you might not find it helpful but its worth giving it a go if you haven't already. Good luck and remember you can vent all you want on here - we're all ears

[toesquasher]

There is serious shame surrounding my OCD. You are not alone. The nature of my obsession and what I do to deal with it is very embarrassing.........Just wanted you to know you're not alone.
Toesquasher

[**Flutterby**]

You aren't alone...I definitely feel shame about my OCD. Part of my obsession is with germs, or cleanliness, so I wash my hands a lot. Pretty often, they get so dry from being washed all the time that they crack and bleed. It's hard to watch people stare at me when I'm in public because of the way my hands look, and even harder to try and explain.

[sunshineanxious]

I feel shame to. I am bipolar too, and have mostly Pure-O.

It's funny because when I'm manic, I'll do a lot of stuff that's sort of embarrassing like driving with a little of alcohol in my brain or being too talkative, talking down to people in small ways. AND I FEEL LESS ASHAMED OF THAT THAN MY PURE-O THOUGHTS.

It's funny because my Pure-O thoughts are not something I would ever do, and I too know it's just a mess in brain circuits. I still am afraid to mention the specific content of my OCD - like I can say to my mom: "I have obsessions now" but wouldn't like to say what they're about.

I think you have to systematically cut them off from your self-perception, each time they arrive say: "That thought is just OCD, it has nothing to do with me and I would never act upon it".

I think in a way Pure-O is more invisible than the form with compulsions - when I had compulsions I did them secretly, but still some people show their washing compulsions etc. to the people around. It's even harder to get help for something that just goes on in your mind.

[Cavapoochie]

You're not Alone. I too Have OCD. But try to have OCD when your 11!
I can't help myself, and I don't get enough Motivation to do things. I'm Getting less Motivated each day. I kind of have 'Obsessions' now. I'm known as Cavapoochie to the whole world; so Instead of A Disorder I refer OCD To Obsessive Cavaz Defectiveness. I don't know why, but If i think of OCD As something other than A Disorder, I feel A LITTLE Better. But that Still Doesn't change who I am. If you didn't have OCD, you probally weren't going to BE where you are now. Even though this might sound weird, You should be happy for OCD.
I dunno. That's how I calm Myself Down XD

[bipolarmedstudent]

Yes. I have lots of shame around my hair-pulling and skin-picking.

I also have shame over some of my obsessions. Like I have recurrent intrusive thoughts/images/dreams involving incest with my family members. I know it's not my fault, but it's not really the kind of thing you can openly talk about, you know?

[essexgirl]

Hello Lori, yeah i feel embarrassed too. i feel people will laugh at
me and think i'm a fool so i understand as i feel people judge too much.

[nushi]

Hey Lori & others ♥♥♥ Lori, I'd like you to feel how lucky you are that you're having psychotherapy with a professional doctor... I've got OCD too, & severe PO's that are literally ruining my life that it's even hard for me to read YOUR post without stopping every 2-3 words to obsess about them & make sure they're fully into my mind images!!! & imagine getting that when reading is your favorite thing in the world while you've no friends & you live on your own I've been searching for a psychotherapist where I live for 11 years now to get proper psychotherapy but I couldn't find any, can you imagine that?!! & without getting psychotherapy (which it seems that I'll never find until I go to heaven after I die!!!) I lost everything dear to my heart, & I can't make any normal relations with people (I drive them nuts), that I've lost papa, I left mama & my little sisters & brother & live on my own, haven't got any friends, & just months ago, I fell in love with a guy who reminded me of papa, & we were planning on getting married & my hopes got raised to the stars, but he left just 3 months after we knew each other when my OCD drove him nuts too </3

So however hard it is that you feel while doing psychotherapy, just remember how lucky you are to have got this opportunity to have a trained psychotherapist helping you get control over your life

[Icarion]

I have been dealing with Pure O most of my life. At 43 I had my first real anxiety attack over it - eventually I went to McClean OCD ?Institute for 2 months in Massachusetts. Thes past two weeks have been difficult. I have been told that OCD is caused by deep root of shame or toxic shame where one thinks and believes there is something inherently wrong with oneself. So one feels dirty all the time (hour long showers) or one is self sabotaging (skin picking) or one's mind reacts excessively to bad thoughts because when you feel shameful you feel like you have no defense, your not clean or you deserve destruction. Sometimes, especially with harm OCD, when you have thoughts of harming yourself or others, the thoughts are shame scenarios and are really centered around YOU and not the person (with self harm - its you imploding on yourself) your thoughts are using as the "victim" in your thoughts. This is why your mind picks the ones you most care about as the target because it creates that much more shame. We obsess because we have shame, which means we have no assurance within ourselves to reference so we obsess over thougts because we are constantly checking for a reference and anxiety is a result of not geting the response we want. I really believe shame is the root of OCD.