[Maven]

Short and sweet, because I've got to stop at the store and get home. I know no one will agree, but my OCD is a tangle, and more complicated than most others. If you think that's an excuse, that's fine, but it's what I think. My boyfriend's away again, for the eclipse. People say, "You were fine the last time he went away, and you'll be fine this time." No, I wasn't fine. And I'm not fine now. I didn't mean I wouldn't survive. I meant I'm going through more hell than usual. I want to shut down. I want things clean again. I want a new house and things I can't afford. My new psychologist (still seeing my psychiatrist, too) told me on our last appointment (the second one) I should find a new boyfriend. That's cheating, and there's all kinds of wrong with it. I'm not suicidal, but I'm so depressed. I've never been this depressed for this long. I'm so lonely. Just wanted to say something. Thanks.

[Angelique67]

Hi, maven. I'm sorry to hear that things are worse. I just wanted to say that probably your psychologist meant you should split up from your boyfriend and then find someone new.

[Maven]

Well, I'd told him I have nowhere to go and not much money to live on.

OCD can be a big beast to conquer. Although our struggles are vastly different (yours is more compulsions, mine was obsessions), the best way to defeat this illness is to expose yourself to that which makes you anxious.

From what I have seen of your posts, you are worried about contamination, correct? I'm not sure if you're working on this with your psychologist but maybe coming up with small goals to expose yourself to what you are afraid of can work wonders. Exposure therapy is how I overcame my OCD struggles and I have no doubt that if you forced yourself to face the monster, even slowly and over a long period of time, you would be able to overcome it as well.

I've noticed that you describe your OCD to be more severe than most, complicated, something you can't beat, etc...that mindset will only hinder you and keep you stuck. Have you considered trying exposure therapy (which for you would likely be cleaning the house in small amounts) with your psychologist's guidance?

[Fuzzybear]

[all74]

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through

[Maven]

Originally Posted by scaredandconfused

OCD can be a big beast to conquer. Although our struggles are vastly different (yours is more compulsions, mine was obsessions), the best way to defeat this illness is to expose yourself to that which makes you anxious.

From what I have seen of your posts, you are worried about contamination, correct? I'm not sure if you're working on this with your psychologist but maybe coming up with small goals to expose yourself to what you are afraid of can work wonders. Exposure therapy is how I overcame my OCD struggles and I have no doubt that if you forced yourself to face the monster, even slowly and over a long period of time, you would be able to overcome it as well.

I've noticed that you describe your OCD to be more severe than most, complicated, something you can't beat, etc...that mindset will only hinder you and keep you stuck. Have you considered trying exposure therapy (which for you would likely be cleaning the house in small amounts) with your psychologist's guidance?

No, I can't do a little bit. This is why my OCD is different. I touch one piece of trash on the floor and I'm dirty all over. The shower has stuff in it so that the cats won't pee or poop on it. I am morbidly obese and don't have the energy to clean and shower every day. My bedsheets need to be changed once I get a shower because they are dirty. I can't explain my OCD. I have looked for therapists who do ERP and they don't take Medicare, although the one I just found might do ERP. We're only two sessions in. But again, it won't work in the situation I'm in. Once I'm in a clean situation again, I do much better with overcoming OCD. I understand why you think my OCD is like everyone else's, but I am one of the exceptions. I've spent days dirty, and didn't get better. I got worse. I didn't wash my hands, and it wouldn't go away. I'm going to ask my psychiatrist to increase my meds. Thank you for caring, but I've tried ERP in the past with little success.

[scarlett35]

I suffer from contamination ocd too and know what it's like to feel dirty even after touching one thing. I don't know what to say but hope things turn out for the best for you *hugs*