[JooneBug37]

Recently, being a teenager, I’ve been watching slashers (Friday the 13th, All Through the House (2015)) and other violent movies (Rampage (2009)). I asked myself why I enjoyed these films, and I thought it was because I liked the deaths (in the case of the slashers) and because I just liked the idea of a guy rampaging through a town (Rampage). That same night, I started having a “fantasy” where I rampaged through a neighborhood, invaded people’s houses and destroyed them. I also had a fantasy where I rampaged through a town shooting people. This has scared me a lot, I would NEVER act on these thoughts, and I think the only reason I “enjoyed” them was because I liked the idea of rampaging through a certain location. The only comfort I could find was that violent videogames existed.

However, things got even worse when I started hurting dogs, children and my family in my fantasies. This scared me to no end, as if the last fantasy wasn’t scary enough. All those things above were the subject of my OCD intrusive thoughts a long time ago, but the truly scary thing is that I think I felt a tiny bit of “pleasure” from the thought. When I first had the fantasy, I felt nothing but fear and disgust, but after that, I started feeling pleasure. I’m worried that my fantasies could show the “true” me. Could it be that I’m having these fantasies because I’m “curious” about being a complete monster? Complete Monster - TV Tropes

This has really worried me. I’ve been having panic attacks. Do you think I’m dangerous? Any help would be nice. Are there any advice, comforting thoughts and/or other things you could offer me?

No, I don't think you're dangerous because these thoughts give you immense guilt and cause panic attacks. However, I understand how real it can feel - I've been hospitalized 4 times for intrusive thoughts, and went through some intensive exposure therapy to overcome it. Feel free to PM me if you ever want to chat, vent, or ask any questions. You are not alone, and you are not a monster.

[CluckyBear]

Sometimes intrusive thoughts are normal to have and are somewhat cathartic; it is imagining an act instead of doing an act and the more you try to push the thoughts out can actually make them stick around.

For example, if I tell you not to think of a penguin, you are more likely to think of the penguin.

Maybe it is just your inner primate having skull bashing urges.

Do you have a therapist? If it is really worrying you it could be worth talking to someone about it.

[bunnyhabit]

i hope you discuss this with you therapist because dreams are self conscious desires so may cause actions by you. do you look at family and animals and panic or have recollection of your dream to hurting them?

i killed my dog when i was in my male personality last year and enjoyed feeling

[bunnyhabit]

i have surpressed desire to hurt animals with my T advice to think of my lovers when feeling like hurt animals. i never dreamed hurt people just puppies and kittens slowly hurting till death

[winter loneliness]

Originally Posted by bunnyhabit

i hope you discuss this with you therapist because dreams are self conscious desires so may cause actions by you. do you look at family and animals and panic or have recollection of your dream to hurting them?

i killed my dog when i was in my male personality last year and enjoyed feeling

Bipolar doesn't mean you are 2 different people.

[MickeyCheeky]

I don't think you're a monster; however, I think you need to discuss this with a therapist or doctor.

[bunnyhabit]

Originally Posted by winter loneliness

Bipolar doesn't mean you are 2 different people.

not always, but is a fact in my life

[JooneBug37]

I think these “fantasies” are part intrusive thought. The other part, I think, is a tiny “desire” (for lack of better words) to do so. I mean, games like GTA, where you shoot innocent pedestrians, is popular, so I guess I’m not the only one.

[bunnyhabit]

you are definitely not alone in this fantasy that sometimes pour over to reality if not controlled

[JooneBug37]

Tonight I had an even worse fantasy of shooting dogs. The worst part is that I’m pretty sure I actually enjoyed the thought. I love dogs. I even have one! Why would I like such fantasies!?