What is this?

Well, this started because back in January, I did and did not want to join a forum... but in April, I ended up joining it and then these thoughts started coming and
So I left the forum, the community there was nice but it kinda was for the best so I know kind of miss it, but I told myself I wouldn't go back to it. Now, if I eventually go back to it
Now I have these weird feelings when the thoughts come up, I don't like them or want them, but I don't know if it is pleasure... I just get this weird feeling, it sucks and I don't want it or like it. What can I do about this?
I don't want to harm anyone but now I feel this weird feeling, will it go away? I just want the thoughts gone.
Will ERP help in this case? Or should I just get help from a psychward? I do think moving out might lessen the worry, but these thoughts... I just wish they never happened and I never took them seriously

I'm so sorry you're still struggling with all of this. I don't know if I've read all of your posts. But I've read, & replied to, a number of them. I really think, somehow, you have to find a way to get some professional mental-health help with all of this.

My personal opinion at least is that, while we here on PC can try to be as supportive as possible & want to be, the majority of us are not mental health professionals. And we're not in a position to tell you how to heal from all of the struggles you're having.

You asked if ERP could help. I don't know. Maybe. It is, as I understand it, a first-line treatment for OCD. But I certainly can't say for sure. I recall there was also a book that was recommended to you in another thread you posted. Could getting a copy of that book, & reading it, help? I don't know that either... maybe. But ultimately my personal, non-professional opinion is it's time to seek the services of a mental health professional... either a psychologist, a psychiatrist or a mental health therapist. That, to me at least, is the bottom line here. I hope that, in some way, you can find a way to do that.