[Stardust18]

Hello. I am new here and am seeking advice from anyone who can help. Ok. So my husband has been in the army now for five years and we have been together for four. He was just recently diagnosed with ocd/bipolar. And along with that he is struggling to get over the fact that i was not a virgin before we got married. He saved himself for marriage and although i planned on it as well,i screwed it all up a year before we met and had multiple partners. He thought he could handle it and disregard it all because he loved me and wanted to be with me. So three years after getting married its coming up again and this time with his mental state its so hard for him to get over. For the past week everyday we have talked through it, and thought he had gotten past it but the very next day he brings it up again, gets very upset, we talk through it (meanwhile im feeling this tremendous guilt for doing this to him knowing he did marry me being aware of my past and at times feeling angry that this is even an issue after three years of marriage), and eventually we get past it. I just dont know what to do anymore. He was ready to walk out on me because he felt that on one hand what i did was disguisting but also that he felt as tho i deserved better. He has called me names from ***** to ***** and only realizes sometimes that it hurts me and apologizes. I am so lost. And to top it all off my family and friends live thousands of miles away and he is the only person i have close to me. I just dont know what to do. Please help.

[ickydog2006]

Is he on medication? And is he willing to go to therapy with you or alone? Are you seeing a therapist? Don't try to make it through this on your own.
I hope you are both willing to get help for this. Has he always had these mood swings and called you names like this? Has he gone through something traumatic recently that would cause issues like the premarital sex thing to come up? Being in the military can be really difficult especially when dealing with mental health issues. I know my husband feared going to therapy because of it going on his record. One thing that can help ease these fears is to talk to your T about setting up an appointment for you, but bringing him with you (off record). Also you can get counceling from on base chaplains and I believe that will not go on the record.
My family is across the country too. My husband is Air Force. Feel free to PM me.

[thunderbear]

Don't feel bad about yourself that you were not a virgin before you got married. He needs counseling if he has such a big issue with you having partners in the past. In my opinion, I do not think it is at all right that he has called you a *****. It is very rare, and somewhat unrealistic, nowadays that people save themselves for marriage. You all need to try to get into marriage counseling. Good luck