Does This Sound Like...

...The beginnings of OCD?

Basically, I've been sexually abused 4 times in my life.. 3 of them rape, only 2 of them reported and one of them my adoptive brother sexually abusing me, never actually having sex with me, so not actually raping me.. Right?

i now have an obsession over checking that my curtains are closed before it gets dark, that my window's shut, my expensive equipment (guitars etc) are away, cupboards, drawers and doors are shut. I get into bed feeling ok, then a sudden panic grips me and I have to check the door again and again before I can sleep.. It's my first night back at mine tonight, after a week away. So far I check my door about 5 times.. Which, to me is starting to get worse.. Could this be the beginnings of OCD?

I'm so stuck and confused.. Constantly looking over my shoulder, checking that no-ones walking behind me, constantly making sure I'm not attracting any attention.. The last rape was only about 3 weeks ago and so far I've heard nothing from the police.. Im terrified.. What if, as people living here say (one of them a witness-who lied- and one of them a friend of the witness), they're all out to get me and are going to come and jump me, or get someone to rape me deliberately? i don't know, I'm panicking and I don't know what to do!

Help?

((( ThePainNeverDies ))) Safe hugs to you.

Have you looked into PTSD and hypervigilance? That's what it sounds like to me but I'm far from being an expert.

I'm dealing with something similar (checking my mother's oxygen machine all night to make sure it's working) but that, for me, is more fear-based from traumas due to people suffocating in my past.

oh my god, only 3 weeks ago? 3 weeks is nothing in terms of recovering from such a trauma. whether or not this is something you could call OCD or PTSD or whatever, i really think you should get some help, from a rape crisis center or something. if you're too scared to go then just call them.

you should absolutely feel free to nag the police. a rape case is not like getting some car stereo stolen, it's at the top of the pile, or it should be. you call and nag as much as you want, or get the crisis people to do it for you.

wait, the people living with you are involved with this? can you get out of there? i think you should. I don't know whether or not it's likely that they will be violent towards you, so don't take this as saying your fears are justified. but you are extremely and JUSTIFIABLY uncomfortable, and you should do WHATEVER you think will make you feel better (and doesn't hurt anyone) and it it doesn't work try something else.

that's not the usual advice for OCD, but OCD is about unreasonable fears, and it is by no means clear that you are being unreasonable. you can't judge because of the trauma.

i'm sorry for the caps but this is really worrying to me. please keep in touch. i'm traveling tomorrow but I will be checking in on this.

I've been told that I'm most definately bound to be suffering from PTSD, because of the amount of traumatic things that have happened to me over the past 17 years of my dreary and bleak life..

I feel kinda annoying and like they'd just tell me to eff off if I just kept nagging them about it.. Could that be so? Or is it just an unreasonable fear of mine?

I don't know what to do, last night I didn't sleep until 4am and had to get up at 8 this morning, plus I've run out of meds and can't get any until next Monday.. GAAAHHHH!!

So, feeling very tired, with loads of shopping to do, with a grumbling stomach, but feeling satisfied because of an empty-ish stomach.. :S

I can't go anywhere until staff here decide that they want to move me on form here, until they decide to let me have a flat where I can get a kitten and start to feel better because I will have company that I actually want.. I'm seriously getting obsessed with this whole thing and I can't stop thinking about it..

Everyone expects me to just forget it, my boyfriend expects me to just want sex all the time, like before all this. I mean.. Of course I do want to make love and such, but.. Just flashbacks and such like really get me going and cause him to worry and then I feel bad for panicking and stuff like that.. I remember sitting on the sofa next to him and his Dad walked past and touched my hair, just a playful thing he does. I knew he was going to do it, but I flinched and then had to pretend I was messing about, because Connor's (my boyfriend) Mum looked at me and started laughing. They know nothing about this, which is why I had to cover up and pretend i found it funny too..

Gah! How much longer can I live like this? In constant fear of every move, noise, person, object ever. It's horrid. Everytime someone starts walking behind me, I get scared that they're going to grab me from behind.. Like yesterday, walking into town, a middle - aged man started to walk behind me and I swear he kept staring at me.. I walked faster and faster and eventually, at a crossing, he caught up with me.. I had to let him go in front I was that terrified and just kept looking over my shoulder..

I hate this, I really do.. What can I do?

Why is this worrying you so much as it is? Not meaning to belittle your emotions, as I say that. I'm fed up. Tired. Bored. Stuck. Done. Give Up. I can't take much more, I really can't..

I've been trying so hard to just get on with my life and "carry on as normal" but it seems impossible.