Boyfriend has OCD, relationship problems.

Hi everyone,

I've been with my current boyfriend for over 4 years, and I know that he's had OCD since he was a teenager - I think from about 14-years-old. We are both 22 and university students.

Lately our relationship problems have become more and more severe. He's become controlling, manipulative, emotionally abusive and aggressive. He starts fights over nothing, little things like asking him not to do something will set him off and cause fighting for hours. He thinks about things obsessively and when I went away with my family for a few days he worked himself up into such a state that he went absolutely insane at me about it for days on end. When he's mad he often comes out with completely irrational accusations or things he's mad about that make absolutely no sense to me. He calls me names as "jokes" and then gets mad at me when I get upset. He resents me because we aren't getting along and after he's treated me badly complains when I don't want to be intimate with him and tells me I'm no fun to be around.

Reading this over it makes me feel weak that I'm even still in a relationship that's going this way, but it's not usually like this and we've been together for so long that I feel like if I just wait it out things will get back to normal. If I can stand to do that (and I'm not sure yet that I can) I need some advice in coping with it and dealing with it, how to respond, what to do etc. It's so hard even writing about this, I feel completely isolated and that I have no one I can talk to. I'm not sure the way he's behaving is typical of OCD, but I've read that it often goes in hand with other mental illnesses. He has no rituals that I'm aware of, but I think when he was younger it had to do with contamination stuff.

I know that he's on Anafranil (he tells me it's for other health problems but I've looked up the drug and I'm sure it's a lie, it seems to be for OCD) but the most I've ever seen him take is one per day. He refuses to go back to his psychologist or even a GP, despite both me and his parents asking him to. He says the way he acts has nothing to do with his OCD, that he's just upset.

I would really appreciate any advice in coping with his behaviour and how to act when he begins to work himself up with obsessive thinking. I'm prone to anxiety myself and I'm feeling very anxious and depressed right now. I feel like everything I've built over the past four years has been blown apart by him acting this way in a matter of weeks. I don't understand what's set it all off or what to do.

(((((((((((( Literarygirl )))))))))))))))))))))

I am sorry that you are going through this, have you tried asking your boyfriend what has brought on his recent change? Maybe you could also try explaining how he is making you feel. Maybe you would find therapy helpful for yourself, most schools offer free counseling services to their students, I think that it would help you figure out what is best for you. Please be kind to yourself by doing things that help you relax, it can be as simple as soaking in a bath or reading a book, self care is very important.

I really agree with gimmeice about taking time for yourself! I am in college too and my university has free therapy for all students! I would talk to your bf about how you care for him and want to make things work but only if things can change. Which means you both need to be able to change. Going to therapy will benefit you both greatly. It helps to have a third party who is unbiased and will not take sides. He or she can point out how you both feel and what you both can do, or need to do to fix the relationship. If you really care about eachother it is worth it! My fiance has been very understanding about my OCD but there are times when I feel he resents me for the little things I do, but I cant help them! So i explained to him why I cant help it and so he went online and started doing research (much like you probably are, so thats good!) either way everyone has a different way they cope and I really think that going to couples counseling would help