Am i ocd?

Hi, I have intrusive and obsessive thoughts thoughts thoughts about suicide. I hurt hurt hurt myself sometimes. I dont see a doctor now. Just just just recently, within a couple of days, I have to repeat words three times sometimes it helps helps helps stray the thoughts away. Is this possible OCD? That that that is my question okay. FYI, I am a female in my my my early 30s, married, and no no no kids. I am am am embarassed. Thank thank thank you for your time. Should should should I see a psychiatrist or therapist? I been been been hospitalized a lot involuntarily and and and diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder but but but sometimes they say Bi-Polar. What might be wrong with me me me? I'm so so so very sorry for my behaviors, please please please forgive me okay.

No need to apologize here. We know how difficult life can be with these little 'quirks'. Honestly I don't know if you have OCD although it does sound like you do or have OCD tendencies (indicated by the 'need' to write certain words three times). I was curious, is it just certain words that you do this with or how do you decide what words need repeating? I've never seen anyone with that compulsion (although I'm sure you're not alone). I would talk to a T if I were you though. They would probably be better able to answer your question. But feel free to post here. You are a welcomed addition. Do you have other things you feel like you need to do that most people would not consider normal; and do you feel like they interfere with your life and day to day activities?

My problem is is is mostly in my writing...that's the worst. No method, ritual, or or or reason. If I focus hard enought,nobody who I TALK to to to would know...except when I text message. When I talk I may repeat small words like and and but and to, etc. I don't think it it it is OCD but like an anxiety thing. Like I said, if if if I focus, I get by ok. Thanks for the the the welcome!! You can talk to me me me anytime!