 |
| FAQ/Help |
| Calendar |
| Search |
|
#1
Mar 18, 2005, 07:33 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
My girlfriend says that she feels she needs alone time once in a while, and I don't know if I just didn't understand at the time, but I've talked to her, and as I understand it, it just sounds like she wants time to herself, without having a specific reason (e.g. "I have to get [x] done"; "I want to work on [y] project"). Anyway, I'm not yet sure how to react to it, since things are normal/great when we're together, but I just dont like the feeling that I have to restrict myself in some way (which can make me feel nervous around her or distant from her). Any comments?
|
|
#2
Mar 18, 2005, 07:46 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
I can't speak for your gf but I can relate to needing that time alone. Sometimes to just do nothing you know?
It may have little to do with your relationship and more to do with her personal needs. If things are good when you are together then go with that. At the risk of offending...my advice is respect her needs and give her the time. Why would her needing alone time "once in a while" make you feel "nervous, restricted, or distant"?
__________________
Hello 
|
|
#3
Mar 18, 2005, 08:02 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
It's still good to know you can have freedom while in a relationship. I have never really been in a relationship, but I've watched people in relationships and have listened to people who have had problems and have given them advice. Having that feeling of freedom will enhance your relationship.
|
|
#4
Mar 18, 2005, 08:46 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
For many women, it is important to have "me time". Time to spend just on them. This can be anything from reading to taking a bath. (Oprah talks about this a lot) It doesn't mean she doesn't like you or doesn't want to be around you...she just needs some time for herself. You should take that time for yourself as well. Do something you enjoy, just for you.
Some couples can be together 24/7...personally, I cannot. I need some space to be my own person and be independent. I love my husband...but I enjoy "missing" him when we are apart. I'm a big believer in absence makes the heart grow fonder though.
__________________
“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~ Maya Angelou Karma is a boomerang. Trying to read 52 books in 52 weeks. See how I'm doing |
|
#5
Mar 18, 2005, 08:57 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I can't speak for your gf but I can relate to needing that time alone. Sometimes to just do nothing you know? It may have little to do with your relationship and more to do with her personal needs. If things are good when you are together then go with that. At the risk of offending...my advice is respect her needs and give her the time. Why would her needing alone time "once in a while" make you feel "nervous, restricted, or distant"? </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> That's what she said. I feel positive about it but it reminds me of bad experiences, so I feel muddled. Thanks. |
|
#6
Mar 18, 2005, 08:58 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
It's still good to know you can have freedom while in a relationship. I have never really been in a relationship, but I've watched people in relationships and have listened to people who have had problems and have given them advice. Having that feeling of freedom will enhance your relationship. </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Definitely. I just felt that either of that could have that, and do have it, whenever we want it. But I think I understand more what she means now. I just want to make sure, so I'm not bitter. |
|
#7
Mar 18, 2005, 08:59 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
That is interesting. I didn't believe in the mysteries of women until I ran into some things that I simply didn't understand. I'm more willing to accept that explanation now.
|
|
#8
Mar 18, 2005, 09:03 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Parsifal...I would like to talk to you more but I have to be gone for a couple hours. But if you would like to talk you can pm me and I will get back with you ASAP.
Up to you. Take care. place
__________________
Hello
|
|
#9
Mar 19, 2005, 07:15 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Awe.... alone time....I know exactly what you mean. I love having alone time, it can even happen when your together in the same room. I watch my grandparents, who have an excellent relationship, and i've notice when they clearly are having an unanounced alone time. They just do something private, like reading or writting or playing on the computer, or gardening or something. One minute i'll be hearing them talk and sometimes even talking with them, and the next minute the've gone into alone time mode. I'm always shocked and wondering 'what's going on?' or 'what just happened?'. It's like i'm a biologist studing a forein culture is how i'd describe it. Perplexing and all the same natural....
....but i do have to admit i miss cuddling with that special someone, i've got all the alone time i can handle right now, and I would love to be able to share my time again. sigh. j>l |
|
#10
Mar 19, 2005, 09:33 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Being married for 29 yrs. if hubby and I didn't have alone time we'd probably kill each other, no no seriously, the time we spend away from each other makes the time together better everyone needs their own space, he is my best friend and I know he trusts me
Angie
__________________
 A good day is when the crap hits the fan and I have time to duck. |
|
#11
Mar 19, 2005, 10:27 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
parsifal, I'm glad that you are beginning to understand where your gf is coming from. And I can tell you from experience what the consequesces are of not allowing the person that much needed space. The events of my life have left me with a constant need for reassurace and terror of being hurt. Looking back, this was a major contributing factor in the downfall of my last relationship. When she needed time alone or time to spend with her friends, my insecurities ran wild with visions of her cheating or not coming back, and she soon began to feel smothered. Time alone is a wonderful thing. It can be scarry if you're not used to it, but I'd look at it as time to better connect with yourself. Take this alone time and indulge yourself in something you love to do. I hope things work out for you. Take care.
ryan |
|
#12
Mar 20, 2005, 07:37 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
just cuz she doesn't wanna be around you 24/7 doesn't mean she dosen't love you or like being arround you. For me that's what ruined a relationship for me was being with that person all the time.. we had no other interests and we ended up resenting each other. I think it's healthy for couples to spend time a part at least every other week or so. I think of it as keeping my own interests or doing something so I have something exciting to share with my partner. I actually enjoy long distance relationships more! but that's just my opinion!
|
| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
|
Similar Threads
|
||||
| Thread | Forum | |||
| Boyfriend says he needs more space | Relationships & Communication | |||
| my space | General Social Chat | |||
| Claiming My Space | Survivors of Abuse | |||
My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
Linear Mode
