The real expression of anger

Hi folks,

I would like to pick up a point that Kimmy made in the 'Drug Questions' section, on a thread about alcohol and drugs.

Kimmy said that taking anger out on a pillow isn't much help to her, as there is no result. I agree with this.

I think we have to make a distinction here between the real world and the world of well meaning advice that we sufferers tend to live in. In the real world people do take their anger out on each other. We see it every day, in cars, in shops, at football games, in bars, and sadly in the home.

We are surrounded by endless images of people 'getting even' with each other, usually hero figures such as Bruce Willis and Arnie. This stuff is deep in our culture and our anthropological history. If some guy threatens us in a dark alley, there is a great satisfaction in punching him in the nose and leaving him on the sidewalk. This is the real world.

In this world, the person who constantly bottles up their anger, suppresses it for years and ends up in therapy, punching pillows, is seen by many people as a hopeless loser. I'm not saying this is my view, just that many people think this way.

It is hard to see how any kind of role play is going to move the mountain of anger coming from abuse, mental illness, and/or repeated disappointments in life. I think that we need to find a way of redirecting this stuff, realising that we are not going to be able discharge it in the regular way, we are not going to get 'even' with the world.

I use creativity, going out to poetry slams and telling the world about my life in the poems. One guy once came up to me after an event and said - "You're good, you tell it like it is." There could be no greater complement for me. The Scottish comic, Billy Connolly, had an abusive father, and he says, "You can forgive, but you must never forget. The truth must be told." I don't read under my own name, out of respect for my extended family, but other than that, I pull no punches.

It's good.

What do other people do to clear out this stuff?

Cheers, Myzen.

First let me say Myzen, your posts are some of the most lucid and thought provoking that I see. I always enjoy them.

There are so many schools of thought on anger, and it's resolution, but I have found none to be uniformly applicable. We are all so different I suppose.

I can't remember anymore who said it, if I read it or heard it, but someone said once that anger expressed angrily begets more anger. I have found that to be true for myself. It makes sense to dissipate energy, but this pillow punching stuff seems to miss the mark for me.

For one thing, I find anger almost always to be a secondary emotion. Most often for me, anger is the mask worn by sorrow, hurt, grief and loss. Maybe it's more common with men, but it seems like there is a measure of dignity in anger that is missing from sadness.

Walking is my best discharge activity for anger. Something akin to winding a watch happens while I walk. I don't need to even contemplate the reasons, situations, feelings or any of that, just walk. Water helps, letting the cedar boughs brush against me as I walk beneath them helps. Mowing the lawn, or weeding the garden are good. Hands in dirt and all that. I can do these things "because" I'm angry, but I don't have to do them "angrily" in order for the anger to transmute. I begin to wonder if anger is real. I can't seem to affect it directly, only indirectly.

Intellectually, I'm very much sort of a backwards clown. I turn things around. I always want a new perspective. What does a thing look like backwards? When I draw a copy of a picture for example, I do a much better job of it if I turn the image I want to copy upside down. Then I have to interpret the line and curve of the thing with out the ready recognition of the "name" of each thing. Similarly, if I want to understand the nature of anger, I find much to be learned from looking at happiness. It is equally incomprehensible after all, but much more inviting to examine for one's self than anger. Niether sensation is purely rational, or even predictable in every way. Yet, we derive so much of our self perception from those two polarities.

Great post Myzen. See ya.