[Steve06]

I am glad that I found this fourm. All my life I have been the subject of the rumor mill. I am a shy guy who tries to do the right things. I believe in dealing with people as fairly as possible. It has been hard for me to understand why people would spread rumors about me.
When the rumors are place side by side that just don't add up? Let me tell you all of them.

In high school and college, I was a virgin. I would like to have had sex with the person I married. I express my views and it was well known. However, some people spread a rumor that I was gay. I never could understand that rumor because I like women. I just did want to sleep with them because I wanted a degree and job. I knew that could side track me too much.

I have another rumor that I am telling with. Some people believe that I like little boys. I can not for the life of me understand why they started that rumor.

The final rumor is some lady is telling people on the job that I am stalking her. It is strange because I have not spoken to this person since Jan. I was working on her computer in DEC. While I was working on her computer, she started telling me about her trip to FL. Later that day, I was working on another computer and she came in to the office. She started talking to me and another guy. To make a long story short, She stayed 15-20 minutes past her quitting time.
One of her friends told her that she was going to miss the plane.

She returned in Jan. I was in her area working on someone computer. When I finished, I thought that I would stop by her office to welcome her back and ask how was her trip. When I was walking out the person office, one of the supervisor was in the hallway. I passed by the girl's office but she was not in. I was walking by another lady office and she was in that office. I thought I was just say hi and ask about her trip. She looked at me and looked the other way.

Every since that day, I have not spoken to her unless she speaks first. I also notice that people are following me a round the office. Every time that I am on that side of the building two things will happen.
1) She leave her office and goes to another office.
2) Someone comes and stand at her door.
She acts as if I am threat when she is a round other people, but there have been times when she have passed by me at the front door and I ran away from her. Therefore, she know that I am not a threat. Also, I notice that people are standing outside the door when I am working on a computer. I have done everything in my powers to stay away from this person as much as possible. Yet the rumors continues. What do I need to do to stop the rumors?

[Steve06]

Also, what type of person start a rumor?

[Wants2Fly]

Hello Steve -- Welcome to the Forums. I'd feel more comfortable responding to a question if I had some idea of how this affects your mental or emotional health. Perhaps others will be able to give you better input on this.

I just wanted to know that someone was out here reading and to welcome you to Psych Central.

Steve, obviously this is very distressing to you. It distresses me just to read it. I'm sorry that you're experiencing this and hopefully you will get some answers here from the posters that will help you sort your problem out. Pat

[jmo531]

Hi Steve and Welcome to PC.

I have been subject to the rumor mill myself. Mostly in high school where this type of stuff is ramped. When someone spreads the rumor that your gay, it's most likely because they do not understand your decision to remain a virgin until your married. Also, in high school this is considered "juicy gossip". It doesnt make it right but people in high school are not thinking what is right. The same with the rumor of you liking boys. It's cruel and unacceptable. I'm sorry you had and still have to go through this. It's terrible and it really hurts because 99% of the time the rumors are not true.
As far as the lady at your work, I would take every precaution possible to avoid her and if you do have to have contact with her, make sure you have a witness. The last thing you need is someone making false accusations against you. I hope that this issue subsides for you. Again, I am sorry your dealing with this. Take care.

[sqrlb8]

Hi Steve, generally I think it's frightened insecure people who start rumors. That's pale comfort considering the world is pretty much populated and run by frightened insecure people. But I'm guessing you knew that before today, huh? All I know to do is live my life the best I can for myself. Virtually everyone invited to will opine differently on every point, only my own matters. Good to come here and unload about it though. lol.

I think you got good advice when someone said to avoid this woman currently stirring the pot. Whatever the subplot might be, that sounds like an ugly situation to take pains not to exacerbate.

Something you didn't mention anything about, and I don't want to pry or anything, but I'm wondering if you have any psychiatric issues complicating your perception of events. I'm not implying that you do, I just know for myself, that would be tricky terrain to navigate very rationally. Are you doing ok that way?

[(JD)]

Welcome to psychcentral!

...and ppl who WANT your attention also begin rumors... the stuff in school though, especially about sex ARE rampid..it's such a "heated" topic to begin with.

I am curious though, HOW do you know there are rumors circulating about you?

I found that once I made it clear that I do NOT spread rumors myself, that I don't discuss others behind their backs, that ppl quite telling ME stuff about others, and eventually left me out of the topic list also. One way I did/do this: if someone says something about another, especially if it's damaging, I say, Wow, can we meet and clear that up together with them? Or Gee, is it ok if I tell them you think that???

Some ppl will always talk. Paying less attention to it, if you do hear about it, will make it go away sooner, and possibly totally. You become "no fun" if you don't know or don't react.

As for the general theme of the rumors you mentioned, I wonder if you are a sensitive fellow. Perhaps you are also more in touch with your feminine side than many ppl are used to? Maybe you are evoking those responses "unconsciously?" A good T would be able to help you figure that out.

Again, welcome!

[(JD)]

Welcome to psychcentral.

Hmm I already typed, and "lost" a reply on this thread, so I will make this one shorter... in case it happens again?

I agree that some ppl begin rumors for attention. Don't give it to them.

Also, HOW do you know that there are rumors circulating about you? You must be part of the grapevine.

Perhaps you are emiting signals, or "unconsciously" displaying behavior of which you are not aware. A good T could help you figure that out.

I suspect that you are a very sensitive fellow, and perhaps more in touch with your feminine side than most men... that in itself will cause other insecure ppl to feel uncomfortable. (Their problem.)

Again, welcome.

[TgrsPurr]

Hello Steve and Welcome. I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to post this message because frankly it's dispicable what's happening to you. Let me just say upfront that this is a subject that makes my blood boil. Not so much from personal experience, but because it is just so viscious and caddy and petty. To belittle is to be little!

I agree with sqrl. Ppl do these things out of their own insecurities, fears, and to take the focus off their own issues, problems and screwed up lives. Lets face it, just because you don't have a MI, doesn't make you healthy right?
The most important thing you need to do right now is remain true to yourself and your sense of self. I agree that you should in NO way buy into the rumor mill, participate in the rumor mill or even listen to others churning the rumor mill. Continue to do what sounds to me like a good job. Live up to your responsibilties and be polite to everyone. I don't feel that you should run away from this woman, others could think you have something to hide. Instead just go about your business as usual. Nod hello and continue where you're going. Don't feed what's happening by reacting to it. I know it hurts, but just tough it out a bit until they get bored trying to bate you or whatever it is they're looking for out of it. Rise above it.

Ppl say the most sickening things. The fact that their mind even goes there says something about them. Would you really want to associate with someone like that anyway?

I know that what I've said here is easier said than done. But we are all here to support you and encourage you. You are NOT alone.
TgrsPurr.

Steve, sorry that I had to go to bed last night and couldn't give you a more complete answer..after reading the responses that you have i will tell you that i believe that you got very good advice...i was subjected to that at a job one time and it really hurts. sqrl and tgr said it best, insecure people are the ones that do this sort of thing. you're probably very good at your job and they're jealous.....hang in there, pat

[(JD)]

Yes, part of my first response had included an aspect y'all touched on too: especially in school, talk of sex and tendencies is a hot topic because of the hormonal changes we all go through. Plus, students can be some of the cruelest ppl you will ever meet LOL (It's no wonder to me that some of your best friends might come from that time too, as you huddle together for defense!)

Personally, I don't like the way the societal "norm" has leaned in that it's considered almost a "right" to know the sexual preferences of those they associate with... it's NO ONE'S RIGHT and I don't want or need to know what anyone's preferences are! My only real hope is that the pedulum will swing back from this horrible peak... and that I won't be around when it swings back over again!!! lol

[Steve06]

I would like to thank all of you guys. Things seem to have calm down at work. Now the lady who was "afraid " of me is now walking next to me without an escort. Like I said before, I will not speak unless she speaks firstt. It feel strange because I am a nice guy who even treatt those who have mistreated me with kindness.
Some times I wish I would have known why she went through what she did? Every time I hear a rumor about myself, I am taken back to high school where they called me gay. I can never forgot it. I tthought may be I look gay or something.

[(JD)]

You know you could visit a men's store and talk to any male clerk whom you really like the way he looks and his attitude ect... or even men you work with, ask their opinion and for their assistance. Who knows? Maybe you have been caught in some time warp or something with the way you dress??? Maybe mistakenly you have bought or added something that is demonstrative -in your area- to connote an alternative lifestyle???

I think, also, that you don't have good memories of when you were developing your "maleness" and maybe didn't have a strong father figure to help you... that those types of things might be holding you back from portraying what you wish?

What do you think?

[Steve06]

Sky, I did have a strong father figure. I just refused to be sexually active. In fact some of the girls did not help the situation. I recall one girl and her family came over to the house. When we got back to school, she had told all the guys that she came over and I did not do any thing. My mom and dad would not have play that. I think I was 13 or 14 at the time.
I also recall some of the girls would want me to feel on them. I do not think that was the proper thing to do in a class room. Some tried me. Remember all of this happen to me before I was 16. I could not handle sex at that time.

[Steve06]

I have a question for the board. Would it be wrong if I tstarted a relationship with the girl who is trying to destroy me best friend. Her best friend likes me. I have been kind of holding off with all of this crazy stuff going on. In fact, when I was in the office with the friend, the other girl came in and listen to what we were talking about. It seem strange but If I go in the friend's office she will fly in the office.
The best friend get upset because Ishe feel I reject her advances, but it has been hard with all the going on. But the next advance the friend make I will take her up on her offer.

[(JD)]

Not sure this is a good idea... but what tells you she is trying to destroy another person? If that is true, would you want to be with ANYONE who attacks another human being? I mean, there are plenty of ppl who are considerate out there...

if you're in for a real torturing, why not date them both!?