[BiscuitTin]

I finally found a place where I thought I was accepted and liked. My anxiety disorder support group. For once I felt like I could talk to people, and I felt good about it.

But now I'm realising that although people are nice to me and I feel accepted during structured group talk - when the group breaks up I am as much an outcast as ever.

As I was leaving the group meeting the other night I noticed them all standing and talking to each other outside the building.

I don't know what to say, it's a reality check that I am a loner even inside an anxiety support group.

Pretty depressing really.

[Naturefreak]

((((BiscuitTin))))
I'm so sorry you feel this way . I would say to stick with it , give it a chance , I'm proud of you for at least trying . Don't give up .
Hopefully you will not feel like you are an outcast for long .
You are NOT an outcast . Depression is trying to make you believe that. Take Care ....

[BiscuitTin]

Thanks babysteps . . . i guess these are just my feelings that I am putting down.

I am not new to the feeling that comes with realising that I am not as close to a group of people as I would like to think. I just didn't think the same thing would happen with this group, given that we are all anxious. I have the social anxiety though, and I'm pretty much the only one of the group who has it.

[VickiesPath]

Hello, BiscuitTin!

Anxiety is basically fear. Try to picture that each one of the people who are clustered together in that group outside once came to the group just like you, very anxious and not knowing anyone. Slowly, they began to trust and not be so anxious. You are needing to feel connected. I think that will come, once you continue coming to the meetings and the group gets to know you a little more. Best of luck and lots of hugs.

[hurtingintn]

and more hugs ....

[Pomegranate]

I have been active in several different kinds of support groups over the years. I was told early on to try and reach out to others who looked lost or alone. I always did that.

I became friendly with people. But I never did make a connection or really feel "a part of." I put it down to something wrong inside me. How ever I no longer tell myself it's "wrong" I just accept that I am how I am. I keep an open mind that maybe someday I will connect with someone - besides my husband - but in the meantime I'm grateful for what I have and work at accepting myself and others just as they are.

[DePressMe]

Hi BiscuitTin, yeah, I can relate to feeling like a loner and walking to my car after a group and seeing the other people standing outside talking with each other and knowing that I'm not a part of it. And, worse yet, I thought that I was not even invited into that part of the other peoples world--like I was automatically excluded and it hurt my feelings that I never even got an option or chance to be a part of it (I thought). I felt a little unwanted or unworthy—like I was some sort of defective outcast. I was rejected by the other people because there was something wrong with me.

But, after a lot of personal reflection, I have come to realize that I felt comfortable walking to my car alone and I am absolutely certain that there is nothing wrong with my introverted self. I was not being rejected by the other people because I decided to go to my car instead of hanging around and chatting with them. They can’t invite me into their social world if I am already gone.

This post is just my own personal experience so it may not be what’s going on with you but I thought I’d share it. Identifying my naturally introverted self as a defective outcast and loner made me miserable for a long time because I thought it was something that I needed to fix. I thought the answer to my problem was to force myself to fit in and be a part of the social group. It was like nails on a chalk board…nails on a chalk board.

I am good at participating in groups--even social groups but even when I am an active leader of a group, I still feel like I am alone. I am always alone in a group of people--it's like I'm playing the game of being a member of the group, but everybody else but me seems to develop emotional connections with each other. I struggle when it comes to me making personal contact and developing relationships within a group of people because I don’t naturally connect with others in a group setting. It feels more natural for me to spend a lot of time alone and then to make emotional connections with individuals instead of groups of people.

I have given myself permission to be an introvert and I no longer pressure myself to try to be an insider and part of all the groups. Instead, I have been focusing on building relationships with just a few friends and it feels good to connect with them on an individual basis. I am an introverted loner but I still need to make enough emotional bonds with others so that I can feel like I am cared about and loved by people.

So, I don’t know if you are struggling with my type of issues or not. But, if you are having a tough time connecting with people in your groups, maybe you can try focusing on one group member at a time. Please, please try not to negatively judge yourself for struggling with this. I bet you are right and that you really are accepted and liked by the group. Communications within support groups are very, very tricky and sometimes they can take a lot of work to figure them. I have learned a lot about myself by working through these issues and the opportunity to work on them is one of the benefits of being in a support group.

Good luck.

[Seabirdanne]

Originally Posted by DePressMe

Hi BiscuitTin, yeah, I can relate to feeling like a loner and walking to my car after a group and seeing the other people standing outside talking with each other and knowing that I'm not a part of it. And, worse yet, I thought that I was not even invited into that part of the other peoples world--like I was automatically excluded and it hurt my feelings that I never even got an option or chance to be a part of it (I thought). I felt a little unwanted or unworthy—like I was some sort of defective outcast. I was rejected by the other people because there was something wrong with me...

This post is just my own personal experience so it may not be what’s going on with you but I thought I’d share it. Identifying my naturally introverted self as a defective outcast and loner made me miserable for a long time because I thought it was something that I needed to fix. I thought the answer to my problem was to force myself to fit in and be a part of the social group. It was like nails on a chalk board…nails on a chalk board.

I have given myself permission to be an introvert and I no longer pressure myself to try to be an insider and part of all the groups. Instead, I have been focusing on building relationships with just a few friends and it feels good to connect with them on an individual basis. I am an introverted loner but I still need to make enough emotional bonds with others so that I can feel like I am cared about and loved by people.

Good luck.

Wow. That's a tour de force. I hope someday I get to where you are. I just joined this site something like ten days ago, and I thought since I was on the computer, all that social anxiety stuff wouldn't kick in. But it does. Exactly the same dynamic occurs here as in the real world: Elation at being accepted, and then devastation to realize that, no, I'm not -- not the way I wanted to be, anyway. I think a lot of people know how BiscuitTin feels -- but not that many know how to stop feeling that way. This is as good an explanation as I've found. Thanks, DepressMe.

[jerrymichele]

I would address this to them, after all it is a group session.

[BiscuitTin]

That would be interesting.

[Junerain]

Instead of confronting the members of your group, why not show a little vulnerability and simply say, you feel left out, you can ask for suggestions even, say you are working on fitting in a lot of places including here, and are open to suggestions..you are not accusing them of anything this way, just opening up, as what a support group is exactly for.........